Why aren’t you a model or something? He asks me at some point.

Beee… Becaaause, why should I be?

Beeecuuuaaassseee, heh, he mocks me, “you got the right body? Ain’t ya? In case you’ve never seen yourself… or whatever.” He goes through the pages of my photo album, smiling at something widely from time to time.

Oooh, gosh, you know, I… haven’t. Ever. Thanks for the advice. Will be searching for those things they call mirrors from now on.

He puffs. Sexual innuendos are only a matter of time. He asks me if I have a boyfriend. I say ‘no’. That’s another reason for a choked laugh; maybe now he thinks I’m a virgin. Then he says straight forward that he doesn’t believe such a piece of ass can go through life without some solid poking. “Something’s wrong here, cousin.”

I immediately react with strong indignation—I’ve learned if I react extremely offended at any remark regarding fucking it usually gets guys off my tail—it makes them think I’m a total stiff, although better that than them suspecting anything. Nevertheless, Dirk’s right here… it doesn’t add up. Nonetheless, I go with it. He stares at me for a moment, I look at him; quite a long moment; I gulp, not stepping back; and after a second he again chuckles stupidly and goes to his room.

I’m fuckin’ tired. See ya tomorrow, cousin.

Did it work? …hopefully. Because nobody—no-bo-dy!—can know a thing about what I did.

***

The next day my dad takes Dirk to the firm with him so it’s calm til the afternoon. It must be sad for my dad’s employees working their asses off all day and then see the boss walking around with his nephew, like some protege, not that my dad will ever hire him, but they don’t know that. And a nice job is awaiting him anyway in one of Uncle Lou’s businesses.

Now they’re back… The second dad leaves us alone Dirk starts complaining to me about my dad’s Audi. “Why the fuck does he drive an Audi? He could have a Ferrari.”

Uhm, cause he’s a family man, Dirk? And it’s a family car.

My old man has a Ferrari.

Yeah, he’s… great.

I spin in that bad boy sometimes, you know. Wanna go for a ride some day?

Suddenly, a wave of heat hits me; mute memories pass through in my mind… I try to keep calm, “Thanks, but no thanks…”

Fuck me, you don’t like anything! That’s …fun. He says quietly.

Fuck you, I say only in my head.

***

My parents ask me to spend some time with him and leave us alone at home for a while. He instantly starts trying to drag me to our indoor pool. Forget about it; I wouldn’t wear even a one-piece around him. Instead, I decide to try the easy way; I invite him to play games on the Xbox.

He’s just finished working out and first thing, he starts to flex his bisceps in front of me.

Good, huh?

Sure. You’re coming or not?

Actually, for a teenager his muscles are quite powerful, very few boys this age look that good. If he weren’t such a piece of shit, I would even reward him, let him have it… why not? „They are nice,” I would’ve told him.

After maybe 10 minutes of playing he’s apparently bored. So he starts again…

Hey. I know a different game, we should play that instead.

Yeah? What’s the game? I ask after a moment of silent clicking the pad.

It’s called ‘Where’s the cock.’ D’ya know it? You should, cousin… where’s the cock? Where is it? Search for it, search for it.

Okay. You can stop this now.

Where’s the cock, where’s the cock. He’s repeating.

You’re not getting on my nerves. I know guys like you, Dirk.

The greatest? Heh, you don’t seem to be that kind of girl. You know what I mean?

Yeah, let’s go with that… Listen, I know what you’re trying to do. From the beginning, this was a joke more than a punishment for you. You know that, and you’re trying to play my parents and turn it into one big party.

Uh-oh. You got me. He says sarcastically staring into the screen. “My whole plan is exposed. Whaaat to dooo–”

Shut up and play.

Jeezzz, I hoped for some fun with ya, cousin. Get some party started! Invite some friends! I could get to know your BFs. But nooo… Why you have to be such a stiff? Do you even have any friends?

You’d be surprised.

Yeah? Heh, I don’t think so. Hey, did you even…? You’re not a fuckin’ virgin, are you? Or are you? He starts chuckling.

Pfff, I desperately try to keep playing.

His chuckling grows louder. It’s really getting on my nerves now. I think I’m red in the face.

Fuck me… cousin. You have to learn. Fast! He says.

I’m gonna fly off the handle in a fucking second…

C’mon, don’t be shy, it’s not that bad. He continues, “Heh, you know what? We’re only cousins so it’s not a big deal. I can do you a favor and teach ya.”

Jesus Christ! I throw the pad aside. “Are you shitting me!? Teach me? Teenage expert? Just… don’t make me laugh.”

I immediately regret saying it.

Oh, I can, cousin, I can teach you a lot of stuff. He still tries to piss me off.

No reaction, deep breath; I’m back in the game, not even looking at him; but I feel him peering at me…

Or maybe… He waits for something; sinister pause; I feel chills, he’s fucking staring at me, I can feel it. He speaks again, “You wanna tell me something?”

Um, no?

Nooo? Or… yes? Another pause, “…you’re fuckin’ hiding something.”

Hey, will you ever shut up?

Oh man! You are! You’re fuckin’ hiding somethin’ I must be all red (Fuck!), “Tell me, tell me! Tell me!”

Shut up? Shut up? Shut up!

For a moment, a hush falls, only the game noises now, and then suddenly Dirk’s loud chuckling peals, “Hah! You’re fuckin’ hiding something!”

…you’re such a shithead.

I’m pissed and tired with that; he’s not even on to me, he’s just wishfully thinking out loud.

You… He leans closer and stares at me, scratching his chin; I can see him in my peripheral vision, “…sucked a cock?” I just slightly shake my head, hopelessly, “More? Hah! Yeah, there’s more! …sucked more than one? …drunk? …high!”

I look at him, “Are you playing the game or what?”

Fuckin’ A, I’m playing! I’m fuckin’ killing you here! And after a second, “Hey, maybe you’re not so bad as I thought, cousin.”

Maybe I’m not, I say, having no better answer. I’m fucked.

***

Later Emma, my very good friend, calls me to tell me about a tattoo she just got. She would like to show it to me tomorrow; it should heal properly by that time. Also, she will probably try one more time to persuade me to go on a vacation with her again. While I try to forget about the last time with her, she—on the other hand—likes to reminisce about it every chance she gets. Kind of torture for me. She does that this time too.Trying to change the subject, I tell her about the retard I’m living with under one roof now and how he got here.

What’s his name? She asks.

Dirk.

—————