Chili, Booze, Nightmares, and the Girl Next Door by JackassTales

[1] Liar, Liar, Belly on Fire

The chili cookout challenge my neighbor and I had sponsored turned out to be a huge success. More than a two dozen neighborhood and family member friends had submitted mouth-watering entries. The theme of the challenge was, ‘How hot can you get!’

Of course, as with many sporting contests, some asshole ringer presented a ‘mystery’ concoction with no clue as to its maker’s origin. No list of ingredients was listed except for the one saying, “WARNING; made with extra HOT peppers!”

With the chili gauntlet thrown down, all of we chili connoisseurs just had to sample the ominous potion. It was HOT; Hell, the peppered ingredients must have been cooked in Hades cauldron! I had never tasted the incendiary likes of such peppers. Even as hot as it was, several other men and myself recognized the tangy-whangy flavor of equine meat. If there was any other evidence of animal flesh, then it was not recognizable.

There was no doubt as to the savory, succulent, prize-winning preference for this hell-born dish. Spurred on under the influence of great mugs of beer and multiple shots of bourbon, I consumed too many bowls of the hot mystery chili. Of course, I had to try a bowl of all the other entrant’s submissions, so as the sun faded, moonglow found me quite intoxicated on the spirits of grain and the phantom apparitions engendered by spicy stomach-churning contest contenders.

As all know, I hardly ever get drunk. Yet, this night I had already made passes at a couple of my friends wives; one hand had been handily rebuked while I had easily gotten a handful of pussy from the other. Sweet, stolen kisses eased my mouth and belly fires. After that, I stumbled around alone and horny while looking for a bit more pussy. I had recently turned thirty and I found that plenty of pussy eased my fears of getting old.

Now who put that damned brick in the middle of the sidewalk? Sidewalk, hell, I had crossed out of my neighbor’s yard, fallen, and was now lying down in the middle of my own manicured flowerbed. Sweet-smelling rose blooms put a smile on my face, yet the thorny stems ripped intricate tattoos on my face, arms, and shorts-wearing legs. I cried out, but not very loud.

Yet, Cassandra Barnstable heard me, crossed the treacherous terrain, and came to my assistance. “David, Mr. Hall, are you injured?” the girl inquired. “Oh you are! You are terribly scratched! Let’s get you inside!”

In spite of having on only swimming attire, Cassie waded into the flower garden and assisted me out. I am a muscular man, yet I weigh only about a buck-fifty. The girl was pulling me from an awkward stance when one of her boobs and then the other spilled out of her bikini top. “How old are you now, Cassie,” I asked while reaching for the girl’s sweet, young breasts.

I had a tit in each hand massaging nubile nipples when the girl answered, “I am seventeen. Now, quit it, David! You’re drunk!”

“Awe shit,” I exclaimed. “Do I have to? You’re not the little girl I used to know!”

We were at my back door when Cassie fished a hand into my pants pocket to get my keys. I took the opportunity to fish a hand into her panties to get a piece of pussy. This girl wasn’t a knockout in the looks department, but she had a voluptuous body that said, though young, she was all woman. Long, curly brunette locks of hair spilled from the top of her head and cascaded down over her chest.

“Mr. Hall, I said, quit it!” Cassie forcefully repeated.

Smiling in a semi-drunken stupor, I teased, “Quit what? I like it.”

The girl made sort of a non-binding deal, “Maybe some other time.”

I stripped and fell into bed while Cassandra went to the medicine cabinet for medicinal supplies. She was back in a flash. “Oh, David,” she admonished. “You didn’t have to take everything off!”

“It feels good, wanta try?” I asked and pulled her bikini panties down to her knees. Unlike most girls, she had a curly bush. Mmm, I liked it!

“I’m going home if you don’t STOP!” the girl again reprimanded and pulled up her bikini bottom.

“Okay, okay, okay,” I gave in. “Spoilsport!”

For the next twenty minutes, Cassandra dressed my wounds and listened to a few of my real and pretend boyish screams. Shit, it hurt and I believe she was glad it did.

“Go to sleep now,” Cassie said.

“What about a kiss goodnight?” I teased.

“Promise not to touch me?” I heard.

“Sure do!” I hurriedly promised.

Cassandra surprised me by actually sitting on the edge of my bed. On second thought, this girl had quite a special prettiness to her face. Sweet, soft, wet lips kissed mine obsessively. Oh how wonderful! Involuntarily, I took the liberty of stealing a handful of pussy from within her bikini panties.

Cassie popped up off my bed like a firecracker had gone off under her ass.

“LIAR!” she announced.

***

I was asleep by the time Cassie had put the medicinal supplies away. Unbeknownst to me, she peeped in at my door. Seeing my unconscious state, she came over and kissed me again. Just for the tiniest of seconds, she held my fiercely erect cock in her hand.

“Oh David, I wish this was you without your intoxication. I love that I love you! Please don’t marry another until I’m eighteen!” Cassie barely whispered. She kissed my mouth with unrestrained passion and then she dared to wantonly kiss the flesh of my cock. Ashamed, she ran away.

[2] The Night, the Beast, and the Mare

I was sprawled out all over my bed when suddenly I seemed to feel a great weight on my chest. I had everyman’s greatest fear; oh shit, after drinking all that booze and eating all that spicy chili, I was having a heart attack!

I suddenly awakened with hopes of having the energy to dial 911. Yet what to my wondering eyes should appear but a miniature monster which caused me great fear. What the hell? She, or it, was a grotesque manifestation slightly related in appearance to a female I had recently seen. This hideous creature had long locks of curly brunette hair cascading from the top of its head and falling down over its shoulders. A bushy patch of hair covered her, or its, pubic region. Fur covered the majority of the insanely ugly beast.

“You should not have put your hands on that girl with evil intent,” the creature scolded. Adding rebuke to reprimand, it continued, “You must now be punished and taught a lesson!”

Suddenly, a horse’s head entered the nightmarish scene. The head seemed to poke out through draperies although there were no drapes in my bedroom. Incredibly, the head spoke, “And you should not have consumed the flesh of my body in your hot chili contest!”

To say that I was frightened would be an understatement. Hell, I was shivering and trembling so much the bed was rattling. I became determined to defend myself against this most incongruous of duos. Yet, how does one find defense when your opponents are nightmarish apparitions brought forth by booze and hot chili peppered meat?

“My intent was not evil,” I argued with the succubinal bitch. “Cassandra Barnstable is the sweetest girl I have ever met. If not for her young age, I may be tempted to…”

“Aha,” says the bitch. “You may be tempted to rape, to violent fornication, to forced copulation!”

“I did NOT say that,” I submitted. “My intentions would be pure. And IF sex were involved, it would be with love!”

From the horse’s mouth came, “Let’s kill him now, let’s eat his tasteless human flesh, let’s torture him!”

“I did not know that I was eating your flesh, HorseFace,” I earnestly conveyed.

The mare of the night would listen to no more. She began licking my cockhead. Her tongue was slick on one side, yet as coarse as sandpaper on the other. Greenish, yellowish teeth began nipping and biting my penile erection. Pain made me piss in the night mare’s mouth.

Oh god, why didn’t I hold my water? Horse teeth bit down hard and my cockhead popped out into the equine apparition’s malevolent maw. I screamed with the loudest sound which ever came out of my mouth. HorseFace chewed the sensitive ball that used to be attached to my cock. The nightmarish equine entity whinnied insanely.

The succubus female laughed with a lunacy approaching insanity. Her two hands wrapped around my penile shaft and pumped my meat eagerly. A thick stream of bright red blood shot three feet into the air and was swallowed like water from a fountain by the small sadist bitch. After drinking her fill, this most wicked of wenches took the remainder of my cockshaft into her mouth and began eating to her heart’s content. No attention at all was paid to the earsplitting shrieks emitting from my mouth.

Divine intervention was all that would save me from my unbearable agony. Finally, it came. I bled out. And, I was dead.

[3] Do No Go Gentle into that Good Night

Yet, sorry of sorrows, I was not dead. A new spark of life was breathed into my lungs by the stench of the foulest breath my nose had ever smelled. Rotting flesh from the succubus was kissing my lips. When I gagged in protest, the creature suddenly positioned herself over my crotch, guided my erection in through her hairy bush, and then began fucking me with her thorny vagina.

My cock was back, whole and normal! How can such devilment exist in heaven or hell? I would rather be dead than to be so painfully and heinously raped by such a devilish bitch. Hour after hour, bloody thorns ripped my penile flesh, made my pure red blood flow from her putrid vagina, and caused me to scream hoarsely.