I stay in my chair as she leaves shutting my office door behind her. I sip on my coffee while turning to look at the window. I start to calm down from what just happened only moments ago. I start to think of all the people of my past why was it those two, and where was Selena although it wouldn’t of mattered as I would of told her off also. I lean my head back enjoying my cup of coffee as I ponder on what will happen next in my life. I turn back around to my desk placing the cup down only to look at the picture on my desk of my family. The boys smiling at me as they are held by their mothers. I feel a smile come across my face as I let a sigh out before getting back to the last bit of work I have to do for my last day at my desk.
It’s around 5:30 p.m. that I stop and get the mail on my way in from work. Damn it was a shitty day as I had to DEAL with that stupid slut that was my first girlfriend and that backstabbing asshole that I had called my brother for years.I drive up to the house and look through the mail and see some junk mail, the power bill and a letter…its from Michelle. What the hell…….did everyone that I didn’t want to deal with talk to one another to piss me off today. I sigh and get out and close the door.
I open the front door and yell I’m home to let Jazzy,Lil Greg and Batman know that I was home. Batman greets me and tries to knock me over. He was almost twice the size of other pitbulls. He would put his front paws on my shoulders and look me in the eyes and lick me if I didn’t stop him. He looks me in the eye and notices something is off and gets down. I hear LG scream daddy as he runs to me and I pick him up. He gives me my evening hug and I ask him if he was a good boy. He nods as Jazzy walks around the corner and shakes her head. I look back to him and ask him why mommy said no. He puts his head down as Jazzy explains.
“ Batty decided to dig up my little garden and Lil Greg decided to help his brother. I had to give them two baths they were so dirty.” Jasmine tells me as I chuckle,’Good thing Bats loves baths.’
It was strange that Batman loved baths. He got into the habit of weekly baths and loved when the boys took one with him. I walk over to my Latina Queen and kiss her.
“ Mmmmm Baby if you keep that up I might not finish dinner.” She tells me with a smile as I chuckle as I put Lil Greg down to go play
Lil Greg goes running into the living room and Batman follows his little brother to watch over him. Jazzy and I speak for a little bit about what my plans were now that I was unemployeed. About 5 mins later we hear a kapow and run to see that Lil Greg and Batman had played with the vacuum cleaner bag and made it explode. Jazzy sighs,’Boys bathroom now!’ Lil Greg tries to run past his mother as she catches him and pops his little butt for trying to runaway from her. Batman tries just to get caught by his collar,’Batman bathroom now or no treats’yells my wonderful lover. Batman tucks his tail between his legs and walks to the bathroom as Lil Greg looks back crying for me to save him from his mother. I chuckle wondering if I did the same thing to my father. As I hear the water run I get the letter out and read it…………
Dear Heath,
This letter is to inform you that Travis and my mother has passed on. She had a stroke and her health went down hill. After her stroke her mind reverted to years ago when you would have been in high school.She kept asking about you and MY DEAR BROTHER AND I HAD TO LIE TO HER….and tell her that you were in school and it was an important test time.Her last days were thinking of the one who BROKE her heart the worst. I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY THAT TRAVIS AND I ARE ORPHANS! Well I wish you the best and don’t bother responding as we had her cremated.
Sincerely,
Michelle Ann Thompson
I look at what I just read. My mother was died and I didn’t know about it. I drop the letter feeling an emptiness reading about my mother’s death. I feel the tears start to fall as I yell at Jazz that I was going out back to sit on the beach for a bit. She just yells that she’ll come get me when dinner is done and to have fun. I hear Lil Greg screaming he’s clean and he wants out. I smile as I walk outside and down to the beach.
As I sit in the sand where I usually do I look upon the ocean as the waves clash with the rocks and sand. My mind drifts to my memories of my youth with my father, mother, and siblings. I remember how we all were a family while my dad was alive. The moments my father hugged me, the times my mother comforted me when I got my boo boo’s, Michelle taking me to bed as if I was her own kid, and Travis teaching me how to swim, and ride a bike. I feel my tears flow as I stand up glancing at the waves not far away.
Without thinking I take my shoes off tossing them to the sand. I look back at the house that has been mine for the past few years. I say two words ‘ Fuck it’ as I start for the water not caring anymore. The woman that gave me birth was no more. First my father, then Grandma May, now my dearest mother that I loved, but had abandoned me. Even after she abandoned me I always hoped that it was just a sick joke and someone would yell that I’d been pranked. I hear some music coming from down the beach. The words seem to fit how my soul is feeling right now.
Show me what it’s like
To be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I’ll show you what I can be
And say it for me
Say it to me
And I’ll leave this life behind me
Say it if it’s worth saving me
Heaven’s gates won’t open up for me
With these broken wings I’m fallin’
And all I see is you
These city walls ain’t got no love for me
I’m on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And all I scream for you
Come please I’m callin’
And all I need from you
Hurry I’m fallin’, I’m fallin’
As I step into the water I hear people scream for me to stop. I don’t stop as I ignore the familiar voices. I feel the waves hit my legs as I keep making my way deeper. As I feel the ocean hit my waist the voices are getting drowned out by the roar of the ocean. My memories come back of my beautiful mother and sister who I loved, but yet they never wanted me after my father died. As the water gets to my shoulders I turn to see Chris, Tiffany, and Selena all standing, screaming for help.
I see tears falling from Tiffany’s eyes as she screams ‘ HEATH DON’T I LOVE YOU AND ALWAYS HAVE’. I ignore those words that don’t mean anything any more. I look up at the sky as the clouds that appear go by. I look back to see Jack and Adam running across the beach trying to reach me before I do something I’ll regret. I take in one last breath as I let it out to only go under the water closing my eyes one last time. I don’t think of anything as I open my mouth letting the ocean water fill my lungs.
I feel my body jerk wanting air which I deny it of that pleasure as I sink to a watery grave. I resist the thought of going up and facing those that hurt me so much. I wonder is my families lives would of been better if I had never taken that first breathe after coming from my mother’s womb. With my last thought running through my mind I say words that I hope reaches my mother spirit ‘ I loved you mom I just wished you wanted and loved me’.’ I never got to ask you why you kept me when I was unwanted…I guess I’ll have all eternity to now’
I don’t know how or why but the next thing I knew I was on the beach. I looked around to see my father standing there with a grim expression on his face. He walked up to me placing his right hand on my left shoulder. He looked deep in my eyes before he spoke.
“ Heath what are you thinking as this is not your time?” He asks as I feel my tears never stopped
“ Dad what was I to do? You, Grandma May, and now mom are gone. Both my parent’s are dead and I feel so alone.” I answer seeing him shake his head
“ No son she is not gone. You have been deceived by those that use fear as a crutch. You are not alone either as you have those that love you. What will happen to my grandsons and granddaughter if you stay dead. You need to fight for life as I would have.” He tells me as I feel his love flow through my body to my heart
He has me turn to see those that care for me as well as those that betrayed me.
“ Son look at those around you as your two brothers fight to bring you back. Look at the woman that loves you, but weeps that she has lost you again and there is nothing she can do to help. Look at those they never gave up hope to hold you in their arms again.” My father exclaims to me as I look on
“ But those three hurt me to the point I relive that day over and over as if it’s a movie on replay. I can never forgive them of what they did that night.” I say as he steps up in front of me
“ Yes you can slugger as I loved them in life so can you. I know your pain was caused by them, but they have been hurt as well. Heath we are given a certain amount of time and we can’t change that……but it’s how you use it that means the most. Everyone is given a second chance as May gave you one as well.” He tells me as I go to my knees
“ I…I can’t forgive them dad. I just don’t see how I can.” I say feeling hands on my shoulders as I look up to see his blue eyes that shine
“ Heath I love you so much as I have your mother, sister, and brother. Now love those that love you and forgive in the process. For the time to heal is now not later.” He tells me as I watch him turn
He makes his way to my body as I watch Jack and Adam fighting with everything they have to give me life again. My father kneels down placing a hand on my right cheek. He looks down at my face before I feel a tug pulling me to my body.
“ Your eyes were so beautiful when you were young make them beautiful again my loving son. Don’t fall into that deep void that you can never return from.” He says before I see him fade away
As my spirit returns to my body everything goes black before I feel my lungs take a breath before I cough up the ocean water out of my lungs.
“ That’s it bro cough it up so I can kick your ass.” Jack says as I cough the water up into the sand
Leave a Reply