“I’m glad you’re here, detectives. My girlfriend supposedly went out with some co-workers last night and never came home. I suppose I should report it. Her name is Daisy O’Neill.”
“Um…you don’t seem to be too upset.”
“Well, if you heard your wife or girlfriend having the conversation with her mother that I heard Monday night you wouldn’t be too upset either. I went to visit her parents a year ago May and once we were back on campus I broke our engagement. Her mother treated her father like he was a servant or worse—like he was a slave. I looked into that poor man’s eyes and all I saw was a hollow shell of a man. As much as I loved her I wasn’t interested in that kind of future for myself. She begged me for another chance about two weeks later. I stupidly agreed with some conditions that she met–at least I thought she did until Monday night.
“I don’t have a recording of the call but I heard enough—drug me, tie me down and beat me into submission, lock my genitals into a monstrosity of a penis cage that I found last night in one of her drawers, and basically make my life a living hell. She thinks I burned our pre-nup, but the lawyer has the original, not that we’ll ever need it. I was just about to box up her things. She can leave with her personal belongings which won’t be too bad—new car, $30,000 diamond ring, about $10,000 in other jewelry, at least $5,000 in clothes and shoes, and whatever she managed to make selling real estate. So…gentlemen, why are you here?”
“We found your girlfriend with her boss. He hit a county patrol car in Kings Park then led the officer on a merry chase. He stopped once then took off when the officer approached the car. Funny! Ha ha! He finally stopped on the side of 25A where the road turns to meet 25 in Smithtown after nearly killing about a dozen motorists. He was arrested, but he claimed that the car was driving itself.”
“I’ve read about that, but from what I have read self-driving cars are supposed to be safe, not reckless.”
“Yeah, we’ve read about that, too. I’ve actually seen a demo. It was pretty neat. Anyway, it seems that Mr. Waterman was high as a kite—cocaine, as well as alcohol—and so was your girlfriend. We found a good-sized vial of what seems to be cocaine in his car and a plastic bag of what also looks like coke in your girlfriend’s purse. Of course, she told us that it was his.”
“Of course. That’s the kind of thing that happens in junior high school.”
“You’re right. I have two that age. I hear that all the time so Miss Daisy spent the night in the precinct. Boyfriend—boss, or whatever—he’s out in Riverhead in the County Jail. She told us you’re some kind of computer whiz. Mind looking at something for us? Our techs haven’t a clue. But, first–mind telling us where you were last night?” He held out the remote control I had built.
“Knowing that Daisy was going out I worked late then went out to eat at the Waterside. I think I have the receipt in my wallet.” I pulled it out and found the receipt almost immediately. After handing it to the detective, I took the object and looked it over. “Well, this is obviously a cell phone and this is a three-way port that would allow data to go either into or out of the phone. I don’t have the foggiest idea what this other thing is.”
“It’s a plug that connects into the car’s computers. That’s what the department’s mechanics tell us although this thing on the top was added.”
I pretended to examine it closer. “Hmmm…okay, I see. Can I take it apart?” I did once I had permission.
“Is that some kind of control device?”
“You mean software that could control the vehicle through the computers? Maybe, but if you look closely you can see that whatever was in here is burned up. I don’t think you’ll get anything from it. Mind if I look at it under a magnifier? I have one in my office.” They followed me into the small bedroom that was now my office. I turned on the desk lamp and looked closely under the glass. Then I showed it to the detective. “See these tiny lines? They’re some kind of circuit board…really small, but they’re all burned to a crisp. This is a computer chip, but you can see that it’s all melted. I’ve seen this before. Assuming this was built to control the car whoever built this designed it to work once and only once. What was in these other ports?”
“Some kind of what looks like really thin wire.” He held out a piece for me.
I took it into my hand and checked it under the glass. “It’s fiber optic cable. Lots of computer companies use it to transmit data. It’s faster and safer than a regular wire, but as it is I have no idea how it was used. It’s just a conductor with a USB plug on one end. Let’s say you had several offices in buildings around the county. The best way to connect them to a central server would be optic fiber like this except that would be insulated to protect it from the weather.” I handed everything back to the detective. “Anything else I can help you with?”
“No—thanks for your help. You coming to the precinct to pick her up?”
“No. I suspected she was going to cheat on me. I heard that on the phone call, too. It was over then, but I thought I’d fuck her a few more times before I kicked her to the curb. She can take a cab to her office or wherever her SUV is then she can pick her stuff up here. After that I don’t really care. I’ll have her stuff on the porch. The locks will be changed today. I’ll be lucky if I never see her again.
“You can tell her that she really blew it. I’ve been in business less than two years and I’m already a multi-millionaire. She could have had a life of luxury. She killed my love for her with that one conversation—her dastardly plans for me, her cheating. I would have done anything for her before that. Now I’ll do nothing. Tell her that, will you?”
“Yeah, we’ll tell her.” He reached out to shake my hand then turned and the detectives walked away—out of the house and out of my life.
I had all of Daisy’s stuff on the porch by the end of the day. The locksmith had charged me double for immediate service. I paid him gladly, just as I paid the garage door guy to change the code. I changed the alarm code myself then I retired to what had been our room, lay back on the bed and cried my heart out. I was all cried out an hour later. I really had loved Daisy with all my mind, body, and soul. I thought at the time that I was now exactly like Daisy’s father. I used to be a man. Now…who knew?
I fell asleep there fully clothed until Daisy phoned collect Sunday morning. “John, you have to come and bail me out. This is a terrible mistake. Please, I’m at the precinct. I need your help.” I was silent for more than a minute until she continued, “John? John?”
“I suppose we have to speak sometime and now is as good as any other. We’re done, Daisy…finished.”
“But, why? I love you. We love each other.”
“Well, to start with there was the conversation you had with your mother Monday evening. I forgot to mention that I installed a phone in my workshop. I heard all of your plans for me. I’d have to be an idiot to allow that to happen. You know what a memory I have.” I spent the next five minutes repeating everything word for word, hearing Daisy gasp several times. “I found that ‘object’ your mother kindly provided for you to use on me—stainless steel…durable as well as decorative, if you’ll pardon my sarcasm. Unfortunately, it had a terminal accident between my anvil and sledge hammer. You’ll find it in one of the boxes on the front porch right under a check for your earnings. I hope it was for real estate sales and not for fucking your boss.”
“John, please don’t believe anything in that conversation. I have to act that way or my mother won’t talk to me.”
“Would that be so bad? She helped to fuck us up once before and now she’s done it again. If you didn’t mean anything in that conversation why didn’t you mention it to me? Why didn’t you show me that contraption so we could destroy it together? And don’t tell me you didn’t have sex with your boss. I saw you leave your office. I was there in the parking lot when you kissed him and I followed you to the bar. Even in the truck I was driving I could see your head bobbing up and down and I saw you wipe a dollop of semen from your lips. We’re done. I’ve put all of your stuff in boxes on the porch. Pick up your shit and go. You’ve had a profitable year—new car, expensive diamond ring, jewelry, clothes—probably coming to more than a hundred grand. It would have been more if we had been married, even with the pre-nup.”
“We burned that.”
“We burned our copies. The lawyer has the original. I’m not an idiot, you know.”
I could hear the regret in her voice as she spoke, “So…there’s no chance for us?”
“No…none. Goodbye, Daisy—I don’t want to see you again…not even once. If I do I’ll pursue a restraining order. Why don’t you go home to mommy dearest?” I ended the call thinking that I had really dodged a bullet, but where was I going to find a replacement? My skills with women were still nothing to brag about.
I spent a quiet Sunday lolling around the house and thinking that I should get a boat. At least then I could go fishing, something I hadn’t done since I was a teenager. Yes—I could easily afford a boat and maybe even a membership at the yacht club down by the harbor. I could certainly take a look at some during the many spare weekend hours ahead.
I went to work early Monday morning and every morning for the next month, staying late because I really had no life other than my work. I must confess that I was less than cordial to my employees. Okay, I was a real grouch. Then on Monday morning exactly four weeks later I was in my office well before my secretary, Cara, arrived at 9:00. She looked in, shook her head, and disappeared, returning five minutes later with two cups of coffee, closing the door as she brought them to my desk. “Okay, John, I’ve worked with you for almost two years and I’ve never seen you act like this before. Something’s up with you. What is it? You’ve been a different person for the past month.”
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