“I think introductions are in order.” I gave my name, as well as Momo, Sonja, and Chloe’s.
Lorraine held her arm out to the three muscular demigods. “I’m Lorraine Baxter, and this is Steve, my cockatoo, Tobi, a fox that we adopted, and Alex, my iguana. I call them my three pillar men.”
“Pillar men? Is that some kind of reference to something?” I asked.
“Some kind of reference? That’s a motherfucking JoJo reference, you philistine!”
“I think you can see now that her weird abilities weren’t the only reason why I had her move out,” said Elise with a groan. “By the way, girls, I am Elise, and this here is Betty. I’m sure you all have a lot to talk about. Go relax in the living room, I’ll take care of dinner. Betty, you go ahead with them.”
In the living room, surrounded by knick-knacks and pictures of the Baxter family, the girls and I took the couch. They huddled in close to me, understandably nervous. Lorraine and Betty took two recliners, while the “pillar men” grabbed chairs from the dinner table.
“I guess… the first thing I should ask is when did this start?”
“It started right after Thanksgiving, with Steve. I woke up to the sound of his birdcage being ripped open and when I came downstairs, I found him on the floor. Man, that was one scary night. Elise and I thought he was some hophead who had broken in. Had we not noticed the feathers and realized what had happened, we would have called the police.”
Steve was about to start talking but Lorraine forced a cracker into his mouth just as he opened it. With a nightmare like this, she had to be quick on the draw.
“Next was Tobi, who transformed in the middle of January. That was when we realized that this was going to keep happening. Since it was happening specifically to my animals, we could only assume that I was the cause. Elise said I had to move out before it happened to any of the livestock.”
“I didn’t want to go into the barn and get raped by a minotaur!” Elise hollered from the kitchen.
“Yeah, what she said. Anyway, I moved into an apartment building and Alex turned right after.”
“Wait, you moved into an apartment building with them? But what if they were discovered?”
“Oh, everyone in the building knows about them, but I just say that they’re furries and that pretty much stops all questions right there. Everyone thinks they’re just weirdos playing dress-up.”
Crap, that might actually work, and anyone who talked to Lorraine for five minutes would just assume she was just like them. I had actually considered a cover like that before, but it was too risky and too easy to break. Hell, Sonja’s tail starts wagging the moment anyone talks to her.
“And all the transformations happened when you were asleep?”
“Yeah, it’s certainly a weird thing to wake up to.”
Tell me about it.
“Do any of you three remember the transformation?”
“No, I was just asleep in my cage like always, then bang! I’m on the floor! And it really hurt, too! There were bits of metal under me, I hit my head, oh it was just a big mess! And when I realized I couldn’t fly, I was heartbroken! But these hands, I love having hands! Being able to run is pretty great too!”
Nurse Baxter, the patient is becoming hyperactive. Please administer one hundred grams of crackers.
“I don’t remember anything,” said Tobi, curtly. He was clearly uneasy with us being here.
And Alex didn’t say anything at all, just continued looking at us like he was watching TV. I was starting to see their personalities. Steve, the cockatoo, was talkative and noisy. Tobi, the fox, was tense and timid. And Alex, the iguana, well, he was an iguana.
“But on the plus side, I bring them here during weekdays on my way to work and they help out Elise.”
“And Alex has magic fingers,” Betty purred as she massaged her breasts.
Ok, moving past that…
“Well for me, it started with Momo in July. I just woke up with her on top of me. Soon afterwards, I found Sonja going through my garbage so I took her in. She transformed in August. After that, I decided to move, because I wanted to keep the girls hidden and I was hoping it was something about my house that was causing it, like the land was haunted or something. Then in October, Sonja discovered Chloe living in our woodshed.” I paused, wringing my hands together. The girls all looked at me, knowing why I was hesitating. “There was a fourth, a deer. She transformed sometime in December. But she was far out in the woods and she froze to death before we could find her.”
“I’m sorry,” said Lorraine.
“For a long time after that, it stopped, and I hoped it had stopped for good. But then I met Betty. I was around her for no more than few minutes and the moment I had my back turned, she transformed. Until now, it’s only happened when I’m asleep, and after I’ve spent time living close to the girls while they were animals. I’m worried that now it’s getting worse and it’s going to keep happening more and more frequently. Any animal may end up transforming as soon as they’re near me.”
Lorraine and I turned to Betty. “What happened to you in the barn?” Lorraine asked.
“Nothing, I was just standing where I normally do when I’m being milked, then all of the sudden, I was up on my hind legs and my body had changed. All I knew was that I was horny and pissed off at him for interrupting Elise.”
“Great, so still no answers,” I said. “If I could at least see it happen then maybe I would learn something. I tried looking online but there aren’t any cases of this happening. Either you and I are the only two people on Earth with this weird ability, or no one yet has revealed themselves. Either way, the fact that we live so close to each other can’t just be a coincidence.”
Lorraine leaned back and sighed. “I’m sick of this. You don’t know anything and I don’t know anything. My sister is making dinner and I brought beer. Let’s stop talking about such dismal things and start partying!”
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