I know Crystal sadness all too well, I felt myself responsible for my father. If I did not sneeze on him causing him to take the time to find a new shirt the day he died, he would have been at work and missed the accident. I was only three just like Crystal is; maybe that is why she is here. I may be the one person that will truly understand her pain.
I had a chance to speak with Ms. Clark. She shared a few more details of the accident that took Crystal’s parents, with me. They were at a red light, it just turned green and they were pulling out when a truck sped through the intersection and ripped the car in two when it crashed into their small sedan. Crystal was in a back half the car and it spun out of the intersection. The front half of the car with her parents inside collide with another truck and killed them instantly.
Not wanting Crystal to think she was responsible for that, any longer I say to her, “Crystal you didn’t cause the guy to speed and run the light hitting you and your Mommy and Daddy. I understand why you would think so, when I was your age I lost my Daddy too. I sneezed on him and got his shirt messy. He took the time to get a new shirt, and that made him late. On the interstate there was an accident, it only happened a few minutes before he got there. My Dad was the person that would never stand on the sidelines, so he immediately went to help. I always felt guilty at first, because what happened at home put him at the scene. It took me a while to realize I did not have any control over what happened. That the car that caused the second accident wasn’t my fault.”
Alyssa hearing what I am saying comes and says to Crystal, “That was the day your grandpa save my life, and the life of your Aunt Joan. Your grandfather died saving people, he did not know one of us but he still came to our rescue. Even the two firefighters he threw me to were rushing to our side. If he hadn’t tossed me into them we would’ve been in the accident that took your grandpa’s life.”
Mom comes over and gives Alyssa a hug and she looks into my face she says, “I never really blamed anyone for your father’s death JJ, especially you. Things like that happen, they’re just accidents no one wants them to happen they just do.”
Crystal still crying says, “If I had not been crying Daddy would have been watching the road better, but he was looking at me.”
Looking at Crystal I say, “It wasn’t your fault; it wasn’t your Dad’s fault. The driver that hit your Daddy was driving too fast. He did not even try to stop so it was his fault. You didn’t make that man drive fast or not stop, your Daddy did not make him either.”
Crystal looking into my face sees that I share her tears, as they fall from her beautiful brown eyes they also fall from mine. Crystal sees that I am not angry for her being sad; that I share her sadness allows herself to grief finally. She cries for a long time holding to me, she finally reaches for Kathryn she holds to her and cries too. All the family tries to comfort her, they say they love her and that will not change.
After a long and tearful time Crystal is a little afraid as she asks, “I’m sorry I couldn’t keep it in any longer, are you going to send me back now?”
Kathryn and I both give her a squeeze as we say simultaneously, “Of course not, you’re our daughter. We love you.”
Sam getting Crystal’s attention says, “Told you so, Daddy and Mommy are not like that. Once they love you they’re not going to stop.”
Helen says, “That’s one thing my granddaughter you need to learn, when you’re a member of this family and you are, you are loved.”
Crystal reaches for her grandma and Kathryn allows her to go into her arms, Crystal looking up into Helen’s face wipes a tear away and says, “I love you Grandma.”
Helen finally says, “I’m just beginning to love hearing that. I love you too Crystal.”
Kara holds Cindy whom also share her tears and I open my arms to her she reluctantly leaves Kara’s embrace for mine. Cindy does ask, “Is that true, you and Aunt Kathryn said you love me?”
Holding to Cindy I say, “Yes my beloved niece, you are a member of this family, and you are loved. I am always going to be your uncle.” Cindy smiles brightly at my statement, but it confused Kara and Daniel.
It is getting late everyone returns home, it is not surprising that three girls run to our bedroom as soon as they brush their teeth. Kathryn and I dressing in our pajamas cuddle with the three girls like the night before. Again, in the morning we wake up to Mom, Helen, and their giggles.
I did like before and waited to the girls went to the bathroom before going to the bathroom with Kathryn. Today she is unwilling to leave my side, and we shower together. I know my mother took our daughters downstairs. The girls’ grandmothers are getting them ready for the day.
Kathryn a little nervously asks, “JJ, are you sure everything is going to be all right?”
Not hesitating I reply, “Oh I will make sure of it, I got too much to live for. Do not forget I get to get you pregnant nine more times. I get to give Sam and Crystal twelve little sisters. I get to watch the fourteen of them grow up. I get to change diapers, I get to be their first crush, I get to have my heartbroken fourteen times as they find new loves, I get to help them through their broken hearts, then one day they find their true love and I’ll get to walked them down the aisle and give them away. Then I get to play with the grandkids and spoil them too. Through all of that, I get to be beside you, I get the love you and feel you love me back. There’s no way I’m giving that up.”
Kathryn giggles and says, “Since you put it that way, I got too much to live for too. I better see your butt back here on the evening of the third or you’re in trouble.”
With a chuckle I say, “Sam’s coming to keep me out of trouble remember. I think will find out she is very good at that.”
Kathryn looking into my eyes asks, “Do you really think we’re doing the right thing letting Sam go?”
I tell Kathryn, “Like you said it would be impossible for us to keep her from going, without breaking her spirit. She would not be our Sam anymore. I am going to get security guards to patrol the parking lot, the back door and anywhere a thief might come through. I will keep myself ready just in case, and Sam’s premonitions are pretty accurate. She’ll direct Ron, while your Mom and Dad and the Sergeant major protect Sam.”
Kathryn confesses, “I’m still scared, can’t you just not go.”
Looking into Kathryn’s eyes I say, “From Sam’s premonitions if I don’t go a lot of people will die. If I stop, the robber and I know I can. Sam has Ron stop the Good Samaritan from accidentally shooting me, and no one gets hurt. How could I not go? It is another one of those choices where you choose yourself or others, keep yourself safe and allow others to suffer. Like my father I can’t do that.”
Kathryn smiles gently she says, “Just like Sam, you share the same spirit. If you both stayed it would break that spirit.”
Kathryn and I kiss for a long time, and we have to hurry to the airport for our flight. Before we depart, Kathryn and I share another long kiss.
Kara comes to our side she gently tugs on to her sister and says, “Kathryn, JJ needs to go now. Sam is going to be fine with Mom and Dad. Ron would do whatever it takes to keep his friend safe. JJ just needs to know that you will be safe. That Amanda is safe.”
I smile at Kara before I tell Kathryn, “Your big sister is right. You cannot fly right now because it is too dangerous for Amanda. I know if that were not the case, you would be there in a heartbeat. I will see you tomorrow. I love you.” I lean in, caress her belly, and feel Amanda kick under my hand. I say at feeling her kick, “I love you too Amanda.” Amanda kicks one more time. Then I pull myself away and board the aircraft. Sam is between her grandparents and Marshall faces them. I take the seat beside Marshall as the plane begins to taxi.
Ron is across the aisle and he smiles nervously at me. He says, “After all the time I spent flying you think I wouldn’t be nervous about taking off.”
Chuckling I say, “Marshall has a death grip on his seat. Guess it’s normal to feel this way then.”
Sam rolls her eyes, which causes the rest of us to break out into nervous laughter. Just them the pilot accelerates the plane and we are in the air before we know it. The rest of the flight goes by fast, which is great for us. The pilot tells us we are not fighting the jet stream and should be in Texas a half hour early.
Through the course of the flight, I speak to Kathryn three times, once shortly after we took off and two more times before we crossed over the Mississippi. Sam is enjoying the flight, and I sat beside the window with her on my lap.
I give Kathryn a call shortly after we land, and Sergeant Major Sampson meets us at the airport. He even has a booster seat for Sam. Sam, Helen, Michael senior and I ride with the Sergeant Major as he takes us on a quick tour, Ron and Marshall head towards the hotel with our luggage. Fortunately, the hotel had a couple of adjoining penthouse suites, and I took both for our family.
The Sergeant Major takes us on to post, and shows us around a little, we have a few hours before we need to get ready for the event tonight. Sam amazes the Sergeant major as she points out landmarks she remembers.
The Sergeant major says, “Your wife talked to me earlier today JJ, she told me you were having trouble finding bicycles. Let’s go check the PX they may have some.”
Sam smiles at me and says, “Told you I get to help you pick out something special.”
Chuckling I say, “Yes you did my big girl.”
Once we arrive which only took a couple minutes, the Sergeant Major laughs as I put Sam on my shoulders. Finally he tells me, “If you were a few years older, I would swear you were her father, you act just like him.”
With a smile I say, “I guess Sam trained me well.”
As we walk in the Sergeant Major smiles saying, “I don’t think she could train you on how to love her, like you do. I know you love her as your daughter. A father knows these things. We see it when other people don’t.”
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