I left my fingers inside of her, pressing upward but not moving. I waited. Almost imperceptibly she started moving again, pushing harder and harder against my hand. Again, I let her movements guide the pace but this time I left my hand in her hair, moving her head around. She came once, twice, maybe more before my hand retreated. Curling up behind her on the floor, I held her sweaty, beautiful body, my nose buried in her hair, inhaling her intoxicating fragrance.
After a few minutes, using my free hand, I release one strap after another, first disconnecting her chest from her knees, then ankles and finally wrists. With that she rolled over and buried her head in my shoulder. I grabbed the throw off the couch and covered her. We laid there, as I listened to her breathe. When it seemed to return to normal, I looked down. She was staring up at me.
“Welcome back. Can I get you anything?”
“My brain? A drink of water?”
“Stay here, I’ll be right back.” I returned with glasses for both of us. She was sitting on the floor, knees up, leaning back against the couch wrapped in the blanket. I sat on the couch above and next to her and handed her a drink. She sipped, clearly thinking, laying her head against my knee.
“Don’t think too much. Don’t second guess or worry – there’s more than enough time for that later, if you’re anything like me. Just enjoy. You ok?”
“Ok?”, she looked incredulously at me “I’m don’t think I’ve ever felt better and I’m not sure what to do with that.” She took a sip, shifted to face me from the floor. “Where did you learn to do that?”
“From all the wonderful women who gifted me with their time and love. Instinct.” I sipped. “Who knows.”
Katie got up on her knees, adjusted the blanket around herself and put her chin on my knee. “I mean, I’ve never felt like that. I don’t know if I should laugh, cry, run to the girls or just talk your ear off. I’m tired and wired all at the same time. What are you?”
“I’m just a guy who has learned from his mistakes and is really lucky to have met you and Chloe. No one special.”
“Oh no, none of that self-deprecating bullshit. You were amazing. I felt safe, pushed, exhilarated, dangerous and about a million other things. You did that – you, you….”
“No my dear, you did that; I just helped. It’s you that are lovely and amazing” leaning in for a soft kiss on the lips.
We sat in silence for a few minutes, her head resting on my leg.
Suddenly, she looked up, letting the throw slip down off her shoulders. “Wait a minute – you’re still dressed? How is that possible? Can’t I do something for you?” She started to reach for my pants.
“Stop, stop, stop,” grabbing her hands and inserting my fingers between hers. “I am great – that was one of the most enjoyable experiences I’ve ever had. If I’d wanted more than I guess I could have taken more, but this was about you. Just getting to touch you, smell you, feel you, was more reward than I deserve.”
She looked at me quizzically, not really believing me. “I don’t know how to take that? Aren’t you frustrated or something?”
“That’s a young man’s lie. You reach my age, experience is more important, and more interesting, than outcome.”
She stared at me again. “I’m starting to better understand some of the things Chloe said about you. Not sure I believe them yet, but we’ll revisit that later.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Does that mean you’d like to see me again? I’m not just some poor fool to use and throw aside?” Smiling at her, I reached down and cupped her chin.
“You may not get rid of me for a while. But right now, I need to process. I have to work tomorrow, and I’m worn out.” She started to look around for her clothes. I got up and retrieved her dress, shook it out and brought it to her. I admit I did not offer the panties back.
“Are you going to be ok getting home? Would you like me to drive you?”
“I’ll be ok, thanks.”
“I’m not so sure I can in good conscious let you wander around alone. I don’t even know where you live. I do have a guest bedroom with clean sheets if you’d like to stay.”
“You’d let me stay?” she said as she dropped the dress and wrapped herself back up in the blanket. “I really don’t think I want to deal with the world or roommates right now. Too raw.” She looked at me “Are you suggesting the guest room because you don’t want me to spend the night with you?”
“I am suggesting the guest room because I snore. Loudly. And you just said you need a good night’s sleep, whereas I have no obligations tomorrow.”
“I’d rather not be alone.”
“How about a compromise. Come to bed – I’ll make sure you are sound asleep before I start sounding like a train. If I wake you, elbow me and I’ll move to the guest room.”
“Oh no, I couldn’t throw you out of your own bed.”
“You can, and you will want to. Promise me.”
“Yes master”
“Don’t even joke like that – that’s too creepy for me. I am no one’s master and you are no one’s servant. Ok?” She nodded. “I’ll show you the bedrooms, where the bathroom is, and I can find a tee shirt and shorts if you’d like. Would you like a shower?” I hoped not, since she smelled so wonderful, but was a good host.
“I sleep in the buff, thanks. And I prefer to shower in the morning, as long as you don’t mind lying next to a sweaty, stinky mess like me.”
“If that is a mess, I’m not sure I could handle you put together.”
We moved to the bedroom and crawled under the covers. She curled up next to me and fell asleep almost immediately. I really wanted to stay the night, but I know my snoring. After about a half hour, when I knew she’d sleep through the night, I tucked her in, kissed her on the cheek and moved to the other room.
…..
I’d left the shades in the guest room open, hoping the sun would wake me before she got up. But as I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was Katie, in one of my old tee shirts, sitting lotus on the bed, staring at me.
“Morning beautiful, how’d you sleep?”
“Better than I have in years.”
“Glad to hear it.” She continued to stare. “What’s up?”
“I have about a million questions, that what. Let’s start with why.”
“Why what?”
“Why are you so nice, why are you single and why am I here with you?”
“Those are a bit all over the place. Well, I’m not so nice – if you come by a few more times, I’m sure the real me will show. I’m not single – I’m widowed and intend to remain that way for the rest of my life. It’s not that I don’t believe I could meet someone wonderful – its that I don’t want to, as I live with my wife in my head. I know that sounds crazy, but so be it.”
“That doesn’t sound crazy.”
“Give it time. And you are here because of your friend, curiosity and a desire to learn more about yourself.”
“Am I a pervert? Is there something wrong with me?”
I sat up. “Come here.” She scooted closer and I took both hands. “You are neither a pervert, a masochist nor submissive. You are a person who has fantasies, interests, desires, and history, like every other human being. You are saner than most because you figured out what works for you. All those words are just meaningless labels. As long as you don’t let your desires rule or harm you, then who is to judge? Fuck ’em.”
She looked down. “What if I judge me?”
“I would say don’t, but that’s really for you and your girlfriends, or therapist, to work through. I’m just a creepy old guy, remember.”
She jumped me, pushed me down and gave me a big hug,
“I do not understand you at all, did you know that? I am totally confused and really happy.”
“Not a bad way to go through life – wish I’d tried that.” I rolled her off me and stood up “Breakfast?”
“I wish. I know I said I don’t have anything until the afternoon, but I’ve got to get home, shower, and do all the things we girls do before we go out.”
“You can shower here. I have good water pressure.”
“I’ll remember that but not today. I’ve taken up enough of your time and I don’t believe there is such a thing as a walk of shame. Let world judge me” throwing up her hands,” I’m happy.”
I watched as she dressed, gave her a cup of coffee and we walked to the door. She gave me a hug and a lovely kiss and headed out. Turned back. “Wait, when can I see you again?”
“That, my dear, is up to you. You have my number; you even know where I live. Surprise me.”
I texted her later that day, checking in and thanking her for putting up with me. She sent a string of emojis that seemed happy and positive but which I did not understand and then I didn’t hear from her for a few days. Which was fine – I was happily sore from the living room floor and needed recovery time.
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