“Keep begging,” Ellen insisted. “If you don’t beg, then I’ll stop.”
“Please don’t stop, Mistress,” I whimpered. “I’m begging you. Please let me cum.”
“Tell me what you’d do for me to let you cum right now.” She brought me near the edge, rubbing her fingers along my most sensitive nerves. “Tell me what you’d do,” she whispered, now very seductively.
“I’d do anything, Mistress,” I answered. “Please. Anything. Please make me cum.”
“You’d do anything?” she insisted. Ellen expertly kept me at the very edge of climax, reducing the stimulation just in time to keep me from exploding, and increasing it again at the first hint that my arousal might fade.
“Yes, Mistress, anything.” By this point, I was whimpering pathetically. “Please, I’m begging you. I’d do anything for you to make me cum. Please… Please…”
“I believe you,” she said hypnotically, still keeping me at the edge. “You would do anything to cum, wouldn’t you? You’d do anything. You’d put your cock in my pussy. You’d fuck me like a whore. You’d tie me up. You’d beat me. You’d torture me. You’d humiliate me. You’d violate me. You’d degrade me. You’d rape me. Wouldn’t you?”
As she listed these horrible things, she continued to work my cock, but her touch had turned ice cold, and her voice had changed from that of my sweet seductress into that of my pitiless accuser. “Wouldn’t you?” she repeated harshly.
My guilt and shame came flooding back, and the desire in my loins died as quickly as it had arisen. Despite her continued massaging, I went flaccid, and she let my cock go.
“But it’s not that way.” I protested, raising my head to look in her eyes. “Come on, I told you, it’s just a fantasy; it’s not real. You know that I’ve changed. You know that in real life I’d never hurt you.” I felt tears of remorse and frustration well up in my eyes.
“You disgust me,” she said, and she spat in my face, a viscous gob dripping just below my eye. “Can’t you see what a betrayal this is? What it means for me to know that every time you look at me, you’re thinking of hurting me or raping me? Don’t you realize how awful that is? God, you are so vile.” She spat on me a second time.
“But it’s not that way, Mistress,” I insisted, my voice turning to a whimper as I tried to fight sobs of frustration. “I don’t know what to tell you. I’m sorry, but it’s not. Really, it’s not.” I was desperate for her to understand me, but she seemed determined not to.
She raised the riding crop as though to strike my cock again, but she reconsidered and placed it on the counter next to the sink. “Give me your hands,” she commanded. I did so, she quickly bound my wrists together with plastic zip ties. She always kept a handful of these in her pockets, in case she needed me immobilized for some reason.
“I can’t talk about this anymore. I feel completely dirty and violated right now, and I need some time to think.” I started feeling real guilt at the thought that my selfishness might have caused her pain. “I’m going downstairs to have a cup of tea. You will stay here and think about what you did, and what it means for us.”
“Yes, Mistress,” I replied.
After she left, I started shivering, from the cold, or from self-revulsion, or both.
***********
Ellen returned after about twenty minutes to find me in the shower cabinet, with my hands tied and head bowed, her gobs of spit still on my face, reminding me of her repugnance. I was cold, snivelling, utterly miserable.
Through my lowered eyes, I saw that she held a sharp pair of scissors in her hand.
“I’ve decided something,” she said, raising my chin and looking intently in my eyes. “Listen to me very carefully. I’m going to cut the ties on your wrists, and when I do, you’ll be free. Completely. No cage. No collar. No submission.” Her voice was very firm.
“But I don’t understand, Mistress,” I replied. Then I panicked at the thought, “Are you going to leave me, like you said?”
“No. I won’t leave you,” she answered. “I know that you’ve been trying, and I know that you’ve been faithful to me, and that’s what I really wanted all along. So I’ll stay for now, and we’ll see how it goes.”
“But how will it be between us now? I mean, all this,” I said, gesturing vaguely to my bound hands.
She laughed with more than a touch of bitterness. “Well, you won’t be topping me anytime soon, if that’s what you’re thinking.” After a pause, she shook her head and continued, “I don’t know. I really don’t. I hope we’ll work something out.”
“I understand, Mistress,” I said, a note of sorrow creeping into my voice. I bowed my head.
“Look at me,” she said. “It’s not your fault. If anything, it was my mistake to think that I could help you change. But this incident shows that at the end of the day, you’re just not capable of it.”
“But I have changed,” I protested. “You have to see how much more I love you now. I mean, I always loved you, but it’s different now. I adore you now. I worship you. All I ever think about is pleasing you. And I’m trying so hard. I really am.”
“I know you are,” she said gently. “But deep down inside, you’re not a submissive.” I started to tremble. “It’s a shame, after all the effort you’ve put into it. But I really think it would be better for both of us if you went back to the way you were. Who knows? Maybe we could find another woman and top her together.”
I shook my head. “I don’t want another woman; I want you,” I said, and I meant it. In the past, I’d found our threesomes to be immensely pleasurable, but at that moment I found the thought of sticking my cock into any pussy but Ellen’s to be repulsive.
Still looking into my eyes, Ellen continued in her soft, hypnotic voice. “I’m doing this for your happiness,” she said. “You’ve done everything I’ve asked of you, but your heart’s not in it. Deep down, you don’t need me as your Mistress. You’d be happier if I set you free. Don’t you agree?”
I tried to answer, but I choked on my emotions. “Don’t you agree?” Ellen repeated.
“No, Mistress!” I finally managed to blurt out. She looked at me, seemingly surprised at my outburst. It had been months since I’d contradicted or raised my voice to her. I tried to hold her gaze, but I couldn’t, and I lowered my head.
“Shhhh… Trust me,” she said, taking my shoulders in her hands. “It’s for the best. I know you’re starting to find comfort in your submission, but I can’t ask you to keep living a lie.”
“It’s not a lie,” I insisted. Again, I raised my voice, this time out of desperation. “How can I prove it to you? Tell me what I need to do, and I’ll do it. But don’t free me, please. Be my Mistress.”
She looked into my eyes. “It’s been hard for you, hasn’t it?” she asked, and I nodded. “Of course it has. This is new for me too, and I’m sure I’ve made my share of mistakes. But since I was the one who accepted dominance, it was my responsibility to make it work. So if it’s been difficult, then it’s really all my fault. Can you forgive me?”
I didn’t know how to answer. “Yes” would imply that I agreed that she’d done something wrong or that I had the right to forgive her. “No” would obviously be much worse. So I said nothing, and I looked down at her feet.
She gently lifted my head. “Do you really not want me to free you?” I shook my head. “I need you to tell me,” she said firmly. “If you’re sincere, then I need you to say it.”
I swallowed hard, then spoke. “I don’t want you to free me. I want to stay submissive to you. I want you to be my Mistress.” I was overwhelmed with emotion, and tears formed in my eyes.
“Shhhh… don’t cry,” she said. “If you want me to be your Mistress, then I will be. And if you’re willing to really trust me, then I’ll help you become a better submissive to me. Would you like that?” I nodded my head, but she shook her head and said, “I need you to ask me.”
I lowered my eyes and answered, “Please help me become a better submissive to you, Mistress.”
“Alright,” she said. “Wait here.” I heard the water running in the sink, and after a few moments, Ellen applied a hot, wet washcloth to my genitals, massaging all over and around my cock and balls. When the cloth cooled a bit, she again ran it under hot water and continued to warm my groin. A wave of pleasure washed over me, and I closed my eyes. The sensations weren’t sexual, but spiritual. I loved her utterly, and I luxuriated in her care and tenderness.
I opened my eyes again when I heard snip, snip, snip, and I saw that she was cutting off my wet pubic hair with her scissors. I didn’t resist. I just relaxed and watched another small symbol of my masculinity fall away.
When she’d finished with the scissors, she picked up my cordless beard trimmer and used it to shorten my pubic hair still further. Then she brought the trimmer up and cut a single stripe of my chest hair to a stubble.
Ellen put the gadget down and picked up a can of shaving cream. She squirted a large glob to the base of my cock and spread it all around my pubic area and over my scrotum. “Alright, you can finish the rest yourself,” she said.
She rinsed off her hand, cut the zip ties from my wrists, and handed me the shaving cream, together with a pink woman’s razor. “You will shave yourself completely. And not just around your genitals,” she continued. “Your chest and armpits and legs and everything else. Thankfully, your back and bottom are already smooth, so I don’t have to get involved again. Let me know when you’re finished.”
“Yes, Mistress,” I acknowledged, and she left me to it.
***********
Ellen re-entered the bathroom about twenty minutes later. “You forgot your eyebrows and eyelashes,” she said with a hint of displeasure. “But I guess we could let that go for now, considering your job and everything.”
Holy fuck, I hadn’t even considered that.
She ran a finger up the length of my leg, testing the smoothness of my calf and my inner thigh. She didn’t say anything, so I presumed that she was satisfied. She then lifted up my genitals to check under my scrotum and around my taint. “Raise your arms,” she commanded, and she inspected each armpit. “Alright,” she said. “This is acceptable.”
My heart lightened. Her approval had become very important to me.
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