“Try not to make any comments about Tasha’s looks or her being unfairly hot or anything. Around her, at least.”
Blake cocked her head, “Okay?”
Liam smiled again, “She’s never explicitly told me, but I think that’s something she has issues with. She has a thick skin and a bit of a ‘fuck you’ attitude about it, but a lot of people don’t really see past her appearance. Girls and guys.”
Blake nodded, “Which is why she doesn’t have a ton of friends.”
“Exactly.”
Blake smiled, squeezing his hand, “I think that’s something I can understand.”
Liam leaned in to kiss her forehead, and Blake shivered, feeling all warm inside.
Their rolls came a short time later, and Blake tore into one as soon as the waitress walked away. Once she’d completely devoured the warm, olive oil-soaked bready goodness of her first role, Blake took a deep breath and turned to Liam. He met her gaze, then set down the second half of his role, raising an eyebrow.
Just do it.
“I need to thank you,” she forced out, taking his hand, “For not asking what was going on after I admitted I haven’t been doing so well.”
Liam gave a slight nod, and Blake felt a half-smile tug at her lips.
“I also need to apologize for being so distant.”
Liam shook his head, squeezing her hand.
“You don’t. You told me you needed to work things out for yourself, and both of us needed to study.”
Blake raised an eyebrow, “Even you aren’t that perfect.”
Liam stuck out his tongue, “Asshole.”
Blake mimicked him, and Liam grinned. Then he squeezed her hand again.
“Fine. Not asking what was going on was hard, but just because I wanted to find a way to help. I figured you just had a bad show or something–like when we talked in the bath that one time.”
Blake smiled at him, “You helped by just being you and being there for me when I needed you. Trust me. I’ll try to be better about that, though.”
Liam smiled, then finished his roll. Blake wolfed down another whole one.
“So, do I get to ask? Was it something with one of your shows?”
Blake shook her head, “I haven’t had a show like that since. This was worse, though. In a different way.”
The concern that filled Liam’s gaze made Blake’s chest grow tight.
“What happened?”
Blake bit her lip.
“If you don’t want to tell me yet–”
Blake cut him off, squeezing his hand, “I do. Just…don’t say anything till I’m done, okay? I don’t want to chicken out.”
Liam nodded.
Blake took a deep breath.
“My mom passed away about a week and a half ago.”
Her voice was thick. She hadn’t expected that. Still. Finally saying the words out loud. Finally saying them to Liam. It took a weight off of her.
“She and I didn’t have a great relationship,” Blake continued, eyes down on her hands, “It made everything so weird. Part of me is sad, but the other part was almost happy, or relieved, at least, which makes me feel shitty. That’s not how you’re supposed to feel when one of your parent’s dies.”
Blake risked a glance up. The concern hadn’t disappeared from Liam’s gaze.
You have to tell him all of it.
“The funeral was Sunday,” she forced out, throat tight as she kept her eyes on his, “I didn’t go. I couldn’t. She didn’t deserve it.”
Liam squeezed her hand, and for a moment, Blake thought she might cry.
“That’s it,” she said, dropping her gaze, “That’s what I needed to tell you. I understand if you think I’m a shitty person for not–”
Blake cut off with a gasp as Liam pulled her into his arms. She clutched at his shirt, burying her face in his shoulder, but she did not cry. Not about this.
She’s not allowed to make me feel that way.
“I don’t think you’re a shitty person, Blake,” Liam said, squeezing her. He pulled back, then brushed his hand against her cheek, “Funerals aren’t for the dead, though. They’re for the living. What about your dad or your mom’s family?”
Blake swallowed hard, fighting back a sob. There wasn’t even a hint of accusation in Liam’s voice. Just curiosity. She couldn’t give him the answer he wanted, though.
I don’t deserve him.
“I don’t know if I’m ready to talk about that,” she said, voice so quiet it surprised her, “It..it hurts. They wouldn’t have been there, either, though.”
Blake met Liam’s gaze again. The concern hadn’t disappeared, but she could see him wondering. When he spoke, Blake braced herself for the questions.
“I understand.”
Blake blinked, eyes wide as she gazed at her boyfriend.
“What?”
Liam smiled at her, “You don’t have to talk about it. I understand.”
Blake gaped up at him, unable to form words for a moment, “You do?”
As soon as the words left her mouth, something in Liam’s eyes changed. He did understand.
How can you? How can you be so fucking amazing, yet understand something like this.
Blake didn’t know how, but he did.
A knot formed in her stomach then. She knew her mom had fucked her up, but…
She looked back to Liam.
What happened to you? And how the fuck did you get through it.
Blake hoped her thoughts didn’t show on her face. The must hot have, because Liam smiled and leaned in to kiss her.
It was a soft kiss. Slow and sweet. It made her tummy flutter, but made her feel warm, too, melting away the tightness in her chest and her throat. She clutched at his shirt again, and didn’t let go when he pulled back this time.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Blake tried to look down, but Liam raised a hand to her cheek, keeping her from doing so.
“I’m not…” Liam started, then sighed, “I’m just curious.”
“I was scared,” she said eyes hot, “I didn’t want you to think I was a bad person, or too messed up for you.”
Liam smiled, running his thumb across her cheek, “I know you’re not a bad person. As far as being too messed up–everyone’s some degree of fucked up, Blake. I try not to judge that. Not anymore at least.”
Liam’s voice took on a strange tone for a moment when he said that. She couldn’t figure out what it was. He wasn’t saying that from a place of self-righteousness, like he was a saint for not judging people. More like a place of sadness.
He doesn’t want to talk about it, either, though.
So she would leave it at that.
“I didn’t always feel this way about my mom.”
Blake didn’t know why she said it. The words just came out. For some reason, it felt good.
“We were close for a while. Then in high school, things started to get difficult, and then when–at a certain point toward the end, everything just went to shit. She judged me for the way I acted, the way I dressed, the music I listened to…”
She took a deep breath as the words stopped. She couldn’t say any more. That would go places…it would be too much. She hugged Liam, and he held her tight.
He let her go after a while, and nodded away from their booth.
A moment later, their waitress came over and they ordered. Blake could have eaten an entire order of rolls and been happy, but she knew she would regret that later. It would take days of running and lifting to undo that. Liam ordered a fig and prosciutto pizza, and Blake ordered a chicken salad after ensuring Liam would let her steal a slice.
Once the waitress left with their menus Blake looked back to Liam. He was blushing.
Blake cocked her head, “What?”
“I wanted to ask about earlier,” he said slowly, “About the weird mood after sex, earlier.”
Blake blushed, “Oh, you noticed?”
Liam raised an eyebrow, and she giggled.
“Probably not the best place to discuss it, though?”
Blake shrugged, then took his hand, “I mean, I don’t mind, but if we talk later, somewhere else…”
She smirked, putting a hand on his thigh, “I might be able to offer a demonstration if you have trouble understanding anything.”
Liam blushed, but nodded, “I think that sounds better.”
Blake grinned and leaned against him for a moment.
He put his arm around her.
“Want to spend the night?”
Smiling, Blake snuggled even harder against him.
“Yes, please.”
A/N: What do you think? Did any of you suspect that was it?
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