“You know of course that my late ex husband lived here. John had a taste for the finer things in life, spirits, food, tobacco… and… friendships. He was a generous man, to a fault.” She said softly perhaps to hear herself say it more than for my benefit. “Penny of course shared with me your curiosity and her having told you how John strayed from our marriage. I was hurt, I felt betrayed. Love is a funny thing Jim, it can twist your mind as well as your heart. It can stretch shape and distort your very soul. It clouds your mind. When trust is broken, your heart can be torn apart. I hope you never experience that, truly I do, but you must be prepared for it all the same. More importantly, you must strive to never bring that pain on someone that you love by your own actions. John understood that, but only far too late. He never stopped loving me, and I him. But the trust was broken and it takes far too long for that to be mended. John’s time ran out.” Maggie grimaced as she looked once more into the glass then brought it to her lips and drained the last of the amber liquid in one gulp. She set the glass on the top of the wet bar and ran a single finger around the rim, her blood red nail shining in the light of the lamp next to the bar. Gathering herself once more she again reached out to me and took my hand and led me further into the apartment, through the kitchen, walking at a slow pensive pace, and out the other side into the bedroom. Releasing my hand she walked slowly by the long low dresser, trailing her right hand along the surface, stopping a moment at the ornate ashtray with the pipes standing ready and waiting for someone to fill and use. She brought her arms together across her chest and her hands under her arms as she turned and looked around the room lost in memory perhaps.
“Penny told you how John’s lover, became his lover. How, the woman came to me to plead for my forgiveness of John. She told me that it was never meant to happen, there were never any designs, that it had only happened out of shared love and grief for her late husband. But the damage was done, and it took me years to bring myself to forgive him. And by then it was too late. You see Jim, despite the pain and anger and hurt from that betrayal I still loved John. When someone touches your heart, deeply and completely it changes you. Everything we say to another, everything we do for another or to another stays with them, it shapes them and becomes part of them. It’s experience, it’s life… it’s what makes us who we are.” Maggie settled her gaze upon me once more and smiled as if she realized that she was speaking as much to herself as she was to me. She turned to the bed and took a seat much like Penny had the day before. She patted the bed beside her beckoning me to have a seat with her. She clasped her hands together in her lap and composed her thoughts for a moment.
“Jim, you understand that sex is not love, don’t you?” Maggie asked, and this time she waited for an answer.
“I do. But it can be confusing sometimes.” I admitted.
“That it can be, certainly, because at the same time sex IS love.” She said as she tilted her head slightly to see what my reaction would be. When she noted my knitted brows she continued. “Sex is a wonderful thing. It’s an expression of affection. It can be an extension of strong physical attraction, it can be an expression of strong emotional attachment, including friendship. And it can be the physical expression of love itself. Any and all of those are of course built on our foundations we have with those other persons. Honesty, respect, and trust… They have to exist. I feel you have a strong understanding of this. I sincerely hope that you carry that in your mind and in your heart throughout your life. Sex, is a physical act, it serves a purpose truly it does, but it’s just exercise unless you include feelings. When you put your feelings and emotions into it, it becomes love. Making love is a beautiful thing, you touch far more than simply one another’s bodies. Darling, you will find that not everyone understands the differences. There will be those in your life that will use sex as a tool or as a weapon even to get what they want, as if it were currency in exchange for some reward. Be patient, be aware. Guard yourself. You will know in your heart if it’s right or if it’s wrong, you have shown both Penny and myself that you instinctively understand this, so I’m merely restating the obvious. We both have struggled over the years to instill this knowledge into so many young minds… with mixed success I’m afraid. Some just don’t seem to grasp the idea or at least take it to heart. Most do thankfully. Some, like yourself excel however and those have left their marks on us. We become quite attached to them and when they are ready to leave our instruction, it can be emotional as I know you witnessed with myself yesterday…” Maggie’s soft voice trailed off as she closed her eyes and took a deep breath as if to steel herself against the memory.
“So you were very fond of… Terry?” I asked knowing that I was risking another bit of pain for Maggie.
“Yes, it was rather obvious wasn’t it?” She returned the question with one of her own as she opened her eyes and smiled at me.
“I didn’t fully understand it but I felt there was a very strong connection between you, and even between her and Penny. When you brought me to witness Penny kissing Terry goodbye you squeezed my hand so tight it nearly hurt, but I realized that you were not even aware of that. I sensed the emotions even then but seeing the emotion on your face while sitting at the table hurt me worse than your hand squeezing mine. Are you okay now Maggie?” I asked softly, Maggie smiled again warmly and reached out and took my hand in hers and… squeezed it… gently.
“I’d be lying if I said I was over it, but yes, I’m okay. I will miss her terribly but I’m okay.” She took on a curious expression and tilted her head askingly before saying. “When we introduced you to Terry yesterday, you seemed startled at first as if you recognized her. Had you met before?” She asked.
“No, I don’t believe we have, but for a moment I thought Terry was Michelle. They both have about the same build, the same hair color and style really, and their eyes…” I trailed off. Maggie’s hand squeezed mine again in acknowledgement.
“Ah yes, those lovely, beautiful eyes. You’re quite right, Michelle’s eyes are just as lovely indeed. They are quite captivating aren’t they?” Maggie smiled wistfully sharing my appreciation, a small glimpse into her own mind and heart perhaps.
“They are different however.” I added. “Michelle’s eyes are very close to the same color but hers have those golden flecks in them that shine when she’s happy… or angry.” I spoke with a chuckle. “I find it amazing how a woman’s eyes can reflect their moods or their thoughts. Some are far more expressive and… alluring… than others… Like yours.” I amended before my mind could stop my mouth from uttering that personal observation. Maggie leaned back a fraction and tilted her head to the other shoulder and looked into my eyes before smiling almost shyly.
“Why Jim, you flatterer you… how nice a thing to say to your dear old teacher.” Maggie quipped playfully.
“What is it with you and Penny? Who are these “Old women” you two keep referring to? Are they hiding somewhere out of sight?” I asked with a smile, this time I squeezed Maggie’s hand.
“Penny is right, you are a charmer… and you are disarming indeed! I think we’ve created a monster. The women in your life will be in for an experience I’m sure.” Maggie said with a short laugh. “I do believe you’re beginning to come out of your shell. Penny and I will have to be on our guard and double our efforts to teach you properly.”
“I am at your service and wish nothing more than to learn what I can from ones so knowledgeable.” I bowed my head and smiled warmly. “I am yours to mold and shape as you will.”
“Be careful what you wish for young man, even two old teachers can be tempted to take advantage of a situation now and again.” Maggie teased, as she withdrew her hand from mine and stretched out on the bed lying on her side, propped up on her right arm, her head resting in the palm of her right hand. Those copper amber eyes studying me with that all too familiar gaze as her left arm draped across her hip, her hand toying with the tie of her robe. “Your curiosity is to be expected, and frankly both Penny and I find it refreshing. However, as Penny confided in me, your lack of experience along with that apprehensive nature of yours can be frustrating. It’s okay to be tender and considerate, but as Penny and I both have explained, once you’ve received permission from your partner you can relax and be a little bolder even forceful to whatever extent is acceptable to her. We all have our limits of course, but discovering those limits need not be something to be fearful of. You have to explore those limits, you have to discover the nuances that are most pleasurable to your partner. There are basic similarities but the differences can be many and vary from woman to woman. Finding out her unique preferences will be rewarding both to her and to yourself. What’s more, in the course of your exploration you may discover something pleasurable that is new to her.” This last bit was spoken in almost a purr as Maggie’s eyes nearly closed, but she never broke contact with my own eyes. Truly she was studying me intently, whether to determine if I understood all that she had spoke or perhaps some indication that I did not, I know not which. I cocked my head slightly to one side and offered.
“Life has a way of surprising us doesn’t it? Little unexpected happenings and revelations, it can be overwhelming at times.” I couldn’t help but to think of several instances that surprised me to the point of being somewhat gun shy when it came to exploration as Maggie called it. “Sometimes they can be downright frightening.” I added. Maggie smiled that understanding smile and patted the bed beside her beckoning me to stretch out beside her. After I lay myself down on my left side facing Maggie in a mirror image pose such that she was in, my head propped up on my left arm and hand, Maggie continued.
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