“For the next 90 days, I own your mind, I own your dick, I own your balls, and I own your bodies. You’ll do exactly as you are told, whenever you are told to do it, and if you don’t I’ll have your dick in a jar”. With that, he reached into his drawer and pulled out a jar and handed it to Conner. “Pass that on” he said to Conner. Each boy in turn received and looked in the jar. Inside the jar in a clear liquid was a small penis about 3 inches long. There was no doubt whatsoever in any of the boys’ minds that the penis used to be on some kids body. It had obviously been cut off.
“You have 90 days to get prepared to earn your living and my job is to see to it that you are ready. You will be ready, or you’ll end up with two holes to fuck: one in your ass and one where your dick used to be. Do I make myself clear?” With Conner slumping to the floor and Aaron trying to hold him, Aaron said “Yes sir, we do”. Jimmy and Mark both said “Yes sir,”
“You’re now the property of the State Of New York and when you are asked to identify yourself, you have a number,” the sergeant continued. “I’m going to tell you that number calmly just once. Remember that number, because if you forget it you’re going to have a flashlight up your ass within moments. Clear?” he asked. The boys all shook their heads yes.
He spoke to Conner first. “You are number 88E468SD.” Moving to Aaron he said “You are number 88E469SD,” moving to Jimmy, he said “You are number 88E470SD,” moving to Mark he said “You are number 88E471SD.”
The boys repeated the number in their minds over and over again. Aaron and Jimmy felt that they could remember theirs. Mark was already feeling that he was in trouble because he had learning difficulties: he kept repeating the number in his head over and over again hoping that he would soon have access to a pencil and a piece of paper and write it down. Conner was confusing the number in his mind on the second pass. He reached over to Aaron and grabbed his hand. Aaron looked at Conner and pretty much figured out what his problem was. “I know it” Aaron said to Conner very quietly. Conner’s eyes filled up. Nothing more was said.
The New York State Corrections Department has a number given to every inmate. You were never a name, you were a number, like cows or pigs or sheep. The numbers told a lot about the body behind them. This is the system: 88E469SD tells a guard that the prisoner entered prison in 1988, he was admitted into the system through Elmira, he was the 469th prisoner to enter into that prison that year and that he was a sexual deviate. They didn’t tattoo the prisoner’s numbers on their forearms; they wear it on their clothing.
The trustee who went out with Alex then came back and the sergeant looked at him. “Doc says he’s going to be deaf in one ear. They busted his eardrum and its wild with infection. Doc’s shooting him with antibiotics to try to contain the damage,” said the trustee. “He may be lost.
Doc is in Code Red, he wants me to return.”. “Go,” said the Sergeant. “Cock sucking stupid mother fuckers, how could they possibly be so fucking stupid!” said the sergeant as he picked up his jacket and hat and slammed the door behind him. Aaron and Jimmy looked at each other not saying a word. They knew Alex was in deep, deep shit.
“Michael, put these guys down before you go back,” a guard said to the trustee. “Yes sir” said the trustee and he opened a door and said “Move out,” pointing the boys up the corridor.
“Guys?” thought Aaron. He hadn’t been referred to anything human in months. He could come up with a hundred descriptions of himself over the past 4 months, but nothing that could be repeated in church. Being called a “guy” to Aaron was like being called a Prince or Your Highness. Aaron wondered what price he would have to pay for the compliment.
Following the trustee down the hall, Aaron noticed that he had long flowing hair. The trustee’s hair ran down his neck and was tucked under his shirt, but Aaron knew that it stretched way beyond the neck. He saw lots of trustees in jail and more at Danamora, but none with really long hair! It intrigued Aaron, and he wanted to know more. Aaron was also surprised by the conversations between this trustee and the sergeant. Most trustees he had ever been in contact with were regarded or talked to by guards only mildly better than prisoners were. This one seemed to be talking to the guards as equals. That didn’t make any sense to Aaron. “What do you think Michael?” Since when did a guard care about what a prisoner thought? Aaron was confused. Not only did the guard listen to the trustee, he didn’t challenge his opinion. Who was this trustee? Aaron wanted to know.
The trustee came to a door and stopped. “You’ll be staying here tonight. You are under constant video taping in there, if there are any problems, you’ll have a squad of COs in there within seconds. Keep that in mind. There are six beds inside. Tomorrow will be a very full day for you and you need to sleep. They’ll be back for you very early in the morning, so go to sleep as soon as you can. I know you haven’t eaten all day and there are sandwiches and milk inside. Take care of each other, you’re all you have.” The trustee then opened the door and Conner, Aaron, Jimmy and Mark all filed in. Closing the door, it locked behind them.
Conner saw the food first. It was sitting on a table in the middle of the room. Peanut butter and jelly, tuna fish, egg salad and cheese and bologna sandwiches along with a refrigerator that was full of small containers of milk. Conner had no problem with opening the sandwiches and scoffing them down.
Aaron and Jimmy weren’t so sure. It was a dream come true but what was the price? Both boys looked all around. There were six beds in the unit; all of them were made up with sheets, blankets and pillows. There was a toilet, it even had toilet paper. There was a large shower stall with 4 shower heads in it. In one corner stood a water cooler and it had water in it. Aaron, Jimmy and Mark headed for the cooler and left it half empty. There was a camera in each corner of the room and the red light on the top of each camera was on. Aaron and Jimmy were very confused. What’s the catch?
Aaron decided whatever the cost; he was going to take a shower. He picked up a handful of sandwiches off the table and sat down underneath the shower head. His first sandwich was tuna, and he ate it as half the sandwich disintegrated under the force of the water. An egg salad sandwich was next and he gobbled it down before half of it went down the drain. Aaron threw out the bread from the next sandwich; the water couldn’t wash away the cheese and bologna no matter how hard it rained down on it! Aaron finished the sandwiches and sat there in the bottom of the shower stall with the water raining down on top of him. His stomach was now full. He lifted his face up to the shower head and closed his eyes and let the water wash over his face for a long time. His mind was now free to start concentrating on other issues now that his stomach was full and he drank all the water and milk he possibly could. He sat there staring down with water pouring down around him. He thought about Albany, he thought about Danamora, he thought about Alex. Sitting under a shower fall of water is a great place to lose it because no one near knows what’s happening. Aaron could let loose without anyone around him knowing he did it. Aaron lost it burying his face in his hands.
“Aaron, Aaron, Aaron, can I come in with you?” Conner asked. Conner was standing next to Aaron by the shower when Aaron realized the boy was standing there. Aaron knew that the water masked any problems that he may have been having and he also knew that Conner wasn’t quite up to speed in the development department. To Aaron, Conner was nine going on six. He didn’t think Conner was a bean, but he didn’t think Conner was going to be a rocket scientist any time soon either. “OK” said Aaron. With the water flowing down, Aaron washed Conner sitting in his lap. The other boys now joined Aaron under the shower heads, and all 4 boys sat there until they all had wrinkles on their finger tips from the water.
Conner was sound asleep before he left the shower. With Aaron shampooing his hair, Conner’s head moved closer and closer to Aaron’s chest until it rested full on it and he was out like a light. Aaron finished rinsing off the little boy’s head and Aaron sat there for a long time just holding onto Conner. Aaron didn’t have a teddy bear to comfort him, he had someone who was living and breathing instead. Aaron put Conner in a bed and pulled the covers over him. He adjusted the little boy’s head on the pillow and just stared at him for awhile. To Aaron, Conner looked like the boy was sleeping like he didn’t have a care in the world. Aaron bent forward and kissed Conner on the lips. As he did, Aaron’s tears once again started to rain down and Aaron sat there with his eyes closed holding Conner’s face in his hands. He began rocking back and forth; he didn’t know he was doing it.
Both Jimmy and Mark saw the interchange between Aaron and Conner. In other times, Aaron probably would have taken an ass whipping for what he had just done with Conner, but these weren’t “other times” and both Jimmy and Mark wished that they had a friend like Aaron.
Aaron lay there in his bed for a long time and was almost asleep when he felt a tapping on his chest. “Please, can I sleep with you?” Conner asked. Aaron was surprised to see Conner; he thought he would sleep for days if allowed to. Conner wasn’t used to sleeping alone, it rarely occurred in his very young life. Aaron opened his blanket and Conner scooted in. Without asking, Conner got on top of Aaron and used Aaron’s chest for his pillow. Conner’s breathing told Aaron that the boy was back asleep within moments of getting back into bed.
Aaron still wasn’t sure as he fell asleep whether the little boy on top of him was receiving more security, or was it the other way around? He only knew that holding onto and helping Conner gave him some measure of decency and very little else did. It also kept his mind busy on things other than himself and he didn’t want to go there.
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