I am not saying I am proud to have lied, but hell. I have never in my life imagined a man that could consume my thoughts so fully. Fill my desires so completely. I haven’t even met him yet. I have only been talking to him for a little over 6 months now.
The conversation with Jake went horribly. How could I be so cold? I didn’t mean to sound so cold when I told him. I was numb, exhausted, and afraid.
“You fucking said you quit talking to him! You fucking lied to me! I trusted you god damnit Miranda…” Jake had read some of the emails Kaleb sent me over the past few months. I was never very good at hiding things. When he questioned me about it I always told him it was just a little harmless online flirting. I promised him that it would stop.
“You fucking fix this now. You fix it now or we are done. You understand me? Done! I won’t put up with this shit ever again in OUR home.” He yelled so loud my ears were ringing.
He threw the phone at me. I ducked and it landed on the bed.
I knew I deserved his anger. He was right. I couldn’t go through with it. I had to end this thing with Kaleb.
“Fine, I will call him. I am so sorry I’ve hurt you after all we have been through. I don’t know how he does this to me? Since I met him online that day I just, can’t…”
“Shut up Miranda, you cheated on me.” He interrupted. “You lied and you fucking cheated, like a WHORE. I never thought you were capable of this. NEVER!” he slammed the door hard on his way out.
I picked up the phone and. I could hear Jake pacing in the living room. I dialed…No answer. I tried again and again. No answer.
Shit.
That night Jake slept on the couch. I couldn’t sleep. I must have dialed his number all night long with no avail. Come on answer! I pleaded silently. I was too chicken-shit to leave a message. The hours dragged on and I guess I finally fell asleep.
I woke up and shot straight out of bed. I grabbed the phone and ran to the back door as fast as my legs could carry me. Pretty damn fast. Breathing hard I saw that I had a few missed calls.All of them from a strange number.
No messages.
I called his number as I looked through the window at Jake sleeping peacefully on the couch.
“Hey babe, why didn’t you pick up” Kalebs voice startled me. Finally an answer. Thank god, I thought.
“I really need to talk to you” I said in a panic.
“OK meet me at the beach here. I’m at your favorite spot; the one you told me about. I’m in the Oasis here next to the park.” He sounded excited.
“How long have you been there?” I questioned.
“Well I just got off my flight and called a cab to bring me here until I could get a hold of you. Probably been here an hour or so. It’s beautiful down here just like you said. Get your ass down here woman, I need some company fast.”
I hung up without saying goodbye. Threw on a sundress and sandals and flew out of the house like it was burning down. Jake wasn’t up yet thank god. I stopped, looking back at our apartment.
Maybe I should tell Jake where I am going at least?
Nah. I can fix this on my own, I thought. It will not be easy but it will be a great life lesson.
My heart was racing. My knees were wobbly. I was nervous as hell. What was I going to say? Ooops sorry I lied to you; your whole trip was a waste, go home now? Oh yeah, I never broke up with Jake and I am not your girlfriend. This was going to suck. I laughed nervously.
I wandered the beach finding little peace. I walked to the Oasis and there was so sign of him. I walked up and down the peer and to the park, nothing. Maybe he was just messing with me; I started to calm myself. He does like to joke, I thought…
I walked back to the pier and sat down in a quiet spot and let my toes touch the water. I’ve been coming here since I was a kid. I had always talked to the water about everything. I know it sounds crazy but you know, those thoughts you have that are so private you fear to write them down, well this is where I let them out. The water knows all of my secrets.
Part of me was a bit disappointed that he wasn’t there.
“I love Jake too though and I could never dump him. It makes things complicated. I have to tell the truth; it’s the right thing to do.”I spoke out loud and sighed. I kicked my feet through the cool water lapping at my bare toes.
“So you didn’t dump Jake?” I heard a voice from behind. A very familiar voice…
“SHIT!” I spat out like vomit as I clung to my stuff for dear life. I could feel my cheeks hot with embarrassment. My breath was caught in my throat. I buried my face into my knees. How could I look at him? Please let that not be him. It was him. What do I do! Panic? I can’t look, I thought. Don’t look at him you dumbass! I remember thinking that if I didn’t look at him for long enough he would disappear, or I would. Either way would have been nice.
“Miranda, look at me.” I could hear pain in his voice.
“I can’t look. I tried to call you, ya know? You put me on the spot; I didn’t know what to do.”I cried, tears streaming down my bare knees and legs.
“I put you on the spot? You told me that you broke up with him. You told me we could be together. You said yes to me. We are together.” I could hear the frustration in his voice. “I flew hundreds of miles to see you and this is what you have to say to me?” his voice was raising to uncomfortable levels. I could see people staring at us, they were surely waiting for a full fledge fight to break out.
“I don’t know what to do. I told you about all the things Jake and I have been through. I can’t just leave him, our lives are intertwined.” I looked up at him. “We have a house together. We have the same friends. We have been together for years…” my voice trailed off.
“Nothing that can’t be undone, Miranda.” He sat down next to me looking a little more calm now.
I got a glimpse of his strong arms and bare chest. I tried to look away from his piercing blue eyes unsuccessfully. “I am here now. What do you want to do?”
I thought all of those times I had seen him on cam, and in pictures were as good as it gets. I was so wrong. He was beautiful. He had strong, lean, muscular arms. His chest muscles made me blush upon inspection. He wore no shoes and had no shirt on. His jeans were worn looking and they were not tight but also not baggy and sloppy looking. His deep blue eyes were hypnotizing. His face looked like it had been made by the gods. His blond sandy hair was messy and yet it was the thing I most wanted to touch at that moment. He almost looked…Inhuman.
He brushed my black hair over my shoulder. I shuddered at his touch; gentle yet rough fingers. Hands made for touching, working…fucking.
“Hey I found a really cool place back by the woods in the park, let’s walk and talk.” he said, looking confused for some odd reason. As if his mind was elsewhere.
We walked and I talked. I explained everything. The good, the bad, and the ugly all came out. I told him why I lied about Jake. Why I lied to them both. I had my reasons, they sounded so good in my head but when I said them out loud I felt selfish and shallow.
“So you were still sleeping with him?” He looked angry “While we were together?” he shot me a look that said I should answer carefully and truthfully.
“I did” I admitted. “I was thinking about you though” I could feel my cheeks getting hot again.
He was silent as we walked. I ran out of things to say. I began talking nervously, trying to fill in the gaps.
“I get it.” He finally said. “The only question I have is; do you want to be with me now?” He threw his arms around me. “I have plans for us. I have so much to tell you and so little time” he smiled. Chills went up and down my body. I could feel myself getting wet. My face flushed.
“I am sorry I can’t be with you.” I smiled weakly “I still love Jake and he needs me right now.” The words made me cringe. I wanted to be with Kaleb so bad but how could I leave Jake? I couldn’t. No matter how much I wanted another man I could not walk away from my life. Jake was my life. How could I have done this to him? I felt like such a slut. I felt…guilty. It was written all over my face. Everything happened so fast. I thought I could steer Kaleb off before things got too serious. It was just an internet fling. I thought I could control it with ease.
“I need you right now…” his voice was barely above a whisper and I could tell he was pissed. “I promise you, you are mine. It is destiny. You should never have been with him!” he was shaking and his fists were balled. “I should have never listened to Amaralei when she told me to not get involved!” he yelled.
I was starting to feel afraid. I was alone with a crazy person and nobody knew where I was. I was pissing off a crazy guy. Shit. He was not making any damn sense. I needed to get out of here and fast. He was now kneeling next to a tree with his head in his hands, muttering in some strange language that I could not quite make out. Oddly enough it felt so familiar and comforting to hear. Okay, I was going crazy too now…
I slipped the sandals I had been carrying onto my feet quickly. I knew I would have to run soon. He was still muttering next to the tree. Okay, on the count of three I am going to run out of the woods toward the beach area where there were more people. I would be safer there, I thought. It was about a hundred feet and I was a fast runner. Easy as pie, I thought. Feeling confident I started silently counting.
One…
Two…
Three…
I could barely feel my feet touch the ground as I sprinted off. My heart was beating fast and my limbs felt rubbery and clumsy as I ran. Almost there.
As I ran onto the hot sand I felt some relief wash over me. I looked back and he was nowhere to be seen. Thank god, I thought. I scanned the beach looking for other people. I waved my hands toward the Oasis in the middle of the beach, trying to get somebody’s attention.
I felt a tap on my shoulder. I spun around smacking right into his bare chest. Before I could even scream he picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. I started kicking and screaming as he carried me back into the wooded area. Could nobody hear me? Nobody even looked our direction. There was a man jogging on the beach about thirty feet away. He glanced at us and kept moving. I felt like I was dreaming. Why was nobody helping me?
It felt as though we were walking for hours, though surely it was only a few minutes. He walked swiftly and did not respond to any of my pleas. Finally, when we had wandered hundreds of yards away from the beach, he stopped and threw me off of his shoulder. I landed hard. I could feel pain in my left ankle. I realized my purse was gone and one of my shoes was missing. I was too terrified to speak. My throat was dry and rough from screaming.
He sat down on a log in front of me and we stared at each other. The look on my face was of confusion and fear. The look on his face was of anger and betrayal. I wanted to look away from him but found that I was unable.
“Why?” he finally spoke. “This was supposed to be easy. I was so sure that you were mine. Now it will not be easy and there is no turning back.” He rubbed his forehead in frustration. “All because you lied to me…To me. I could have waited. I could have convinced you Miranda.” He sighed.
I had no idea what he meant. He sounded so sane all the times we talked before; no hint of a psychotic personality. And now…Now, I was in trouble. I could feel it in my bones. I had to say something. I had to get out of here by any means necessary, or I was going to end up on a milk carton.
“I…” I paused choking on my words. “I am sorry. I do care about you. I just want to go home. My family will be looking for me. I p-promise. I w-won’t tell anybody about this” I cried. My voice was cracking and I sounded like a scared child.
He stood up. As he stepped toward me I crawled away from him. My ankle was throbbing I knew I would be unable to walk on it. He bent down and touched my ankle gently. Pushing around the lightly to see if I had broken anything.
“It’s not broken” he said calmly. “It will heal soon. I have herbs at the…the.” He paused as if he were trying to come up with a word for it. “House. They will heal it in no time.”
Something seemed to distract him. He slowly inched toward my face until he was nose to nose with me. Again, he looked furious with me. Furrowing his brows and curling his lips in a look of utter disgust he growled “Is that him I smell…” I did not answer. I looked away turning my face away from his. “LOOK AT ME!” He bellowed, scaring the shit out of me. He grabbed my chin roughly and faced me toward him again. “Answer me” he whispered through clenched teeth “Is that him I smell on you…”
“I don’t kn-know what you’re talking about” I stammered. Fucking lunatic…
“Don’t ever lie to me Miranda.” He said calmly. “I will not tolerate it from here on out. You must be honest and true. You must be loyal to me and to…” his voice trailed off. He looked stressed as though he was trying to hold something back and struggling with it.
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