I tried to break the kiss and put a little bit of space between us without dumping her unceremoniously onto the floor. But my aim was off and I grabbed a handful of breast instead of grabbing on to her shoulder. She moaned into my mouth as I squeezed. Realizing what I had done, I quickly moved my hand to the side of her face and gently broke our kiss by nudging her face. Her eyes moved back and forth searching my eyes for a clue as to why I wasn’t going to let her continue her seduction.
“Chelsea, baby. Please don’t be angry. But I met someone very recently and we have already been intimate with each other. I can’t let you continue this under false pretenses and I can’t cheat on her either. Please try and understand.”
“Oh, I already overheard all about this new chic from the guys on the floor. You shouldn’t think for a moment that I didn’t notice your own attitude adjustment. Rumor has it that you are robbing the cradle because your truck has been seen down at the High School several times lately. Charlie even told me the name of this chick because his son has a couple of classes with her since they are both seniors at her school. The gossip flying around this town about you made me dig out one of my Jimmy Buffett compact disks the other day just to play ‘Coconut Telegraph’ for the fun of it.”
There was a twinkle in her eye as she leaned in and kissed me straight on the lips again, but without the tongue this time. It was in that moment that I knew that I was going to ask her to be in the wedding with us. Whoever said that your Best Man couldn’t be a female? I never heard any rules against it!
“Hey Chells? Are you free tonight?”
“Dammit Skip! Will you make up your freakin’ mind? One second you’re telling me that I can’t make love to you because there is another woman and less than a minute later you’re asking me out on a date? What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Blindsided! I sat there in total confusion for almost two minutes as I replayed everything in my head. Then I looked at Chelsea and realized that she was being facetious and yanking my chain. I gave her a playful little swat on her hip as she sat in my lap.
“Oooo, Baby! Rough sex! Bring it!”
“Listen here, you little minx! I wasn’t asking you out on a date!” Chelsea stayed in character by instantly putting on a sad face with the lower lip protruding in a pout. But I wasn’t falling for it this time. “I’m cooking dinner for Hannah and her sister Haley tonight and I want you to join us.”
“I dunno, Skip. You know that I am a little bit slutty sometimes, and I have to admit that I am seriously bi-curious. But I think that an F-F-F-M orgy is a little bit too much even for me!”
“Can you stop for just a minute and let me have a serious conversation with you?” I said after I rolled my eyes at her.
“Oh yeah, I never mentioned the bi-curious thing before. Sorry.” Chelsea lost it then and started laughing. I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close to keep her from falling out of my lap.
We sat there cuddled together as she regained her composure.
“Chelsea, honey. Seriously. If someone asked me to name my best friend right off of the top of my head, your name would be the first one that would come out of my mouth. You’re always going to be a part of my life even though you and I will never get married. So if I end up in a long term relationship with this new girl, then you need to meet her. If not tonight, then some time really soon. Okay?”
“I love you, Skip. I always have and I always will. I knew when we stopped sleeping together that we were not meant to be. But if she should break your heart, I will gladly be your rebound lay and help you get over her, okay? So yeah, I want to meet this chick and judge for myself whether or not that she is going to be good for you. And if the day ever comes that I end up being your rebound lay, the very next day I will hunt her down and kick her ass. You can take that to the bank, mister.
“Let me ask you something real fast though,” she continued. “What was your success rate like when I was working as your sidekick during the poon hunts? Whenever you and the girl we picked out left together, how often did you get laid?”
I couldn’t understand why she was redirecting the conversation, but I had known her long enough to understand that she had a point that she wanted to make that would lead directly back to what we were talking about somehow. I stalled as I coughed for a second or two before our eyes met. I knew that I could never lie to Chelsea any more than I could lie to Hannah or Haley at this point. I sighed in defeat before giving voice to my answer.
“One Hundred Percent. I always got laid whenever you helped me talk to another girl.”
“Did you ever wonder why that was, Skip? All of those girls were ready to hop straight into bed with you as soon as you walked out of the bar. When you went out hunting without me, what was your success rate then?”
“Zero.”
“Let me tell you a secret,” she said with her lips close to my ear and her voice just barely above a whisper. “You were the best lover that I ever had. I sold your talent to those sluts because I wanted you to get laid. I loved you that much, Skip and I still do. Have you noticed that I don’t date as much as I used to when we first fell apart? I jumped right back on that horse and tried to ride him once we were over. But you ruined me, babe. It has been more than six months now since the last time that I let a guy take me out on a date. It’s been more than a year since I have had a dick release jizz inside of me. If Mr. Right ever does come along, he is going to have to really bring his ‘A’ game because you set the bar pretty fucking high.”
I sat there stunned as Chelsea’s revelation slowly sank in and short circuited my brain. ‘I ruined her for other men? Oh, come on now! She has to be just fucking with my head some more! What has gotten into her all of a sudden? She hasn’t misbehaved and teased me like this in a long, long time!’
“Chelsea, please stop trying to mind-fuck me.”
“I’m not making this up, Skip. I am willing to give us another try if you’re ever unattached again.” She ran her hands through my hair and caressed my face like a long lost lover would. “I know that I was teasing you about the bisexual thing, but that is a deep secret that no one knows about. So please don’t talk to anyone else about it. I recently met this girl that lives in Palestine who is bisexual. She tried to seduce me and I almost went for it. We kissed and made out for about ten minutes before I stopped her. I was still nervous and unsure about it all.
“But that was like three weeks ago and I can’t get her out of my head. She has my number and if she wants to get together again, I’m not going to stop her this time around. Like I said, you and I are the only two people who know about this, so please don’t tell anyone. Not even your new girlfriend. If she and I don’t kill each other, I might eventually share the news with her too. But for now just you and me, okay?”
“Sure thing.” I waged a major battle within myself as I fought down the urge to break out into Karaoke. The lyrics to that one particular Katy Perry song were in my head and fighting to get out. I eventually won that battle, but it was a very close thing.
Chelsea chose that moment to stand up and get out of my lap. A tiny part of me didn’t want to let her go.
“I’m going to go with Ginger to Whataburger at lunchtime. I think that we are both going to have the chicken fingers,” she informed me as she headed for the door. “Can I grab you the usual?”
“No babe,” I responded. “Hannah made me sandwiches for lunch, so I am all good. But I wouldn’t mind a large Strawberry Shake if that is okay.”
“If having a fantastic dinner at your place tonight is only going to cost me a Strawberry Shake, then I consider it a done deal. I’ll come out on top of that trade!”
I was totally amused and shook my head as Chelsea headed out of my office and into the hallway. Once she was gone though, I couldn’t stop myself from whistling the melody for “I Kissed A Girl”.
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
I sat in the break room and ate the lunch that Hannah had made for me during the noon hour. I popped some coins into our vending machine and bought me two A&W Root Beers to wash it down. Our drink machine in the break room had been purchased from a local wholesale club whose department stores are famous (or some people may call them notorious instead) for being the most widely known, nationwide chain. The name of the department store starts with the letter W and the wholesale club has the initials S. C. The vending machine was designed to dispense either 1/2 liter bottles or 20 ounce bottles of whatever beverage that you chose to stock them with.
Stocking the machine was originally a daily chore for Chelsea to perform every day after she shut down the switchboard. Our owner decided that she already had too much on her plate to deal with, so he took that chore away from her and dropped in my lap instead. I was happy to do it because as things were shaping up, it looked likely to me that I was going to have to pick up odd assignments here and there just to stay busy and justify keeping me around.
Chelsea had been stocking it with soft drinks bought from the grocery department of the aforementioned “W” Superstore. The vending prices were set for a simple 10¢ more than the cost of the drinks. A typical six pack of half liter sodas was $4.47 plus tax. Almost exactly 75¢ without the tax. So the machine was set to vend your selection at 85¢. It was pretty much a break even price for the plant because whoever attended to the machine was working on company time. They had to not only purchase the drinks at the store periodically, but they also had to get pocket change from the bank for the soft drink machine to give back to those using the dollar bill reader for payment. The company car or company truck would need to be refueled from time to time so the extra ten cent profit also went to cover the cost of the fuel. I’ll wager that in the end, the company was still going into to hole on the cost of the overhead, but it was good for keeping the employees happy. (2)
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