Consolation Prize

I’d just finished putting a new generator on my ’52 Chevy. It was early August and I was relieved that I’d finished before the temperature got much over 80 degrees. I looked forward to relaxing the rest of the weekend. Then, my sister, Mary called and asked if I could put up some new window blinds and curtains in her apartment. Her husband had to work all day, and after a six-day week, Mary didn’t think he’d get it done on Sunday. John usually worked overtime when he was needed. Time an a half was a Godsend, now that they had a new baby. My nephew, Bobby was barely a month old and Mary hadn’t been at her job long enough to have anything more than the promise of a job, when she was able to return to work.

Mary and I are very close and I’ve always felt that I could tell her anything. She’s also one of the most attractive young women I know. She had eloped with John, because our mother was concerned about the nearly five year difference in their ages. Mary and John had gotten to know each other fairly well, because he is the brother of one of her high school friends. John was a nice guy, but he was definitely not executive material. It would take them a while to get enough money to make a down-payment on a house.

Bobby was sound asleep, so I appreciated the chance to visit with Mary and she was anxious to hear about the technical school I had just registered for. My first year of college hadn’t gone as well as I’d hoped and I saw an opportunity to get into computer programming. This was 1969 and the Vietnam war was a big worry. Unless I stayed in school, I’d lose my student deferrment. It was nice to visit with my only sister, while Bobby slept. As I told Mary about computer programming school, I knew she was happy for me, but also wishing she could be in college too.

It was close to Noon when I finished the last window and Mary invited me to stay for lunch. She remarked that it wasn’t very good wages for two hours of work on a Saturday. I told her that I’d already finished the things I had to do and it was already too hot to work outside. I was glad we finally had some time to talk. Our last visit was in the hospital, the day after Bobby was born.

Bobby woke up and needed to be changed and fed. Mary told me, again, how much she appreciated having a little more privacy in her living room. I sat on the couch and Mary sat next to me. Mary opened her blouse, exposed her breasst and began nursing Bobby. Watching little Bobby suck on my sister’s bare breast reminded me of how our mother would nurse our younger brother. Mom was a firm believer that breast feeding is best. I felt a little uncomfortable at first, seeing my sister’s breast fully exposed. Mary noticed I was looking away and joked, “Hey, if ya ain’t seen one before, ya won’t know what it is. If ya have, it’s no big deal.” Then, I began to appreciate the efficiency of breast feeding. I also understood why she was so anxious to get the blinds and curtains on the windows.

Mary began to expose more than just her breast. She revealed part of her personality that I’d never seen before. I wasn’t sure if she was teasing me or just trying to get my attention off her anatomy and back to our earlier conversation. She jokingly said, “OK Bobby, leave some for your Daddy.” Then she said, “I have to keep reminding John that he can’t be sucking on my nipples, they are just for Bobby now.”

Her next questions were, “So, who’s your main squeeze now?” and “How’s your love life?” I told her I’d just had a first date with Linda, and when we got back to her apartment, she’d invited me in. Mary’s reaction was an ambivalent, “Not sure if that’s good or bad. She must like you or she wouldn’t have invited you in. But, she’s moving pretty fast, if this was just your first date.”

I explained that Linda wanted to introduce me to her roommate. I really didn’t want to admit that I had to go see a movie version of “Hamlet” for my English class and asked Linda if she’d like to go along. I really did like Linda, but I wasn’t sure if I’d ever get a second date. That always seemed to be a problem for me. I was getting shot down after one date, but I wasn’t sure why. I thought, perhaps Mary might have some suggestions.

I related my first dating disaster. I’d taken Nancy out for pizza and we talked and got to know each other a little better. After that, Nancy didn’t seem to want to have anything to do with me. Since Nancy was at the top of the class and was the only child in a high-income family, she could certainly be selective and I didn’t have that much to offer her. After Commencement though, I was shocked when my mother asked if I was gay.

At that point, Mary asked, “Where in H E double toothpicks did that come from?” Out of all the people in the auditorium, our mother just happened to sit next to Nancy’s parents. They had asked Nancy about our date and Nancy told them she thought I was a queer. It was true that I hung out with a group of guys and that none of us had girlfriends.

Mary understood this better than I realised. She told me that part of the problem was that I was extremely shy. She said Nancy and other girls probably got the impression that I was either not interested in them or not that interested in the opposite sex. I told her that dating really hadn’t been a high priority for me, and now I felt as if I was a couple years behind. Then I told her that our dad had warned me, “If you ever get a girl knocked up, I’ll castrate you.” Besides, I have to get to know a girl before I’d be comfortable getting into bed with her.

Mary smiled and said, “He just wanted to be sure that you’d think about the consequences. Just be responsible and use a rubber.” She continued, “I guess if I’d made Jim use one, I wouldn’t have had his baby. He thought he could pull out in time.” That was possibly a little more than I needed to know, but it was a subject that I had never talked to Mary about. I’d assumed she didn’t want to be reminded about the baby she’d given up for adoption two years earlier.

Bobby was now fast asleep and Mary put him back in his crib. She came back and sat next to me again, with her breast still fully exposed. She carefully cleaned the nipple, covered it with a pad and closed her nursing bra. As she buttoned her blouse, she sighed, “It’s hard to believe Jim’s gone.” Jim and another friend of ours died in a recent car accident. Mary was obviously reminded of the baby she gave up for adoption and that baby’s father.

Mary and I continued to talk a while longer. She asked if Mom or Dad had talked to me about sex. I said they’d given me a book to read, which went into a lot moe detail than what I’d learned in Physiology. She told me it sounded like the same book she’d been given to read, adding that Mom and Dad got it when they were newlyweds, and referred to it as their ‘marriage manual’. Mary looked at me and said, “I’d take you into the bedroom and give you a quick Anatomy lesson, except that the baby’s sleeping in there.” I already had one memory of being accused of incest and thought this was probably not a good idea for either of us. I thanked Mary for lunch and for talking with me and headed for home.

As I drove, I thought about the time Dad had burst into Mary’s room. I understandd why it happened. He’d just come out of the bathroom and I wasn’t in my room. Mary’s door was closed and he heard us talking very quietly. Mary said, “I’ll show you mine, if you’ll show me yours.” We were sitting on her bed wrapping Christmas presents. I was holding Mary’s gift, which I’d already wrapped in my room. She was holding my gift, from her. And then, Dad stormed in and grabbed my hair, from behind. My bathrobe, which was all I had on, came open and I was so frightened and startled, I peed on the floor. Mom came up to see what was going on and realized Dad was making a Federal case out of nothing. Six months later, our parents separated and Dad moved to California. Dad never could get a handle on his temper and we all felt more at ease after he moved out.

As I got out of the car, I had a strange feeling between my legs. The images of Mary’s bare breast and recalling fantasies of seeing her naked and having incestuous sex with her had given me quite an erection. Thinking about the Christmas present wrapping incident thoughts about the The phone was ringing as I came into the house. Cindy, a close friend of Mary, my older sister, called to ask if it was OK to come over and visit. She just wanted to get out of her house for a while. Her brother Tom and Mary’s high school boyfriend, Jim, were killed in a car accident about a month before. Cindy was going to walk to our house, which was more than a mile from hers. I offered to drive over and pick her up. She said, she really needed the fresh air and exercise, but she would appreciate a ride home. When Cindy arrived, my mother fixed some cold drinks and we visited a while.

It was getting late and really dark outside by the time we finished visiting. My mother was happy that I’d already volunteered to drive Cindy home. We arrived at her house and she asked if I’d like to come in. Cindy was one of the very few girls I felt at ease talking to. That night, I expected Cindy really needed someone to talk to, and actually, so did I. I called my mother and said I was going to stay a while and talk. Mom said she was going to bed and read. She thanked me for calling and said she’d probably be asleep when I got home.

Cindy and I went to her basement rec room and sat on the couch. She told me she really needed to be close to someone and we hugged each other. Although I’d known Cindy for almost four years, I always figured she saw me as Mary’s younger brother. In high school, most of the girls were more interested in the jocks and I was a late bloomer as far as my interest in the opposite sex. Cindy and I were still just good friends and I never expected we’d get any farther than that.

Now, here I was with Cindy’s arms around me and she was telling me how good it felt to be close. I told her I could stay as long as she wanted. Within minutes, she cupped her hand under her right breast and pulled at the underwire. “This thing is itching, so I’m taking it off.” I expected her to get up, but instead, she turned her back to me and unbuttoned her blouse. “Mind unhitching me?”, she asked nonchalantly. I timidly reached up the back of her blouse and unhooked her bra.