Crushing

I wasn’t very popular in high school. I guess that I was relegated to the nonexistent group because I was shy and not forceful or boisterous. I considered myself more of an observer, but was not intimidated by the popular group. I would do my best to appear dignified, and cool, whenever in the presence of the popular kids. This was something that happened quite a bit, because my best friend from grade school happened to be one of the popular kids. His popularity did not rely on the approval of others quotient. He managed to have friends in all the groups, strata, of high school. He was so cool, that he didn’t mind sitting at the unpopular table at lunch. When he did so, he seemed more unique than ever. So, it was easy for me to come across the cheerleaders, athletes, and really hot girls, even though they looked at me as though I were something blocking their view of a person or object of more importance. Vincent also spotted beauty in the girls that were relegated to second or third tier status. He knew that they would one day be considered attractive. And based on subsequent reunions and sightings, he was right.

Although I really liked my friend, I was very jealous of him. He had so many conquests, and girls wanting to be his conquests, that scoring with the girls was never a problem for him. And although I saw many of these girls, either before or after he bedded them down, he never shared any of them with me. He never got them to get a friend for me. I was above average looking, but that shy persona was a deterrent. When these girls were in Vincent’s sphere, they seemed horny and willing to do anything for him. A shy guy was too slow and not worth their time, I reasoned.

He wasn’t very tall, only about 5’7″, and he had a smallish frame that was very fit. He didn’t have to exercise much to stay in shape. Vincent had dark hair and dark brown eyes that undressed a girl in seconds. He seemed to calculate the girl in different outfits, then naked and waiting, wanting for him. He was a very good dancer. It was something that came very natural to him. Later on, I realized that girls equated dancing skills with bedroom performance. I, of course, did not know how to dance. Vincent had an ear pierced and always wore the latest cologne.

I would look on in wonderment, and hostility, when girls I found to be unreachable to me, would act as if they were the ones obligated to being the pursuers of Vincent. There were voyeuristic snapshots of the “in” girls, acting like they were in heat. These scenes would serve as masturbation material for me. I certainly was living the thought of a sex life through his parade of lovers. These girls knew that they were in line, taking a number, waiting to be chosen, and that others had already gotten there. This fact did not bother any of them.

During senior year in high school, we were both 18, and thinking about college, yet as graduation drew near, there were all sorts of people getting together as couples for the first time. There was certainly passion in the air. We were out at a party one night. I tried to vibe off the energy while I watched girls, that I thought were amazingly hot, intermingle with only “A” list kids. Vincent was floating around at the back of the living room with two girls hovering about him. A girl named Jill, who had spent some time with Vincent, came over and started to talk to me. She was very persistent in her pursuit of Vincent, but on the night she and he finally were alone, she was on her period and was only able to give him a blowjob. Vincent said she was incredible, swallowing him whole while paying such caring attention to his engorged member.

“Eric, what is he doing with those two bitches?” Jill said.

“I don’t know. Want me to ask him.” I said.

Jill was borderline cute. What she lacked in beauty she made up for with an undercurrent of sluttishness. She was also eighteen and was planning on going into cosmetology. She had dirt blond hair and a somewhat elongated face. Her body seemed soft and her breasts were a bit pendulous. Her legs were long and her ass was a bit flat. Vincent had said he had not seen her naked. The blowjob was as far as they got. Even though her body was sensitive that night, she was determined to have and intimate moment with him. I guess her best features were her eyes and her hair. Eyes: very blue and mesmerizing if stared at to long. Hair: a wild tangle that made her look unpredictable. Her voice was throaty and always inviting. She like to flirt, but gave the impression that her horny radar was pointed somewhere else. She was one of the few girls that I talked to in high school.

“I wasn’t coming tonight. Changed my mind at the last minute. I was a little… didn’t feel that great. Tell him I’m here, will you?” She said.

“You don’t think he’s noticed you.”

“Just go… tell him I’m here.” She said, as if saying to tell him she was there and wanted to get fucked.

“He looks busy.” I said. I was teasing her.

“He isn’t as busy as he is going to be.” She said, flashing a quick serving of her blue eyes.

I walked over to Vincent, bumped into a few perfumed bodies and then caught his attention. I pointed my thumb at my shoulder and shifted my eyes for him to look over it. He smiled when he saw Jill.

I liked Jill, and really did not want to call her the least attractive girl I knew he gave his time to, but she was. I was happy for her though. She persevered on an instinctual, biological level.

I watched him as he moved over to her, leaving two open mouthed girls staring at each other. Two girls who knew they had been bested by a girl of lesser beauty. He was talking to Jill, who was playing with his collar.

The 5’4″ Jill was wearing floral colored pants with a white blouse She wore a belt with a large buckle. The shirt was on loosely and covered her butt. Her heeled shoes were pink.

They were about to leave when she whispered something in his ear. He paused for a second then nodded his head. He motioned for me to leave with them. There was only one thing to really keep me at the party and that was always a masochistic proposition. This girl I desired for a couple of years now, my crush, was there, but with her boyfriend. She always spent her time at the parties surrounded by her friends, while her boyfriend was off trying to out-drink every other guy at the party. I started to head towards Vincent and Jill as the music grew even louder. I glanced back at Olivia, and figured I had had enough crushing for one night. I needed a break.

“Where we going?” I asked.

“Don’t ask so many questions.” Jill said. She was drinking out of a plastic cup. She seemed very happy now.

Vincent was quiet, as if he was preparing himself for an upcoming performance: the act of sex with a very horny girl. No matter how attractive the girl, he had his reputation to think about. If there were ever an unsatisfied lover, it could certainly affect his future with the girls.

We got into his car. He was driving his mother’s four-door luxury ride that had plenty of room for the three of us. I sat in the back seat and watched as Jill drank from her cup and chewed her gum very deliberately. She smelled very nice and that moment, she was one of the hottest girls in school. My thoughts were certainly partially clouded. In the back of my mind I knew that she was certainly one of the horniest, but not anywhere close to the hottest. Vincent drove to our school and parked behind the baseball field. There were a couple of cars parked by the softball field, but none by us.

“Here.” Vincent said. He handed me two beers he had brought from the party. “Take a walk for a few.” He said.

I was about to say something about having been made to come along, when Jill turned around. She was smiling so brilliantly, I was once again happy for her.

“Don’t go to far.” She said.

“Sure.” I said.

“Go man, go.” Vincent said.

As I started to walk in the direction of the school, I glanced back at them, and saw Vincent swoop in over Jill. He wasted no time. I passed by the cars near the softball field. I heard voices and saw the windows all fogged up. There was a bus stop with a bench in front of the school. I opened my beer and put it behind the bench. I didn’t want anyone to see me drinking. I sat there with a hard on growing, thinking of Jill’s sexy demeanor. I admired her prowess at getting what she wanted.

“Got a light?” A voice surprised me.

“No. Sorry. Don’t Smoke.”

“It’s… waiting for the bus?” The man said.

He was tall and skinny and was wearing tattered clothes.

“No. Waiting for my friend to finish fucking this girl.” I pointed my head in the direction of the baseball field.

“Why ain’t you in on it?”

“He… she wanted him.”

“Is it his girlfriend?”

“No. Just some girl that is… always horny.”

“Man. Don’t get all sensitive cause he’s getting some and you ain’t. Go back there when they done and act like you next. Girls like that. Certain nights, they want to be used like that.”

I kept looking back at the car. The man was not waiting for the bus either. I offered him the unopened can of beer, and listened to him talk about some of his conquests. He was certainly inspiring me to go back to Jill and look at her like I was indeed next.

“Trust me. They get done fucking, if she’s a real hoe, she’ll put out for you too.” He said.

I laughed and agreed with him. I didn’t think of her as a hoe, but maybe that was my mistake. I should have assumed I could have her. I felt that not having enough, or any swagger, was a hindrance. I needed to act as though I were entitled to it all.

After about 20 minutes, the headlights of the car flashed.

“See? It’s your turn.”

“Maybe.” I said.

“No maybe about it.”

I said goodbye to the man and thanked him for his coaching. I walked over to Vincent and Jill confidently, as if indeed she was there for me. But with every closing step, I was losing my bravado. By the time I got to them, I was ready to slump into the back seat and think about going home and masturbating to what I imagined Vincent had done to her, but Vincent opened his door and stepped out with two cans of beer for himself. He was smiling.