“I remember that night too.” Shaun said, “You know your dad had my dad tell me to ask you out, right? It was certainly the first time when I felt I had all eyes on me all the times. The teachers an chaperones were watching me to make sure I didn’t go too far. While the students, well, the guys want to be sure I wasn’t eyeing up their girl and the girls, well let’s just say a few of them were looking to steal me away from you.”
“As if!” Ericka answered, “and tell me, how would you know that?”
“Well there was one time when you left to go to the bathroom and you left me on my own. I intended to sip some punch and listen to the band, but as I filled a cup from the punch bowl one of the senior girls came up to me and said told me to follow her to get some booze. I was 19, she had a nice ass and I liked booze so I followed her. Thought maybe I’d get her number. Well, we go over to the side and asked what I was doing there with you. I told her it was a first date and that I was a freshman at Boston College. And I swear she said to me, ‘I may still be only a senior in High school, but I’m 18 and I can do what she can’t’ and she put her hand on my pants and started rubbing my cock.”
Ericka gasped. “I had no idea. How long was I in the bathroom?”
“I don’t know maybe 10 minutes? Maybe less. It happened pretty quick. The next thing I knew she unzipped my fly and was squatting in front of me with my cock in her mouth.”
“No fucking way!”
“Yeah, we were off to the side and I was 19. I came down her throat in like 90 seconds.”
“None of the teachers stopped you?”
“We were mostly in a dark place and my back was to everyone. I don’t know if anyone noticed us or not, but it was pretty quick. Once I came she stood up and asked if I wanted to leave with her and go get high.”
“Well I know you didn’t do that, you took me home. Did you meet her afterwards?”
“No, after she asked me that I just pictured fucking her, getting her pregnant, dropping out of school and being stuck with a skank who would give a guy a blowjob before knowing three things about them. So I wanted to see if I was right and I put my hands on the sides of her strapless dress, she didn’t object as I slipped it down pulling it to her waist freeing her tits but she didn’t really have any hips so it just fell to the floor at her feet. I got a good feel of her tits. I played with them and in a very quiet voice told her, ‘Look, I can obviously get a cheap slut to give me a blowjob whenever I want, but my Ericka is a special girl and I’m going to take her home and treat her right tonight.’ Then I turned and left her there, standing in her pantyhose with her dress at her ankles. Then I went back to the punch bowl and a minute later you came out. You know the rest of the night. I never did get that drink she offered.” Shaun called over the waitress and ordered another round.
“I’m a bit surprised. You could have told her your dad would kill you if you didn’t take me home and arranged to meet her afterwards and fucked her. If the situation was reversed I would have.”
“I wasn’t like that. I’m still not like that.” Shaun paused. “I was, and still am, a virgin you know.”
“Fuck, no way.” Ericka did not expect to hear that.
“Yeah, I decided back in high school that I was going to start being faithful to my future wife before I met her. And besides this way if sex with her sucked, I wouldn’t know any better.”
“So you never?”
“Never” He took a sip, “Well obviously I’ve done some things. I told you about that quick blow job at your dance, and there have been a few others blowjobs, one tittle fuck, but Tatiana and I, well we’ve been saving ourselves. A couple of good catholic kids. We hold hands, we kiss. Then I go home.”
“Fuck.” Erica was speechless for a moment and shook her head, “You know I’m not a virgin. Shit, I wasn’t a virgin when you took me to that dance.”
“Hey, you be you. No judgment here. But I’m old school that way.”
“Is that why Tatiana said no?”
“She didn’t say no. She said yes, but with one condition. I give up being a cop.”
“Shit! That’s the same thing as saying no. Isn’t it?”
“I’m not sure it is. It’s not that easy. I love her and I get her point of view. Her family came here in the early 80’s and only became legal with the Regan amnesty. Since then more of their family have come and they aren’t all legal. Imagine being a cop with family who are breaking the law just coming over for dinner. How is that going to work?”
“You’re not ICE, you aren’t going to deport them.”
“Of course not. But the police and their community aren’t on the best of terms. For them, when some guy threatens your daughter you don’t call a cop you call your buddies and they put the fear of God into them. We cops call them gangs, but they start out as friends and families trying to protect each other. They typically turn to criminal behavior only after a while to make sure everyone has enough money to eat and pay rent. Once it starts down that path then it gets bad – and usually pretty quickly. But the honest truth is her family doesn’t feel safe around a cop and while I’m fine with her immediate family, but I don’t really feel safe in her neighborhood- especially when I’m in uniform. Hell the city would be a better place if they were able to trust us and we weren’t so fucking scared of them.”
It was time for another round.
Ericka listened to her cousin speak, “You know it’s not like I don’t know that there has been, there continues to be abuse. But people like to say there are good cops and bad cops, but fuck it. Cops are people and there are good cops who have bad moments. Or blind spots. A cop finds out his wife is cheating on him and takes it out on a driver he pulls over that looks like her lover. It’s wrong. But it’s human. What the fuck do we do? And where do we draw the fucking line? And how the fuck can I be sure I don’t come close to crossing it?” Shaun was fighting back tears. Ericka put her hand over his. He looked at her, “You sure you want this life? Maybe not getting in the academy is a blessing.”
Ericka ignored that last question and answered, “I believe in you cuz. I believe in you. And for things to get better BPD needs you on it. You need to talk to Tatiana and tell her what you told me and if she loves you she’ll believe in you too. And it may be hard, but the two of you maybe the bridge her community needs. Or at least a piece of it.”
It was nearing 10pm, the waitress came by and asked if they wanted anything else and if they could close out their check so she could go home. They ordered 2 more rounds and Shaun gave her a credit card.
Ericka asked Shaun, “So? Are you going to talk to Tatiana?”
Shaun picked up his phone. He typed the words, “Can we talk?” He didn’t press send. “Why did she ask me to quit? Why does she get to even ask that?”
“She gets to asks because you love her and want to marry her so there are no secrets and she can ask or tell you anything. She does ask because she loves you and maybe she’s afraid too. Hard questions should be a conversation starter, not a conversation ender.”
Shaun deleted his un-sent message and retyped. He couldn’t find the words.
“Look, if you two got married you would at some point face some tough situations and you’d face them together. This is no different.”
Shaun looked at his phone. At the little circle with is beautiful Tatiana’s face and an untyped line of text. “Anyone ever tell you that you get deep as fuck when you’re drunk?”
“No, that’s a new one, usually when I get drunk guys say things like ‘No, I don’t think your tits are too small’ or ‘Want to go back to my place?’ Or the classic, ‘Wanna fuck?'”
“Well I don’t think your tits are too small, but I like Tatiana’s better. And I don’t want to fuck.”
“Well I would certainly hope not. Gotta save yourself. But you have to talk with her.”
“I know. But it’s hard.”
“Of course it is, life is hard. Marriage is hard. But Tatiana is worth it, yes?”
Shaun looked at the phone in his hand and typed, “Babe, I’m sorry. Can we talk?” He showed Ericka who nodded and he hit send. A moment later he saw three dots. They sat in silence a moment before the waitress returned with the drinks and his card. Shaun signed it with a nice tip before he looked at his phone. Tatiana had replied. Shaun read it the read it to Ericka, “yes please come over.”
“Sit! You got to go. But hey, remember this cuz. You’ve had a day and she has had a day. You head isn’t in the same place it was last night and hers might not be in the same place it was last night. Listen to her and talk with her. Go get your girl back.”
“Are you going to be okay?”
“‘Forsaking all others’ remember. Go forsake me. I’ll be okay after I get a bit more drunk. I’ll catch an Uber later.”
Shaun gave her a kiss on the forehead and left, leaving Ericka alone at their table with the last order of drinks and her thoughts. Now that she was alone and not talking she started drinking faster. Alone with her thoughts she was thinking about missing the cut. Of course it started with the test. She was hungover when she took it, she tried to think about which questions she might have gotten wrong. Her thoughts were spinning in a cycle like water going down a drain. She kept thinking about other times she’s come up short. It seemed to her that she would never be quite good enough. She finished one of the beers before her and started on the second. Staring at her drink she wondered if that what was going to become of her life? Slowly becoming tepid and dull. She saw a bubble raise to the top and pop and thought that’s what this day was another bubble that just slowly ended with out a sound. She didn’t notice that someone had approached her until his shadow passed over the table. She looked up at the man who was standing next to her table.
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