Her vulnerability catches me off guard. When she tugs my hand and motions for me to follow I have to go with her. Her front door and the staircase feel both foreign and familiar, and once we’re seated I try not to think about the last time I was here.
I don’t realise my teeth are chattering until she tugs gently at my soaking jacket.
“You’re freezing. Let’s warm you up.”
“If this is just an excuse to take my clothes off-”
She rolls her eyes. “Or maybe I just want to talk to you, and I want you to be comfortable?”
She’s only satisfied once the fire is lit and I’m wrapped in a thick blanket. I’ve changed into a long-sleeved, soft shirt that smells like her and it’s taking all of my willpower not to inhale when she sets a steaming mug of tea in front of me.
She has changed too but she’s still shivering, so I open the blanket and make space for her next to me. I expect her to resist, but she comes so willingly it makes my heart ache.
We sit side by side, stiff at first, trying to navigate this new territory. She still feels cold, so eventually I gently steer us until she’s lying down and I wrap myself around her, tucking the blanket over us and resting my head on her shoulder.
She breathes a little contented sigh, and if I wasn’t so worried, I’d be angry with her about how easy and perfect this is. I want to shake her, demand answers, ask her why we couldn’t have just done this before?
Her heart is pounding under my hand. “I know I said I wanted to talk, but, now that you’re here, it’s so much harder…” I’m used to her leading, and her uncertainty pains me.
I move closer, pressing my face into her neck. We both stiffen at the contact, and I try to ignore the warmth that pulses under my skin. “It’s ok, take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”
She gives a dry little sob, and I’d take all the pain of the last year again so she didn’t have to hurt. “I know you aren’t, Mia. Somehow you’re still here, after I broke us both just because I was scared. I don’t deserve you.”
“You do. You deserve to be happy, and so do I. But I can only try if I know you won’t run again.”
She turns to face me, our lips just inches apart and her fingers softly brushing the hair away from my cheek. “Never. Never again. But I also don’t want to rush this. I want to take it slow and give us both the relationship we deserve.”
I barely get the chance to agree before she closes the gap between our lips and kisses me softly and sweetly. I expect her to stop me when I pull her closer, deepening the kiss, but she matches my need, devouring my lips hungrily until we’re both gasping for breath.
She rests her forehead against mine. “You aren’t going to feel rejected if I stop things from going too far, are you?”
“Maybe before, but not now.”
A few soft and lazy kisses later she pulls away again, her eyes soft and proud. “You decided to go to therapy, didn’t you? I’m assuming you decided to stick with him?”
I nod, basking in her approval. “So… I know he wouldn’t tell you anything even if you asked. How did you know I was flourishing?”
Her mouth twists into a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. “I was never really gone, I just knew you’d stay away because I’d told you to. You couldn’t bear to disobey, however much it hurt you. I switched classes to a different day, but I’d find excuses to walk by the studio just before class would be starting or ending. I couldn’t cut myself off from you completely.”
“But I wasn’t okay… I just had to find a way to carry on. When I wasn’t coping…”
She presses a finger to my lips. “I know. I saw. I can’t forget. And I promise I will never hurt you like that again.”
—————————————————————————————————
The first few weeks after our reunion are a mix of bliss and anxiety. To her credit, Natasha is so sweet, patient and attentive that I eventually realise that this time really is different. She has no intention of pulling away from me again.
We take things slow, as we both agreed, although this proves to be far easier said than done. We try to date more traditionally to begin with, but neither of us are traditional women. Our dates begin to reflect our inner desires, which adds another layer of torture to taking things slow.
One night we attend a burlesque show that I’ve waited months to see. A dancer, curvy and sensual, seems to have all of Natasha’s attention.
I nudge her with my elbow. “You arrived with me, remember? Am I going to end up leaving by myself?”
She chuckles and the look in her eyes is… devilish. “I was just thinking that you could definitely do better. In private. For me.”
She rests her fingers against my cheek, feeling the blush spreading under my skin. We’ve faced plenty of temptation before now, from physically having to pry ourselves apart after getting too heated during a movie… Or saying goodbye… Or basically any time we’re alone together.
However, the only mention of anything more was when we both agreed that it was completely off the table until we were both ready. I have been for a while now, but I know Natasha is healing and learning to trust herself again. That felt worth waiting for, even if I am falling asleep every night thinking about all the different ways I wish she’d torture me.
Realising she might take my silence for reluctance, I dip my eyes in an obvious act of submission. “Ma’am only has to ask. You know I’ll do anything to please you.”
Her fingers are still on my cheek, and she’s so quiet I’m scared I’ve pushed too hard. When she dips her fingers under my chin and forces me to look at her, her eyes are dark and hungry, and my body burns with hot desire and relief.
“Are you sure you’re ready, Mia? You’re not rushing because you want to make me happy?”
“Yes. Pleeeease.” I didn’t mean for it to come out so whiny, but from the way she smirks, and how her fingers tighten around my chin, it was probably the right response. “I mean, yes. I’m ready. I have been for a little while, but I didn’t mind waiting until you were. So yes, please, let’s talk about it.”
Her smile is dazzling, and her fingers brush against my lips after she releases my chin. “Ok, but not now. After class on Friday.”
“Can I at least sit on your lap?”
She pretends to think about it, like I haven’t crept up there to snuggle with her fifty times before now. “I guess… you were distracting me anyway, so a little more can’t hurt.”
I slip out of my seat and onto her lap. “I was distracting you? You mean you were ogling the dancers and I called you out on it.”
Her arms snake around my waist and pull me closer. Her breath is hot against my skin as she presses a few soft kisses against my neck, working her way up to behind my ear. I can’t stop myself from grinding into her lap when she nips my earlobe gently.
“I told you I was picturing you up there. All of these girls are boring. I’d much rather watch you. Now, pay attention to your show.” The shift in our dynamic is palpable and delicious.
I try to watch the rest of the show, but I’m far too distracted. One of her hands, innocently placed around my waist, finds its way to my thigh. Scarlet nails rake up my bare skin, and soft fingers smooth their way back down. She laces the fingers of her other hand with mine, but soon they’re tracing teasing patterns on the back of my hand and down to my palm.
Every now and again her lips brush against my neck, or her tongue teases my ear. I can’t keep still, and by the end of the show I’m a sweaty, wriggly mess and dying to escape her lap. We have four long nights until there’s even a chance she might actually touch me; but that also means I have four more nights where I can touch myself whilst I fantasise about all the different ways she might take me apart.
As the lights come up, she tightens her grip around me, pinning me to her lap. She sucks my earlobe gently, then laughs as I melt into her. “You know why I love these little dresses of yours, Mia?”
“Because you think I’m cute, and my ass looks amazing?”
“Of course. But also because they’re flimsy. Whenever you wear cotton you soak right through it, and I can feel what a needy little mess you are.”
I try to turn around to see if she’s serious, but she holds me in place, sucking and biting my neck. “You’re exaggerating, it’s not that bad.”
I feel her smiling against my skin. “Would I lie to you? You’re always too distracted to notice. Why don’t you see for yourself?”
The room has almost emptied, so there’s no one around to see me slip my hand between my thighs. Sure enough, a huge wet patch has soaked through my underwear onto my dress. I’ve barely got my hand free before she’s grabbed my wrist and raised it to her mouth so she can suck my fingers clean. My brain short-circuits at the feeling of her hot, wet mouth against my skin.
When she’s released my fingers, she purrs contentedly against my ear. “See? And what a delicious mess you are. I don’t think it would be too unreasonable to ask you not to touch yourself until Friday? I want you to be so needy you beg for it. Don’t think about trying to cheat though, Mia, I always know. You’ve been far too satisfied on our dates recently.”
Always two steps ahead of me. I love her; I love her so much. But I can’t tell her, because I’m still afraid she’ll run. So, I turn around and kiss her instead, biting her lip and grinding hard on her thighs, until I can feel her trembling with need. “So, Friday then?” My tone is innocent, although it takes every fibre of my being to pull away from her.
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