I was overwhelmed. Finally, we had a clue. True, these numbers didn’t mean much to me, but we had finally gotten onto the right path.
“Ok, so we know that the neutrinos are interacting with something, but what?” Lorraine asked.
“We call them temerons, we believe them to be a kind of tachyon,” said Dr. Itami.
“You don’t sound very sure,” I said.
“You must understand,” said Nagisa, “this is the deepest level of fringe science.”
“Oh, I loved that show!” Lorraine squealed.
Moving on…
“So what are they? What exactly do they do?”
“Tachyons are subatomic particles, like neutrinos, that move faster than light, and we believe, possibly through time. Temerons, on the other hand, we believe move through dimensions.”
“Dimensions? You’re talking about the multiverse theory.”
“Correct. According to the multiverse theory, there are infinite universes in which every possible occurrence has or will transpire, which also means there are infinite universes that could follow completely different laws of physics. We believe that temerons move randomly through dimensions, bringing with them different physical properties. These can manifest in black holes, wormholes, and quantum fluctuations, events that completely defy the laws of physics.”
“Haven’t you considered that maybe they do follow the laws of physics, but we simply don’t understand the laws of physics well enough?” I asked.
“That’s why it’s currently just fringe science, beyond dark matter and even mirror matter. Temerons are essentially increments of randomness, making them impossible to predict. They pass through dimensions. bringing about upsets in the natural order. We believe that we are witnessing a mass migration of temerons into our section of space, manifesting in the appearance of hybrids. They bring with them aspects of different universes, such as different evolutionary paths, alternate realities, or splicing together life forms from separate universes. It may even be possible that life came to be because of temerons reaching Earth.”
“And what does that have to do with us?” I asked.
“Our sensors cannot detect neutrinos, only the energy released upon neutrino reactions. What we’ve been sensing this past year is temerons passing through our space and colliding with neutrinos in the tank. The results we got just now with you two were due to neutrinos passing through your bodies but colliding with temerons. We believe that rather than being changed by the temerons and turned into hybrids, you both contain a vast amount of temerons inside you, and those temerons can be directed out from your bodies and into other life forms, causing the transformation into hybrids.”
“This is why none of our tests picked up anything,” said Dr. Lawrence. “Because the only way for us to detect what was going on was to use the second hardest thing to detect.”
I sat back in my chair, my mind going a mile a minute. On one hand, it was an indescribable relief to finally have an answer, even if it was just theoretical. On the other hand, this was a pretty ridiculous explanation. Subatomic particles that move through dimensions causing randomness? But come on, I’m turning pets into sexy animal-eared girls, what other kind of explanation could I have possibly gotten?
“So is there any way to stop this?” I asked.
“Stop it, are you kidding? It would be easier to stop a supernova. Temerons are moving through our space in this universe at an increasing rate. For all we know, it could all stop tomorrow, or this stream could continue on until our universe destroys itself. My guess is that this isn’t going away. We’ve entered the new age of human civilization, and it’s just going to get weirder from here.”
“But what about me? Is there a way to stop this from happening to animals and people around me?”
“There is no scientific basis for me to give any kind of answer. I can’t even explain why you’re full of temerons without experiencing any repercussions or transformations. My guess? Your body is going to keep producing hybrids forever, even after you die.”
—————————————-
“Oh, this… is… bliss,” Lorraine said. She and I were sitting in an indoor pool at the Wariishi Onsen near Higu. Behind us were the windows to the forest outside. This hot spring was coed, so there were both men and women with us. Actually, it was mostly men, and the women weren’t exactly lookers, but that was no surprise. “After all that flying, this heat is exactly what I needed.” She turned to me when I didn’t respond. “Are you ok?”
“Yeah, this water really is great. I just thought… that when I finally got an answer, it would change things. Is anything different now? If I end up turning another animal by accident, I’ll still be where I was when I turned Betty and Elise. What am I supposed to do now?”
“Just figure it out as you go. That’s the only thing we can really do. If something happens, deal with it then, but unless you know what it is or when it’ll occur, there’s no point in worrying about it now. We’ll go home, you’ll crawl into bed with your girls, I’ll crawl into bed with my boys, and we’ll wake up and make a plan for that day, and we’ll just keep doing that and that’s just fine.”
“Every once in a while, you do manage to spit out a pearl of wisdom.”
“Motherfucker, that’s what makes me so endearing.”
—————————————-
It was another nonstop nightmare getting back home, two of our flights getting canceled and one getting delayed twice. It was a relief when we finally stepped foot in Maine, and just like before, we had driven Lorraine’s car so she was stuck with the parking bill! Ha!
We made the drive back to the farm, with the cows in the field mooing as we pulled up the driveway. Like my cabin, the Baxter home had been extensively remodeled, now more than twice its original size. We got out of the car, but for some reason, only the pillar men greeted us.
“Tobi, where are the girls?” I asked.
“They’re inside with Elise,” he replied without pulling away from the group hug with Lorraine.
I went inside, finding both Elise and Betty sitting at the kitchen table. Betty looked miserable, like she was suffering from a hangover.
“Hey, we’re back,” I said. “Were the girls good while I was gone?”
Elise looked up at me, a very tense expression on her face. “Take a seat.”
I sat down next to her. “What’s going on?” Icy fingers closed around my heart. “Is everyone ok?”
“It started this morning. Betty and I… are on our periods.”
As a man, my natural reaction was of course disgust, but once I had a second to process, my jaw dropped. “Are you sure?”
“I’m a woman, so yeah, I know what I’m talking about! Just look at Betty! She’s suffering from some wicked cramps!”
“Ugh,” Betty groaned, “how the fuck do humans deal with this shit? Master, I’m begging you, turn me back into a cow. I can’t take this.”
“But if you two have periods, then that means you ovulate, which means… you can get pregnant.”
“Yeah, about that. Girls! You can come down now!”
I looked to the stairs and saw Momo, Sonja, Chloe, Leah, and Jenny. Instead of rushing to hug me, they all held up positive pregnancy tests.
“Master, what does this mean?” Momo asked.
“Apparently they run on an earlier cycle than Betty and I.”
Outside, all the cows raised their heads and perked their ears, certain they had just heard a shrill scream.
—————————————-
“Doc, something happened… something big,” I said, lying on the floor in Elise’s bathroom, ironically, in the fetal position.
“What do you mean?”
“Doc, can you please tell me what the symptoms are for a heart attack? Because I’m having one. I might also be having a stroke. Help me, Doc, I think I’m dying!”
“Whoa! Whoa! Slow down! Start from the beginning! What’s going on?”
“They’re pregnant, Doc, they’re goddamn pregnant! Momo, Sonja, Chloe, Leah, and Jenny, I knocked them up!
“Wait, are you serious? Tell me you’re serious!”
“Yes, I’m fucking serious! They’re pregnant, Elise and Betty are menstruating, and I think I might be pissing my pants! Most of my body is going numb right now!”
“Slow down, take a deep breath!”
“Five! Five kids! And that’s the best-case scenario! I sure hope you were telling the truth about the CDC supporting us, because I don’t think I have the qualifications for any job that would let me feed ten people!”
“Yes, of course we’ll keep supporting you! This is monumental, this has redefined the future of human evolution!”
“Fuck human evolution! I’m not ready to be a dad!”
“Of course you are. You’ve done a fantastic job taking care of those girls. You’ve been practicing parenthood for the past year, you can do this. Listen, I have to pass this on to my superiors. Right now, you need to be with your girls. Just relax, you won’t be alone in this.”
I hung up the phone and slowly got up. I felt like I was going to puke, but I built up my courage and opened the bathroom door, to find all of the girls waiting for me.
“Master, are you mad at us?” Sonja asked.
I took a deep breath. “No, of course I’m not mad at you. This is just… a huge shock.”
“What is?” Chloe asked. “Elise won’t tell us what’s going on.”
“Let’s all sit down and I’ll explain it.”
We all gathered around the kitchen table, me facing the girls. I tried to pick the words I was going to say, but it felt like there was a wool sock stuck in my throat. “Girls, the five of you are pregnant.”
Lorraine’s mouth hung open, but the girls looked at me in confusion.
“What does that mean?” Chloe asked.
“It means that you are each going to give birth to a baby. Right now, you each have a baby growing inside you, and in nine months—I’m guessing, I don’t know in your cases—you’re going to push those babies out. That is the true purpose of playing, it is so that animals can reproduce. Until now, I was sure that you girls couldn’t get pregnant, but it seems that’s changed.”
Momo leaned forward. “Momo is going to have a cub?” she asked with wide eyes.
“Actually, in your case, they’re called kittens, well, kitten hybrids” said Lorraine.
“But I’ve never had a baby before!” Chloe squealed fearfully.
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