***
“What time do you leave tomorrow morning?”
“Ten. I’ll have to leave for the airport early.”
“We won’t even have time for a quickie,” said Sue regretfully. “So tonight’s the night. I want to do it all.”
“You mean — you want me to hurt you?”
“Would it turn you on?”
“But it would be wrong to—”
“Would it, or would it not, turn you on?”
Phil admitted defeat. “It would. I mean, of course part of me wants to go wild, wants to lash out. But what if I really hurt you?”
“We can still have limits. I think we can agree that anything that puts me in hospital — anything that would need any medical attention at all — is out.”
“Of course. In fact, I don’t want to draw blood in any way. You shouldn’t feel pain for more than fifteen minutes after you leave.”
Sue thought of her father, who used to leave her sore for hours. “Fifteen minutes? That’s nothing.”
“Okay. Now is there any part of the body you want to leave alone?”
“Maybe don’t pull my hair. And don’t tickle me. I think that’s it. Oh, and no choking.”
Phil looked taken aback. “I could hurt you…pretty much anywhere? Your mouth? Eyes? Ass? Vagina?”
“No medical attention about covers it. Oh, I guess no candle wax, or clothespins.”
He swallowed. “How do you want me to hurt you?”
“We’ll go to the sex shop and get something. But in the end, I want you to do whatever turns you on. If it makes you horny, it makes me horny.”
“That sounds good—”
“But there’s one more thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Rape.”
The word sank into Phil’s heart like a dagger.
“Rape is a crime.”
“Not a real rape, silly. I’d never say no to you. This is a fantasy rape. A pretend rape.”
“If you’re not saying no, it’s not rape.”
“But I want it to be as violent as a real rape.”
“Women get killed in real rapes.”
“Okay, maybe not that violent. But like what we did last night, except in my cunt—”
“It’s still a crime. I won’t do it.”
Sue’s eyes narrowed. “Have you ever been raped?”
He looked shocked. “No.”
“Do you know anyone who has?”
“No.”
“Yes, you do.”
It took a while for Phil to realize what she meant. His eyes widened in horror.
***
1983 it was. Spring. Sue awoke in an unfamiliar bed.
Where was she?
Cold hard metal bars on the side. Beeping sounds. Blue walls. She tried to sit up, and felt a stabbing pain go through her vagina. She felt groggy, confused, uncertain.
“Shh. Stay down,” said a young male voice. It was a smooth voice, authoritative but friendly, calm but firm. “You’ve been through quite a bit.”
“Who are you? Where am I?”
“My name is Keith. You’re in hospital.”
“Why…why…” Sue couldn’t get any further words out.
“They said I had to wait here until the police arrived to take a statement,” said Keith.
Sue struggled to focus her eyes. Why was this so hard?
“I guess I have to tell you. My buddies and I found you behind a dumpster on campus. There was this guy—”
Fuck. Fuck.
She was beginning to remember. She’d seen the other guy at the party. A tall, powerful build, confident smile, neatly brushed hair, an air of total confidence. She’d told herself then and there that she would suck that cock. Tonight.
She was proud of the collection of cocks she’d sucked. She knew what her parents would think, and she didn’t care. If anything, that made the cum taste all the sweeter. Sue didn’t need her parents anymore. She had a scholarship.
The guy had offered her a beer on the way out, a different brand from what everyone had been drinking…
“We were able to get him off you,” Keith said. “He was…he was…”
“What?” Sue tried to shout, but couldn’t.
“He had these rocks. He was putting rocks in your…in your…”
Pain and humiliation went through her. She’d thought herself free once she left home, free of her father’s cruelty, of her mother’s indifference. But no matter what road you are on, there is always one worse.
Rocks. What the actual fuck? She had been fully prepared to suck his cock. Why could that not be enough?
“I’m sorry we couldn’t get you here right away,” Keith said. “We beat the guy up, then I called 911. We had to argue with the ambulance to take you, they thought we had called about the guy. I wouldn’t let them put you in the same ambulance as him unless they let me come with you.”
“Th…thank you,” she mumbled. She felt a surge of gratitude for Keith. She couldn’t really see what he looked like, but his voice was so soothing and kind, it was the only thing that made her feel better.
***
Phil could not make sense of this. “If you were really raped, why would you want—”
“Because fantasy rape isn’t the same thing at all as real rape,” Sue said impatiently. “It’s really plain old rough sex. It’s just a lot more erotic to call it rape.”
“But if you had it in real life, I still don’t see why—”
“I don’t see why either,” Sue admitted. “But I do know that I want it. I think you’re still holding back with me, trying not to go too far. It makes me want you all that much more. I want to completely give myself to you. To let you have all you desire.”
They had reached the subway station entrance for Phil to head back midtown.
“Tonight’s our last night,” said Sue. “Don’t think about me — think about yourself. I know part of you is curious about rape. Take this chance while you still have it.”
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