“My lord,” I said, bowing, “I am Governess Adrianna Alkandra. This is Populations Director Brianna Dedaclia. We are honored to have you as a guest.”
Prince Mathew executed a practiced bow in return, and answered, “Governess Adrianna, Director Dedaclia; the honor is mine.” He stood up straight, and smiled with a mouth full of perfect teeth, “My god, you two are a vision. I thought I’d landed on an island of sirens when I first stepped off the ship.”
“Thanks bro.” Brianna giggled in the sluttiest way imaginable.
Prince Mathew blinked. “Did you just call me, ‘bro?’”
I took his arm and scowled at the smirking Brianna. “We like to keep things a little informal in Alkandra.”
I guided Prince Mathew through the main boulevard, showing off the architecture and artistry of the urban strip.
“My father always said he’d love to demolish Ardeni and start over,” Prince Mathew said as we stopped at the bridge over the Knife River. “Every king before him had to add their own flair to the city, and since we’ve had hundreds of kings, the city is a disaster. I wish I could add my flair to the beautiful disaster, but alas, I was born second.”
“Alexa will be Alkandra’s chief architect for centuries.” I said, “The city will grow by her vision alone.”
“And I’m sure it will be magnificent.” Prince Mathew said, critically eyeing a large building that would become Alkandra’s university once we established an education system. “So,” he said, “you two used to be men.”
“But I’m still just a boy at heart.” Brianna snickered, resting on the railing beside him in such a way that her breasts floated from her robe.
Prince Mathew ignored her, instead looking at me. “When we got the message from Zander that Thomas Adarian had become governess of Alkandra, we were… curious as to what that meant.”
“Not what you expected?” I asked, giving him a nice side angle of my cleavage.
“A pleasant surprise, to be sure.” Prince Mathew smiled, not even glancing down.
“Why are you here, Prince Mathew?”
“To establish an embassy in Alkandra, and begin constructing a mirror relay so that our sovereigns can speak face to face.” He pointed to a tall hill that overlooked the bay, “The first mirror should go there. I surveyed other high points along the coast that we can use. Our crews will build halfway there, and yours will build the other half.”
“Actually, your crews will build the entire thing.” I said, “We won’t be devoting any resources to Ardeni projects.”
“It’s a joint project.”
“And how does it benefit us?” I asked, leaning on the railing, “Will your king try to lure our queen into another predatory trade deal? Or will he perhaps request to use her sovereign highways without penalty to trade with the Bearded Peaks?”
“Statecraft is a fine game, and you’re being very blunt.”
“We only speak bluntly, Prince Mathew.” I smiled sweetly, “We might look pretty, but we’re beasts, and beasts aren’t prone to subtlety.”
Prince Mathew sighed, “Is the tour over already, governess? Time to get to brass-tax and all that?”
“We can continue the tour if your like.” I indicated my head toward the sprawling city that hugged the river for miles, “That is the real Alkandra.”
Prince Mathew regarded it with a sneer. “No, Ardeni has enough slums of its own. I don’t need to see yours.”
“What about the stadium?” Brianna asked.
“The stadium?” Prince Mathew’s interest was obviously piqued, “You have an arena?”
“The largest in the world.”
“Bigger than The Pit in Drastin?”
“Almost twice as big.”
“I am… intrigued.”
We made our way through the shanty town, and contrary to Prince Mathew’s dismissal, it was nothing like the destitute slums of Ardeni. There were narcotic shops between bakeries and butchers, sex clubs between clothing stores and blacksmiths, and bars between textiles and pottery shops. Tattoo parlors were next to daycares, bare-knuckle boxing rings were next to medical kiosks, warg fighting rings were next to puppy mills, theatres were next to strip clubs, and schools were next to combat training studios. Prostitutes advertised their bodies within birdcages that hung from poles, freakshow actors performed stunts in the streets, tribal dancers showed off their moves and percussion musicians blasted their tomes from every corner. There weren’t just orcs either. Goblins, centaurs, ogres, beastkin, succubi, incubi, kitsunes, and fauns all walked the streets, most of them as wild as the forest they’d come from. Brawls flooded out of taverns, people fucked in the middle of the road, drunks and druggies expelled their fluids everywhere. It would’ve seemed like hell to Thomas Adarian. Now, it seemed like home.
Prince Mathew gawked wide-eyed at everything surrounding him. More than once I saw him flinch and reach for his sword, whatever good that would’ve done him.
“Shouldn’t we have an honor guard?” He said, his voice pitched high in alarm.
“We’re not good enough for you?” Brianna giggled.
“With all due respect, Population Director, I don’t think you’ll be much help if a berserk centaur charges me!”
“Why would that happen? Do you owe any centaurs money?” Brianna tittered.
“No one will harm you with us around.” I assured the prince, “The citizens here revere us.”
“Don’t you fear assassins?”
“Only a suicidal assassin would try to kill us here.” I said, and then shot out my arm before Prince Mathew walked right into the middle of fight. Two massive ogres roared as they dealt each other crushing blows, the street shaking with their footfalls. The ten-foot behemoths struck each other with haymakers that would’ve planted me into the bedrock, then they wrestled through a kiosk, destroying pots and pans, vases and bowls. The poor shop owner screamed in dismay as the ogres stepped back, and drew their mighty clubs.
“Isn’t someone going to do something?!” Prince Mathew shrieked, “The constables are just standing there!”
Five of Faltia’s watchmen stood on the sidelines with the rest of the crowd, a few of them placing bets. The ogres charged each other once more, swinging their clubs overhead. The weapons smashed together, a sound like an explosion blasting from the collision, and they whirled on each other, their great clubs humming through the air in a blur. One ducked the other’s swing, then sprang off the ground in a mighty leap, screamed with his club raised high, and brought it down on the other’s head, splattering it like a watermelon. The crowd roared, and the dead ogre took two reflexive steps before wobbling, and crashing to the ground.
Brianna applauded fervently, absolutely delighted by the display, and I conceded a few claps of my own before I pointed to the watchmen, and yelled, “Arrest this ogre.”
The ogre wheeled on me. “What did I do?”
“What did you do?!” Prince Mathew squeaked.
I pointed to the destroyed kiosk. “That’s criminal destruction of property. You’ll see a magistrate in three days about paying restitution, but until then, you’ll be in the mines.”
The watchmen hauled out a massive set of irons, and clamped them around the ogre’s outstretched wrists. His shoulders slumped as he was guided toward the silver mines, the sound of applause and cheers carrying him away. I pulled one of the remaining watchmen aside, and demanded his badge number. Gambling while on watch was forbidden.
“If you don’t want me telling Commander Faltia about this, you better get rid of this body.” I hissed, pointing at the headless hulk in the street.
“By myself?!”
I shrugged. “Get a hacksaw.”
From there, we took the shaken Ardeni prince toward the quarry. Here, the street widened to accommodate the increase in traffic. The stadium was becoming the centerpiece of the city, and so the buildings grew taller, and the debauchery became greater. While revelers frolicked, fought and fucked in the streets, twenty-foot-tall trolls lumbered down the construction causeway with great rectangular stones on their backs, heading toward the urban strip. The crowd became tighter, and soon, I was packed in with the foot-traffic of Alkandra, and had to hold the hapless prince’s hand lest he get washed away. We finally broke through the crowd, and there before us, was the Alkandran Arena. It was an enormous bowl dug into the quarry, rimmed at street-level with great statues of battle that Tim and his apprentice stone masons had made. It didn’t come off the ground like traditional coliseums, but the way it opened up was spectacular.
“Pretty amazing, huh?” I asked him. I turned with a smug smile to see his reaction, but he wasn’t looking at the wonder before him. No, he was staring slack-jawed at Eva’s stage.
Eva had on a circus conductor’s hat, and with her lion-tamer’s whip, she herded six naked orcs around a walking carousel, their collars linked to chains that were all looped at the top of the carousel, where a lever connected to a bullseye released the entire contraption. Eva’s assistant, the lovely Soraya, had on clown makeup and a frilly skirt over her gold-chain dress, and was rapidly crawling away from the lead orc like a terrified bunny at a dog race, setting the pace for the debauched carnival ride.
“They…” Prince Mathew blinked himself back to reality, “they are… hybrids, are they not? Women of great standing in your society?”
“Yeah. That’s First Scribe Soraya Poneria in the clown outfit, and Outreach Director Eva Alecia is the conductor.” I said.
“And you let them act like this?! In front of everyone?!”
Brianna guffawed. “Shit bro, I’d be joining them if I didn’t have to chaperone your tight ass.”
“Brianna, be nice!”
Prince Mathew turned to me. “And you, Governess?”
“I’ve been the clown a few times.” I confessed with a smile.
He stared at me like he didn’t recognize me at all, then looked back at the carousel. “And… and what happens when the orcs catch her?”
“Use your imagination.” Brianna giggled.
“What’s more interesting,” I said with a sly smile, taking the prince by the arm, “is what happens if someone manages to hit that target up there.”
“I think I’ll pass.”
“Brianna?”
“I was always a terrible shot. Plus, I didn’t bring my kneepads.”
“Governess!” Certiok called from the vendor’s booth, “Care to try your luck, birthmother?”
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