Serendipity

Five years had passed since I moved out of the house to pursue my journey into adulthood, and in that span of time my life saw many highs and lows, an experience I’m sure we can all relate to. But returning home now and seeing where I came from with fresh eyes put into perspective the areas in which I had grown as a woman, and the places where I remained woefully deficient. Chief among these weaker points concerned the state of my love life, best described as a mess of jumbled thoughts and tangled emotions that resulted in my desire to court a couple different people, though I lacked the courage necessary to fully commit to one of them. And it was there in the city that I grew up in, the place I once called home that I left behind five years prior in search of a conclusive answer, where I found myself at a crossroads of the heart.

I saw him again for the first time since I left, and all the feelings I held for him over the years, the bulk of which had laid dormant for so long, were finally excavated and brought to the surface the moment he smiled at me. His name isn’t important for the purposes of this story, but he is something more than just a dear friend to me. We’ve known each other for over a decade now, having been introduced to one another when we were both young and dumb and uncertain of the future. Over the years our relationship fell into a pattern of sorts, ebbing and flowing from one interaction to the next; sometimes the tide was high, and we were an inseparable force, but more often than not the current was weak and unfruitful. We drifted apart more times than I cared to admit, much of the onus falling upon my shoulders, but like the world’s most determined magnets we always found our way back to one another.

So it took me by no surprise then, as we sat and conversed over burritos at a local taqueria, that I was struck by an epiphany. Maybe it was the way he looked at me in between bites of his food, or perhaps it was the way he chuckled at my lame jokes (whether it was just to make me feel better or not, I’m unsure) but in that moment under the stars I realized the answer to all my questions of the heart had been there all along, patiently waiting for me to call on the outstretched hand.

“Hey,” I said quietly.

“Hey yourself,” he responded with a smile, before taking another bite of his burrito.

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” he replied without hesitation, mouth half full of food.

It was an exchange we had grown accustomed to over the years, but the meaning was always open to interpretation. Sometimes we belonged to other people, and it was a remark meant to signify our undying friendship; other times it was a cry for attention, an SOS sent from one heart to the other when one of us was desperately searching for their counterpart. The history between us was a fascinating lore that could fill its fair share of tapestry, but it was just that, history. Try as we might to figure it out, the future remained uncertain for us as it ever did, and despite my best efforts to finally make a concrete decision, the eureka moment passed as soon as it came. The sentiment might as well have been another shooting star landing amidst the dotted sky hanging above us.

“As much as I want to stay, I’ll be leaving again soon,” I said without looking at him, fixated on the uneaten food on my plate.

“I figured you would. I try not to get my hopes up about these things anymore.”

The poignancy of his words stung me, but he wasn’t wrong to feel that way.

“Do you remember the last time we had sex?” I asked bluntly, looking up at him.

His mysterious eyes studied me, brilliant ovals of brown and jade silhouetted by the shadows cast from the lamp hanging behind him.

“Of course I do.”

“I think about it often. I think about all our time spent together. I made a mistake leaving you here, I should never have gone,” I admitted quietly, unable to hold his gaze, instead diverting it to the parking lot in the distance.

“What’s done is done. You’re here now though, let’s enjoy it while we can,” he said, a typical, rational response.

I nodded sullenly and continued to pick at my food, my appetite abandoning me now that our shared can of worms had been reopened.

“I still feel bad about the last time,” I whispered, finding the courage to bring my gaze back to his.

“Why?”

“You know why.”

He laughed and took a swig of water, raising his hands in mock surrender.

“Haven’t got a clue,” he said coyly.

“I just couldn’t continue, I was sore for days afterward. I’ve never forgiven myself for that.”

“If you feel that bad about it, maybe one day you can make it up to me,” he said with a chuckle, though a peculiar glint flashed within his dark eyes.

I pondered his words for a moment, my eyes scanning his face. Maybe we couldn’t determine where the rest of our lives took us, but what was a one-night detour in the grand scheme of things? Certainly we could fit that into the itinerary—couldn’t we?

“How about today?” I mused, vocalizing my internal monologue without a second thought.

It was his turn to fall silent, and I could almost see the gears turning in his head as he considered my proposition. The playful, flirty persona that he embodied so well seemed to melt away as he leaned forward, arms folding beneath his chest, a serious expression falling upon his face.

“I’m not the same person I was back then. If you really want to make it up to me and experience something you haven’t before, then I want you to fully submit yourself to me for one night. Just know that I will own you and your body completely for the entirety of our time together. All I need is your consent, I’ll take care of everything else.”

This was a man I could trust with my life, but even still, his energy had my nerves on high alert as we waded into fresh territory together. My heart began to hammer against my ribcage after he laid down the gauntlet, knowing full well he was as serious as could be. He was offering something to me that deep down I had always wanted to explore, but I had never found the right person to attempt it with. It was an experience I had read about, dreamt about, and even lusted over, and here it was being offered to me on a silver platter, from him of all people. I nodded my head and brought my gaze to his one final time, returning a nervous smile to his devious grin.

“Okay. Tonight, I’m all yours.”

~~~

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Somewhere along the line I had lost track of time, but the noisy clock sounding off from across the room was meticulous, signaling each passing second without fail. The minutes began to bleed together as they passed by, aided in their quest to confuse me by the world of darkness the blindfold confined me to. By now the ever-present dull ache in my knees had blossomed into a brilliant flame of discomfort, unabated even when I shifted my weight from side to side or back upon my heels. But I could barely spare any attention to the pain, instead allowing my thoughts to drift and wander, the unfocused musings splattering my mind’s canvas that was surrounded by an inky darkness that encroached upon it from all sides.

My wildest fantasies were soon interrupted by the report of a door opening and then quickly shutting, followed by an eerie silence. A caged animal began to thump against the bars confining it within my chest, adrenaline seemingly having replaced every drop of blood in my veins. I strained and tuned my senses as hard as I could despite my deficient hearing, but failed to perceive any noise save for my ruthless pulse that nearly deafened me further with the amount of superheated blood pooling within my ears. The relentless clock continued to dutifully report from across the room, each stroke of its hand taunting me as the anticipation of what was to come gripped me with anxiety and excitement alike.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

A heavy hand fell upon the crown of my head, and I flinched at the touch, my entire body violently shuddering for a moment or two until I steeled myself against the sensation. Thick fingers twisted their way through my hair, tussling my tresses back and forth as one would treat a beloved pet at the end of a particularly long day. I sat up straighter, pushing my head into the thick hand that greeted me, the large extremity able to palm the entirety of my skull with ease. A soft whimper escaped me as I began to envision what else those large hands were capable of.

His smooth, deep voice bore its way past the boiling blood in my ears and swirled within me, causing goosebumps to break out across my flesh akin to a rash. His clutch on my head tightened, and more delicious words found their way to my core, this time forcing my knees to crash together so my thighs could regroup and potentially keep me from wetting myself any further. But the more he spoke, and the deeper I became intoxicated with the potent mixture of bodily musk and the vibrant cologne he wore, the more apparent my arousal became to the both of us.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

Suddenly, the dimly lit hotel room swam into view, my eyes receding into thin crescent slits that found the familiar man towering above me with thinly veiled malevolence masquerading behind a handsome grin.

“Do you understand me?” he asked calmly.

My head responded of its own accord, nodding urgently within his strong grasp, my eyes never once leaving him. His features sharpened over time as my eyes adjusted to the poor light, and by the time he retrieved his hand and tossed the blindfold aside, I could clearly admire him from my kneeling position at his feet. His face was one I was intimately familiar with, but each time I saw it was like seeing it for the first time, finding myself routinely dumbstruck by the effortless grins his thick lips could morph into, the hazel eyes that owed no allegiance to one color over another or the finely trimmed beard that framed his features in a picturesque way.

His strong grip reappeared to claim my chin, tilting my head ever upward, his fierce gaze bearing down upon my wavering eyes. A pang of apprehension sliced its way past my desire, cutting through the fog of arousal that clung to the air between us. In that moment, as his intense eyes searched my own, a nervousness overcame me that I was all too familiar with. The effect he had on me by simply occupying a shared space was already difficult to describe, but in the current environment where I was embarking on a journey to discover something within myself, words simply gave it no justice.