He probably hates himself for what he let happen as much as I do. And for someone who had been through this kind of situation before I knew better than to blame the victim.
I decided: No. I would not be part of a stereotype. So I got up, gartered all my clothes and got dressed. Then went to the kitchen where my uncle was at the table with his face buried in his hands. I couldn’t see her anywhere.
“Did she leave?”
He did not respond. It sounded like he was sobbing. I got closer to him and asked again: “Is Sheila gone? Uncle Jeff…” He just cut me off as he removed his hands from his wet face.
-“Don’t. “
I just looked at him puzzled…
-“Don’t call me that anymore, please… I don’t deserve it. In fact I don’t deserve for you to ever speak to me again. I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am for what happened, for what I let happen, for what I did…”
This time I cut him off. My heart was breaking to hear him speak like this.
“It was my fault too. I should have just fought back more, I guess I just wasn’t expecting such a high level of aggressiveness from her.” He just looked back at me…
The truth is that I couldn’t really had fought back, not me, not after being “programed” during my visits with Dr. Carter to submit myself in any way that was asked of me. But he didn’t need to hear that, no one should ever know that about me…
So I just gave him a hug and tried to calm him down. I could not believe how the roles had been switched so quickly. I, the teenage niece was comforting him, my adult uncle in regards to something that he had technically done to me, or at least was coerced into doing.
But it was too much for my tired young mind to digest right now, so I just told him that I was OK and that this will not happen again. Not sure how I knew this, but somehow it seemed like Sheila wasn’t to be seen; at least for a while.
I left him there to regain his composure and went upstairs. I was going to take a bath and wash her smell off me but was too tired for anything. As I opened the door to my room the bed seemed way too inviting to pass. I just took everything off and got under the covers and took a well-deserved nap.
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