“I know it seems odd I would want that impression. I’m fully aware that even though we are related, we are also only 14 years apart in age. At our ages, people see two adults and not an Aunt with her nephew. So I thought it might be fun to assume the role of a couple spending an evening out. Lord knows I wish I could have a companion again who could be a gentleman at times.” She said softly and looked down at the table not focusing on it.
“I must admit Aunt Jean I don’t really know what to say. I guess maybe I’m a bit shocked. I didn’t know you were so depressed about things. I mean, I always thought of you as happy no matter what. You you look great and you seemed happy until now.” I said. Stephan returned with our wine and salads and left again. I continued once he was out of sight.
“I know you’re sixty but you look better than any thirty-something I know. I can’t imagine you would have any trouble getting dates or finding someone near your age you can be happy with.”
She smiled, a little sadly then said, “I may look as young as you think you see me and I feel much younger than I am at times. Lately I just don’t feel that young anymore. The men about my age I meet have something telltale about their age and health. Sometimes I feel like a real loner. I missed a good amount of my life trying to make my marriage work and in the end it failed. I don’t know if there are any men out there my age willing to invest the rest of their lives with me that still have vitality and can keep up with my needs. If there are, they certainly don’t live in this town or a hundred miles of it!”
“So…” I cut off as she shook her head slowly.
“I’m too old to be making the bar scene or using those online dating sites. I’m sixty and I feel every bit of it at times. I would have to move somewhere else and I don’t feel like starting my life over. Oh I’ll probably start traveling around different parts of the world at some point but it won’t be to find a mate. I can’t have children any more and I really don’t want the responsibility of one.
I did the ‘mother’ thing and they don’t write or call hardly. So why look for a mate? That part of my life is over. I need companionship. Someone I can share my life with under a different set of expectations.” She said. She started eating her salad again and paused with her fork half way to her mouth and sighed saying “I wish I could go back and fix my life sometimes.”
I thought of my family and wishing the same thing. I looked at the wedding band I still wore. It pained me at times to wear it but seemed more painful somehow to try to put it away. It was then I noticed Aunt Jean was wearing her diamond wedding ring and I inquired about it.
She looked at her left hand and gave a half smile. “I guess I just wanted to feel like I had someone I could relate to and just pretend a little that we were a happy couple out on the town. But…” she trailed off.
“But what?” I asked.
“Oh nothing. I’m just an old woman trying to hold off the feeling that she’s the last of her generation. After my divorce I changed my name back to my maiden name and, well, I thought since I was a ‘Logan’ again…” she trailed off. “Listen Ben, I didn’t really mean to bring this up and stir up hurt feelings. I’m sorry.” She said and started to remove her ring. I reached over and held her hand in both of mine. She stilled and stared at my hands for a bit then looked into my eyes.
My eyes were glistening with the sting of tears beginning to form. Fearing what she’d done, hers did too and she froze. I could see a fearful look in those beautiful green eyes and wanted to do something to allay those fears. I did the only thing I could think of and put an arm around her and pull her closer. We both hurt inside and having a nice evening out really wouldn’t hurt anything. We sat there quietly for a few minutes holding hands with my arm around her.
Several minutes went by and Stephan appeared with more wine and our main course. He filled each glass with our choices and was about to put the bottles on the cart when I stopped him. I asked if he would just leave them and to please add them to my bill. Stephan smiled and left the wine with us. Aunt Jean was curious now.
“Why?” she asked simply.
“We both have a lot of memories that hurt. This is the elegant way to dissolve some of them. Afterwards, we can either paint the town red or stock up on the way home. Much can disappear in this universal solvent my dear lady. Things seem to get better with the partaking of the more prodigiously potent poisons found elsewhere in this land of southern delights.” I said. She laughed softly as her face lit up in surprise.
“You really mean we should get plastered tonight?” she said.
“I will make it my priority to take extreme latitude against the lower forms of emotional disposition. When it comes to this magic solvent, the more exotic forms of spirits consumed, the better one feels about the future. Until the next morning of course.” I declared raising my glass. Then I quietly said “A toast to a most magnificent celebration of being the only two lonely people on the planet tonight to benefit from various alcoholic concoctions.”
Grinning she raised her glass and said, “To an everlasting companionship. May we never feel lonely when we’re together.” I raised an eyebrow then our glasses clinked making a tiny musical note. We downed our glassfuls in large gulps and I wondered about her use of the word, ‘companionship’.
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