By time the credits rolled I could barely keep my eyes open. She had been so still and quiet during the film that I’d forgotten she was at the other end of the couch. I looked at her as I pried myself up to my feet. She was fast asleep, her empty glass on the table beside her. Well, good for her, I thought. She needed a rest. I took the bowl and glasses to the kitchen and brought a light throw to cover her. It was a comfy couch, there was no need to disturb her. I left the hall light on and headed for bed.
I tiptoed down the stairs the next morning, hoping not to wake her. I peeked into the den and saw that the couch was empty. She hadn’t made a sound last night. I prayed she was up in her room, that she hadn’t decided to ditch it all and disappear. It would have been mightily difficult to tell my sister that her daughter had vanished the first night she’d spent in my home. I crept up the stairs again. Her door was ajar. I pushed it open slightly, enough to see her tucked in, the clothes she’d worn yesterday over the back of a chair. I eased the door shut and headed down to the kitchen. The coffee was already brewing as I popped a couple of slices into the toaster and sat down. While I waited, I scrolled past the unanswered questions, big and small, that ran through my mind. What did she like for breakfast? What was her course schedule? What did she like to do with her free time? And the biggest one, how on Earth was this going to work? I felt guilty for not knowing even the most basic details. Sure, we hadn’t seen much of each other over the years but still, she was my niece. I ought to have asked more questions. I didn’t want her to feel like a total stranger here.
I was buttering the toast when she came in and sat down across from me at the table. I looked up, surprised. She was wearing an oversized t-shirt and, from what I could tell, nothing else. “Hey, hi. Good morning. I didn’t expect to see you up so soon.” She sagged in the chair, head propped up on her arm, still looking tired. “There’s coffee, can I pour you a cup?”
She yawned and nodded. “Thanks, Uncle Jeff. And thanks for last night. It was nice. I’m sorry I was such a bitch to you yesterday.”
“You’ve had a rough time lately, Emma. Your mum got me up to speed on your situation. Nobody expects you to be all sweetness and light while this sorts itself out, okay?”
She seemed a completely different person from yesterday afternoon. The white-hot anger had disappeared. Her eyes welled up; her bottom lip began to quiver. I came around the table and sat next to her, putting my hand lightly on her shoulder.
“Hey now, it’s okay, honestly. No judgement, not from me.” Her shoulders shook as she buried her face in her hands. I rubbed her back softly. “Shh, Emma, it’s alright. Is it okay if I give you a hug? It seems like you could use one.” She turned and wrapped her thin arms around me, her head pressed against my shoulder. I held her gently, stroking her hair, rocking her. “It doesn’t feel like it right now, but I promise you things will get better. I know what those dark places can be like. I’m on your side, Emma.”
She sat back, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “Thanks, Uncle Jeff,” she sniffed. “I wanted to hate being here, but I knew right away I was wrong. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
I kissed her forehead. “Okay, enough apologising. It’s a different day and your coffee’s getting cold. Is toast okay for breakfast or can I get you something else?”
She sniffed. “No, toast is good, thanks. I never have much in the morning.”
“Got it. Well, mi casa es su casa, alright? This is your home as much as you want it to be. When we’re done here, I’ll give you a little tour so you know your way around. I’ve made some changes since you were last here. It’s gotta be, what, three or four years?”
“I guess so,” she nodded.
We finished the toast and drained our coffee cups. I got up and took our plates and mugs to the dishwasher. “Ready?”
“Sure.” She stood up.
“I, ahh… do you want to get dressed first?” I tried not to look but it was evident that the t-shirt was pretty much all she was wearing. As I said, she was petite, but she had definitely matured since last I saw her. Two noticeable bumps indicated bare nipples under the thin fabric. The shirt was only a few inches below her hips. I’m sure she noticed the quick scan I’d just given her.
She shrugged. “No, I’m okay. I’ll get dressed for class later.”
We headed off through the house, walking from room to room. We stopped at my office. “I’ve cut back on the amount of time I spend at the office anymore. I mostly work from home now. I know Cassie’s… I mean, your bedroom is set up with a desk and all but you’re welcome to use the office whenever you want a change of scenery.” We headed toward the rear where a long conservatory spanned the width of the house. It overlooked an infinity-edged spa that sent a cascade of water into a lap pool below. There was a diving board at the far end. She gave a low whistle. “Nice, hmm? You haven’t been here since I replaced the old one with this setup. It’s great for this ageing body of mine. I use it almost every day.” I looked at my watch. “In fact, I’m probably going to do a few laps before work. You’re welcome to use it anytime you want.”
“That’s awesome. Thanks.”
“So, that’s pretty much it. As I said, my home is your home, Emma. Don’t be shy about taking advantage of it. I want you to feel comfortable here, okay?”
“Okay. Thanks, Uncle Jeff.” A tiny smile formed.
I followed as we both headed upstairs to our rooms. Stupidly, I glanced up as she climbed the stairs. Bare cheeks peeked out from under her shirt. I looked away, scolding myself. Jesus H, Jeff! What the hell are you doing? She’s your niece for god’s sake!
I was on the last few of my laps when she appeared at the side of the pool. I came over and leaned on the edge, looking up at her. She truly had matured since I last saw her. Her one-piece swimsuit hugged some very sensuous curves, beautifully proportioned. I did my best to keep my eyes up, looking at her face.
“Hi. Do you mind if I use the spa?”
“You don’t need my permission, Emma. Remember, this is your place, your home as much as mine. If you want to use the spa, then go ahead and use the spa. Okay?”
“Okay. Thanks.”
I finished my laps, leaving her to herself in the swirling hot water. I gave her a wave and headed inside to take care of a few business tasks. I’d been at my desk for a couple of hours when she came and stood at the door. “I’m gonna head over to campus now. Probably take me a minute to figure out where I’m supposed to go.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way,” I said. “I’m not offering to walk you to school on your first day of kindergarten but if it’s not too embarrassing, I can go with you, give you an insider’s take on it.”
“Actually, that would be great, Uncle Jeff, and it’s not embarrassing. I’d appreciate if you did. This is a lot bigger deal than I thought it would be.”
I stood up and grabbed a jacket from the front hall. We headed out onto the street. I looked down at her as we walked. “I won’t even hold your hand when we cross the street,” I joked.
She stopped, suddenly furious. “Seriously? Is that supposed to be fucking funny or something?” She stormed off, leaving me standing there.
I caught up to her. “I’m sorry, Emma. You’re right, that was a stupid thing to say.”
“Is that what you think, that I’m still a little kid needing my daddy’s help to cross the street? Fuck me! This is my last year of college. Maybe you haven’t noticed but I’m not a little girl anymore. Okay?”
“No, you’re right, you’re absolutely right, Emma. I’m sorry.” We started to walk together again. “It’s no excuse but you gotta know I’m a little out of my depth here. It’s been a long time since I’ve had anyone your age living with me. I’m sorry.”
She stopped and looked up at me. “I’m sorry too. I know I’m over-sensitive right now. I swear Mum and Dad are treating me like a five-year-old. It all went to shit and now I gotta deal with it, but I don’t need anyone holding my hand.”
We reached the campus and stood together in the quad. I gave her a general idea of the layout, checked out a few key spots inside, then pointed her toward the dean’s office. “Good luck with it, Emma. I’m with you all the way on this, okay? Anything you need, anytime, I’ll be here.” I turned to leave.
“Uncle Jeff?” I turned around. She reached up and kissed my cheek. “Sorry for being a bitch again. Thanks. I really mean it. Thanks.” She turned and walked away. I watched her leave, a little surprised by what she’d just done. She was right – the little girl I remembered was now a woman, a strong one trying to find her own way. A lump caught in my throat; I was proud of her.
It had been several weeks now and although we were still trying to figure out exactly how to make this all work there were signs that Emma was beginning to uncoil that over-wound spring inside her. Or so I thought. I’d just started dinner when the front door slammed. I cringed; that was never a good sign. She came in, slumped down into a chair and buried her face in her hands, then pounded the table with tight fists.
“Fuck, fuck, FUCK!” she cried.
“What? What the hell happened, Emma?” I came and sat beside her. “What’s going on?” I put an arm around her shoulders as she leaned into me. In those short few weeks we’d been together I was happy to see how comfortable she’d become around me. I found that she seemed to need physical contact; human touch calmed her.
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