She raised a stern finger to her lips and spoke: “Shush. I told you, stop apologizing. If you really haven’t handled yourself in six years, then it’s a wonder you haven’t jumped on one of your old, nasty patients yet. You gotta do something about that – skip a day of your meds or something.”
The stinger in her words was clear – in order for us to maximize our time together, I’d have to ‘deal with it’. How and when was up to me, but by my estimation, it would take a day for my levels to drop to the levels I’d be able to bust… and it had been so difficult to quit the first time around. “Yeah… I think you might be right.”
The rest of the day was wonderful. We spent it fishing, cooking and lazily talking about my sister’s stories. Curiously, she didn’t want to touch on any topic regarding friends, school or past romantic interests – it was as if she wished for the past to remain in the past. Not that I had much to say about those years, either. Caring for a child while I, myself, had been a child hadn’t been easy, but I’d done the best I could. And judging by her creativity, her infectious smile and the calming effects she had on me… I’d say I’d done all right.
At the end of another day, we lay in our open sleeping bags and stared up at the starry skies with similar smiles of contentment. Only a few days had passed of my lengthy vacation and I could already feel the world outside the hospital growing on me again – the place I’d removed myself from for all the pain it had caused… but in so doing, I’d ran the risk of losing her. And if it was one thing I wasn’t ready for, then it was running such a risk again.
“Thanks for today. And yesterday.” I heard her voice speak from my side. I turned to see her stare back at me from atop her elbows, still wearing her light, white shirt. Her genuine, peaceful smile reminded me of the girl I’d grown up with before it had all gone to shit – she was still the same, wonderful girl I’d been blessed with seeing into her adulthood.
“I should be the one thanking you. You had to double-time your essay for this trip… s-…” I caught myself saying it and kept my mouth shut, provoking an agreeing nod from her. She looked back up at the night’s sky – towards the lights of the distant city before glancing down the plateau at the many twinkling houses around our town.
“I’d triple-time it for this… I can’t really explain how it feels to me. I thought I’d lost you years ago, but I got you back. It goes without saying, that was my greatest wish for years.” I was somehow surprised to hear it. Personally, I’d have done anything to have dad back and be released from my duties, but… as I looked up at her smile… I couldn’t help but doubt that it would have been better if things were the way they were. Especially if this was who we could be.
Without a word, she reached her arm across me and fell to my shoulder, nuzzling into my naked, cooling skin with a deep sigh through her nose – sniffing me. “Well, next time you feel me slipping away, tell me. I did a lot of this for myself, but-… it doesn’t mean anything if I burn our bridge in the process.” Her head jerked up and down on my shoulder. “Not letting you slip away, for sure. But by the end of the month, we’re gonna find you someone to help me keep you around. How’s the dating-app going?” I resisted the urge to look over at my phone – truthfully, I hadn’t checked it once since she’d installed it. My lack of a reaction told her all she needed to – as I thought from the giggle.
“Well, as long as you’re still single, this counts as a date, right?” Her question was… confusing. I tried to look down at her, but she remained still, holding an arm across my bare chest. “Well, I’m learning more about women all the time I’m with you, so why wouldn’t it?”
I felt her fingers tap against my chest. “Then… maybe we could…” She mumbled something into my skin that I didn’t hear. “What?”
“M-maybe we could practice kissing again. Just so you’re ready for when it happens.”
At this point, it dawned on me that something odd was going on with her. I didn’t rise up – I didn’t want this to become a big deal, but I asked her: “Sarah… does that sound right to you? I mean… you get what I’m saying, right?” To my surprise, she was oddly understanding of my stance. She flushed and whispered: “I-…”
I considered her weirdness for a moment longer. This was classical transference behavior – she was equaling my attention and the fun we’d been having with physical impulses and in so doing had become confused. I cleared my throat and spoke: “I promise. I’m not gonna go back to the way I was. This isn’t about kissing or boners or… stuff. It’s about me and you spending time together like a family.”
She huffed a breath into my neck. “I know. It’s not that, I-… I just liked it and so did you. It doesn’t have to mean anything as long as it’s fun… right?”
It was fun. It was a whole lot of fun – that feeling in my stomach had lingered for a while afterwards, but it had also caused some physical side-effects that had in turn cursed me to a night of restless, horny staring up into the ceiling.
Sarah’s voice quivered as she nervously spoke: “Just… stop me if you don’t want it.” She spoke. She rose up slowly and cautiously leaned over towards me – staring me in the face as she bit her lower lip nervously. Again, the moonlight and the fire lit her face up like the seductive angel she was – her pale cheeks, the strands of hair that tickled my face – I was stunned by her beauty alone. I felt her hand journey up my chest to rest at my cheek as she leaned in to speak into my mouth: “It’s just some harmless fun… no one’s around.”
I wish I could say I resisted. But as soon as those lips touched mine, I was lost in her. The humidity and the warmth reanimated her shampoo, blasting me with her peachy, orangy scent. I felt my own hand defy my mind as it slid up her side to hold her by her rib. She slowly moved back, only for me to take charge and bend forwards to lock her in place – desperately clinging to those butterflies for as long as I could. The joy – the bliss. Everything about what we were doing felt so wrong, but it only heightened the intensity of the act itself. I felt her smile widen throughout our kiss and by the time I felt her tongue on mine, I knew that resisting was futile. The most we could do was simply enjoy this moment and the hormone-fuel, sinful act.
Again, I can’t remember how the kiss ended, but as it did, she slunk back to my side with the widest pupils I’d ever seen, biting her sore lip and breathing hard. “That was… nice…” Was all I could say. She eagerly nodded and giggled like the hormone-fueled twenty-year-old she was. “Yeah, it was… I don’t understand it, but… I like it. I know it’s wrong, but thinking about it never happening again is a worse thought.” She muttered. Good. At least she understood that it was wrong.
“Yeah. Honestly, I think we’re both a bit vulnerable… but I am your senior, so I should put my foot down.”
“But you won’t.” She stated matter-of-factly.
“I don’t even know what we’re doing, so it’s hard to say no, right?” I quizzed.
“Right. And you’re hardly my senior – we’re both immature losers.” Somehow, it didn’t sting at all when it came from her. Being likened to my sister in any fashion was a positive, in my book.
“I’m six years older than you – I should know better.” I grumbled.
“Five and a half, thank you very much. And it’s not like I’m not an adult who’s well aware of what I’m doing with my lips. Affection’s common between family members and since we have so few, we just have to get a bit more drastic.” Made sense when she said it like that.
After a lengthy silence in which we just smelled one-another and listened to our breathing, I heard her whisper: “Makes me so tingly everywhere… Did you try last night?” I was well aware what she was talking about. I shook my head, only to hear her “aww…”
She paused to consider her next words carefully. “I… did.” I turned to look at her seductive gaze as she went on: “That tingliness kinda just kept building and it wouldn’t let go. When I was clearing the kitchen, I couldn’t help myself anymore.”
I shouldn’t have asked… but I did. “Was it good?”
“Like you wouldn’t believe. You’d have thought I was the one who’d been saving up for six years.” Only a couple days previous, I would’ve cringed and maybe even retched as I imagined my sister leaned forwards on the kitchen counter with her hand down her soaked underwear. Now, the mental imagery made me so damn hard it hurt.
She kept going, too: “I can feel something happening down there. Isn’t it time you try to give it a go again?” I raised my non-sister-wielding arm to rub my forehead. My heart was beating like drums of war, causing painful reverberations in the member tucked inside the sleeping bag.
“This is so fucked up…” I muttered as I relented and attempted to rise up, only for her to lay her body a bit more atop mine to push me back down. I looked at her with confusion as she looked down towards my crotch and spoke to the awakened dragon: “Please don’t go. I’ve never seen it before – I’ll just look, all right?”
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