The sunlight around the curtains woke me up, and I felt so safe and loved with her spooned up against me. She must have been waiting for me to wake up. As I tightened my arm around her, she whispered, “Good morning, mo mhuirnín.”
Perplexed by the unusual endearment, I opened my eyes and saw her untidy hair, the same flame red as mine. She turned in my arm, and I stared into her emerald green eyes…
… I woke, the remnants of my confusing dream rapidly fading away, to find myself spooned against Alessia, her arm over my ribs and her hand gently cradling my breast. I could hear her steady breathing, which told me she was still asleep. Her hand clenched slightly, and my body heated up as my nipples ached and my pussy burned. I wriggled into Alessia, and I heard her breathing speed up as her hand clenched again, and my hard nipple scored her palm.
Any reservations I had when I fell asleep last night went away as Alessia pressed against me. Her hand tightened on my breast, her fingers digging into my flesh. She murmured, “Mio tesoro,” before her lips brushed against my neck, sending white-hot pulses flashing through my body.
“Oh, mo mhuirnín!” I moaned and arched my back, pressing my shoulder blades into her breasts and my ass into her hips. I could feel her hard nipples digging into my back, and my whole body thrummed. I spun around, and we wrapped our arms around each other as our lips crashed together. Our tongues danced with each other as we pressed into the kiss that I never wanted to end.
We spent the next hour or so pleasuring each other, experimenting with different positions and erogenous zones, forgetting all about the prohibitions of our religious teachings. Once again, the call of nature finally forced us out of bed to prepare for the day.
After a lazy day of enjoying each other’s company, finishing our homework, and enjoying another crocheting lesson, we prepared for bed. Without words needed, we crawled into Allesia’s bed together, sans pajamas, and slept the night together. Every night for the rest of the semester, we slept together either in her bed or mine.
I was never happier, even though we had to hide our relationship from the world. While in our room with the door locked, we were lovers. While out in the world, we were just roommates. At first, the dichotomy of the situation bothered me, but I eventually got used to it.
The only downside was attending Mass and not participating in communion. I so wanted to go to confession to receive communion, but knowing that I would have to confess my forbidden love for Alessia and be instructed to break it off, prevented me. I did pray a lot, but I never really got a sense that God was answering my prayers.
Finally, the end of the semester came, and Alessia and I were going home for the Christmas break. We had both aced all of our finals and celebrated each one in bed, enjoying the orgasms we gave each other. I knew I was going to miss her, and her, me, so the night before we left to go home, our sex was frenetic, as though trying to make up for the three weeks we’d be separated all in one night.
Alessia was flying back home, and her taxi came before my parents arrived for me, so we hugged chastely. I watched Alessia leave, waving to her and already missing her. My parents showed up shortly afterward. I set my feelings aside, smiled, and hugged my parents before we left for the long drive back to Virginia.
January 1965
I had a great time at Christmas with my family despite missing Alessia. I got to see Aunt Sinéad, thank her for her lovely letter, and again express my appreciation for her helping me out in my desperate time of need. She reassured me that she had been glad to do it and told me she had enjoyed our time together.
When it was time to head back to school, my parents surprised me by handing me the car keys and telling me I could drive myself back to school. I was so thrilled that I cried in my Mom’s arms as she hugged me and wished me luck. Dad hugged me too, and I kissed him on the cheek and thanked him for everything.
Despite the anxiety of driving myself back to State College, I was excited to be seeing Alessia again. I thought about all the places we could go now that I had a car to get us around. After an eight-hour drive, it was dark when I got back to my dorm room. When I opened the door and turned on the light, I was shocked to see that Alessia’s side of the dorm room had been stripped bare, with nothing left to show that she had ever been there.
I was in a panic and ran to see the dorm monitor, Susan Brown. I was so upset that it took me a couple of tries to make her understand what I was trying to say. Once Susan understood my question, she calmly told me that Alessia had been there two days ago with her parents and packed her possessions. She was no longer going to attend Penn State.
I was crushed. I had no idea Alessia was leaving school, and when we left before Christmas, she had every intention of returning. She had aced all her classes, so I asked Susan if Alessia had said anything else. Susan noted that Alessia had seemed upset and looked like she had been crying. Her parents were quite brusque with Susan, asking her what kind of school they were running. Susan then asked me if I would be okay staying in the room alone since no new students were coming for the spring semester. I told her I’d be alright and returned to my room.
I sat on my bed and cried, wondering why Alessia had left. After a bit, I laid my head on my pillow and heard the crinkle of paper. I reached under my pillow and pulled out an envelope with my name written in Alessia’s handwriting. I ripped it open and smoothed out the hastily scribbled note:
Mio tesoro,
I’m so sorry, but I let it slip to my parents about us. They were so mad and yelled at me about how I could do something so sinful. I told them we loved each other, so how could it be a sin? They shouted even more at me, asking me what did I know about love?
They forbade me to have anything more to do with you, and to make sure, they pulled me out of school.
I don’t know what they will do with me since I won’t renounce my feelings for you. They’ve taken me to the priest, and he tried to tell me what we were doing was a mortal sin.
I hope I will be able to see you again someday. Until then, know that no matter what the priest says about my feelings for you, I have no regrets about what we did and will always love you.
‘Sia
I don’t know how long I sat there crying, clutching her note to my chest. I was so lost and alone, feeling almost as bad as that night over three years ago. I couldn’t talk to my parents any more than Alessia could talk to her parents. The only thing I could think of was to call my Aunt Sinéad. “Oh, ‘Sia, I love you,” I said to myself as I pulled myself together before going out into the common room to use the phone.
Luckily, no one was in the common room, so I called my Aunt Sinéad, hoping she was home. When she finally answered the phone and said, “Hello, this is Sinéad,” I just started bawling again, sobbing so hard I thought my heart would break.
Aunt Sinéad must have recognized me since I had cried a lot when I had stayed with her, so she asked, “Anna, is that you? What’s wrong, mo mhuirnín?”
“I … I …,” I tried to say but burst into crying again.
“Oh, mo mhuirnín! What’s wrong, baby?” Aunt Sinéad sounded so concerned my heart jumped to my throat.
I finally found my voice and just blurted everything out in one long monologue, gasping for breath when I finished. Aunt Sinéad didn’t interrupt me, just clucking in sympathy as I told my story. As I gasped for air, she said, “Oh, Anna, you poor thing. I’m so sorry.”
I heard no condemnation in her voice, so I started crying again in relief, knowing she wouldn’t yell at me about being a sinner. Once I settled down, we talked for a while. Aunt Sinéad was so sweet, telling me she understood what I was going through. I briefly wondered what Aunt Sinéad meant by that before she surprised me by confiding in me that she had had a similar experience while in college.
I was so relieved that Aunt Sinéad understood what I was going through. Knowing that she had gone through the same thing and survived helped me settle down. We dished for a little longer before two girls wandered into the lounge and turned on the TV. We said our goodbyes after Aunt Sinéad made me promise to call her if I started feeling bad again.
I went back to my empty room and got ready for bed. I cried myself to sleep, and my dreams were troubled …
… I was looking for Alessia, and she was nowhere to be found. I could hear her voice faintly echoing through the hallways as I ran from door to door, opening them and hoping to find her. I finally gave up when I could no longer hear her voice calling me …
… I woke, and it was dark. I listened intently, maybe expecting to hear a muffled sob or sniffle from the other bed. When that didn’t happen, I turned to the wall and cried myself back to sleep. The next time I awoke, it was light out, so I dragged myself out of bed, donned my robe, grabbed my toiletries, and headed to the bathroom.
By the time I finished my toilet and got breakfast, I was ready to face the world. I was sad, but I put on a brave face and tidied up my room to prepare for classes to resume the next day. Once I ran out of things to keep me busy, I tried calling Alessia. I dialed her number, hoping she’d answer the phone. The voice that answered the phone with “Hello?” belonged to an older woman I assumed was her mother.
Hoping for the best, I asked to speak to Alessia. However, when the woman asked, “Who is calling?” I feared for the worst.
“This is Anna O’Reilly,” I answered, fighting to keep my voice steady.
There was silence for a moment, and then the woman angrily said, “Alessia doesn’t want to talk to you.”
I was momentarily stunned by the vitriol in her voice as I heard Alessia’s voice in the background plaintively ask, “Is that Anna?”
I heard the woman’s muffled voice say, “Go back to your room, young woman!” before I heard her clearly say, “Don’t call here again. Alessia won’t talk to you!” The loud ‘click’ when she hung up on me sounded like a deadbolt being thrown shut. I stood there for a while, still holding the receiver in my hand as I sobbed, realizing that it was really over.
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