I stared at her for a second, “I’m sorry, Charlotte. They were so cruel…” Her eyes had that glassy look again and I came over to her. I took her hand and she stood, then I embraced her. She sniffled, but didn’t start sobbing as I feared she would.
“That night I decided I would leave. I had no idea where I would go, I just wanted to be away. Mom and Dad would never accept me. I had a few phone numbers of people up and down the coast. As soon as I got to Eugene I tried some. When I could get through, most were less than cooperative. No one wanted some damaged girl crashing on their couch. I stayed with one guy in Salem. He got… angry when he figured out I wasn’t going to fuck him and I ran away in the night from there, too.
“In Portland I stayed in a hostel and made pay phone calls down at the convenience store nearby. It was a scary neighborhood.”
“The neighborhoods aren’t that bad here. I’m sure you were safe.”
She glared at me, and I realized that I had definitely said the wrong thing. “You’ve been very sheltered, James, and you’re a guy. It wasn’t like that. Even at the hostel there were two guys… well they were total creeps. I knew something would happen if I didn’t get out.” She sighed again. “James, you were my hail Mary. I found your name in the phonebook and I hoped it wasn’t Uncle James. I didn’t have much hope. I had found a few people in the phonebook, only to find that they were long gone.” She sat back down and spread her arms wide. “And that’s it. I still don’t know what I’m going to do, James. But out of all this crap I found you again.”
We ate quietly for a few minutes. “Well,” she said. “Now you know me inside and out and you know all my big fuck-ups. It’s your turn.”
I shrugged, “Well it was the same as in your family. I couldn’t mention you around Dad. He would go into a rage. I had a picture of you and me together that he threw away. I dug through the garbage and then…” Now I felt a lump in my throat, “I cried like a little kid when I couldn’t find it.”
“James, you were a little kid. We were just eleven.”
“Anyway, I never cried in front of them. I didn’t want to give them the satisfaction of seeing they could affect me.” I sighed, “I’ve never told anyone this before.”
Charlotte nodded and looked sympathetic. I had to remind myself of who she was and remember the boy I was who could tell her anything and would never be afraid of what she would think. “High school… well it was easy for me. Too easy. It was hard for me to make friends, and girls never wanted anything to do with me. Even now I’m still…” I couldn’t say it. It was too humiliating.
“A virgin?” Charlotte asked. There wasn’t a trace of mockery on Charlotte’s face, only compassion.
I nodded. When I tried to speak my voice croaked and I found there were tears in my eyes. I cleared my throat. “When I got to college I didn’t even know how to study and I really struggled my first two years. It was just as hard to make friends here. And the ones I did… well they weren’t good for me. All they did was laugh at me.” More tears slid down my cheeks, “I wondered… and I still do if I’ll be alone forever.”
“James,” Charlotte whispered.
“No, Charlotte. You don’t need to say nice things to cheer me up. I know what’s true and what isn’t. Everyone says I’ll find someone to make themselves feel better. You don’t know how hard this has been. And how much I’ve missed…” my voice broke, “my only true friend.”
Charlotte’s face was a mask of anguish. Something dark inside me felt a small triumph that she felt a little of my misery. “People always think I’m so put together, because I don’t drink or party and I get good grades. And I dress plainly. And I can’t tell anyone.”
“Especially your mom and dad.” Charlotte whispered.
“But I’ve accepted it. Isaac Newton was celibate and so was Tesla. Sex isn’t everything.”
“No, James. Stuff like this isn’t just sex-”
“Charlotte, please. Don’t fuck with it. You’re not the only one with pain. This,” I gestured to my physics homework, “is what I’m good for.”
“I know you and you’re not like that,” I held my hand up, “No, James. Please. You’re so much more than that. You know that I love you. And like you said, you were my best friend. You’re so much more than what you think.”
I didn’t know if my tears were of anger or anguish. I hated her seeing me cry. I wanted to be strong for her, to be her knight and save her from the mess her life had become. But all I could do was fold my arms and look angry.
—
After dinner we washed the dishes, giving each other weak smiles and lingering touches. Though we were the same old James and Charlotte, we also weren’t. Our relationship wasn’t going to be what it was back then, it couldn’t be. What were we now? Charlotte’s life was dominated by wildness and chaos while my was dominated by boredom and depression.
I showed Charlotte the old bathtub for her to shower. “No, it’s a bath night. It has been way too long since I’ve been able to get clean.”
“The door is old, it doesn’t always close all the way.” She disappeared into the room and I tried to get back to my physics homework. I had a nine o’clock class tomorrow morning and this was due. It was dark outside already, and it was dubious that I would finish tonight.
My apartment was often quiet. There was music from next door occasionally, but for the most part the only thing I would hear was the whooshing of vents and traffic on the streets. Now there was only the creak of my chair and the clicking of calculator buttons. And swishing water. I could hear her in there, quite clearly. My mind wandered, and her slender form sitting in the tub entered it. I hadn’t been able to make much of her body from what I could see. The baggy jeans and baggy t-shirt left everything ambiguous. Doing her laundry gave me a bit more of an idea of what she looked like. But only a little.
I imagined drying off her small, firm tits, feeling the hardness of her nipple through the towel. My dick took notice, and soon I was squirming in my chair, gaussian fields and amperes the last things on my mind. Then I rubbed the towel on her round ass, sweet and shapely despite her slender frame.
It occurred to me that I didn’t have to imagine all this. I stood up from my chair. The same feeling crept into my brain that I had had when doing her laundry. I had never seen a girl naked in real life before and my cheeks were hot with my lust. Should I? All the voices inside me, my shame, my decency, my compassion, and my propriety, said no. One voice said yes, you know the one. Yet that voice overpowered them all.
I couldn’t see if the door was cracked open from where I was, so I rounded the corner and eyed the doorway. The crooked door was indeed slightly open, casting a shaft of light onto the dark floor. I heard the tinkling of water again and a soft, contented moan. It was now or never. If I was going to be alone all my life, this would likely be my only chance. I crept forward.
Looking through the crack of the door, I could see the bathtub. And there was Charlotte, a look of contented bliss on her face. Her eyes were closed and her face slack. I could only see her head, the rest of her was under the lip of the tub. The bathroom was steamy from the hot water. She was just lying there, relaxing before cleaning herself in earnest. There was a pair of white and gray striped panties on the floor with the rest of her clothes, but they were wadded and I couldn’t tell anything but the color.
This wasn’t so bad. I could only see her head, after all. As if on cue she sat up in the bathtub, revealing the breasts that had occupied my mind. They would have looked small if she weren’t so thin. They were high on her chest, and as she rubbed soap on them they jiggled and shook with her touch. They were slick and wet, and water dripped down their curves. I could imagine their exquisite firmness. My hand wandered down to my dick. But no. She might hear me.
Her tits were round, like two little plumbs on her chest. They were protrusive rather than wide. Her small areolas were pink from the heat of the water, and I longed for nothing more than to rub and pinch them. Her nipples reminded me absurdly of pencil erasers, and one of them even gave a bouncy quiver as she ran her hands over them. My cock felt like a branding iron in my pants, and it took all my effort not to touch it.
I could also see the tattoo up by her neck. It was Venus’s mirror, the symbol for female. At this point, it was hard to imagine her as anything but. She had a scattering of freckles on her back and shoulders when we were young, and I was thrilled to see that she still had the vital spots across her delicate shoulders.
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