I am not saying I am proud to be a liar but hell. I have never in my life imagined a man that could consume my thoughts so fully. Fill my desires so completely. I haven’t even met him yet. I have only been talking to him for 6 months now.
The conversation with Jake went horribly. How could I be so cold? I didn’t mean to sound so cold when I told him. I was numb, exhausted, and afraid.
“You fucking said you quit talking to him. You fucking lied to me. I trusted you god damnit Miranda.”
I cried.
“You fucking fix this now. You fix it now or we are done. You understand me? Done! I won’t put up with this shit ever again in OUR home.”
He threw the phone at me.
I knew I deserved his anger.
He was right.
I couldn’t go through with it.
“Fine, I will call him. I am so sorry I’ve hurt you after all we have been through. I don’t know how he does this to me…Since I met him online that day I just, can’t…”
“Shut up Miranda, you cheated on me.” He interrupted.
“I thought we took care of this problem. You were lying to me this whole time!” He slumped down into the bed.
“Call him” he said weakly. “Now…”
I picked up the phone and walked out of the room. I could hear Jake pacing in the room. I dialed…No answer. I tried again and again. No fucking answer.
Shit.
That night Jake slept on the couch. I couldn’t sleep. I must have dialed his number all night long with no avail. Come on answer…I pleaded silently. I was too chicken shit to leave a message. The hours dragged on and I guess I finally fell asleep.
I woke up and shot straight out of bed. I grabbed the phone and ran to the back door as fast as my legs could carry me. Pretty damn fast. Breathing hard I saw that I had a few missed calls.
All of them from a strange number.
No messages.
I called the number as I looked through the kitchen window at Jake sleeping peacefully on the couch.
“Hope he’s having a good dream” I said sadistically, instantly feeling guilty.
“Hey babe, why didn’t you pick up” his voice melted me and panicked me at the same time.
“I had a bad night; I need to talk to you.”
“OK meet me at the beach here. I’m at your favorite spot, the one you told me about. I’m in the Oasis here next to the park.”
“How long have you been there?” I questioned.
“Well I just got off my flight and called a cab to bring me here until I could get a hold of you. Probably been here an hour or so. It’s beautiful down here just like you said. Get your ass down here woman, I need some company fast.”
I hung up without saying goodbye. Threw on a sundress and sandals and flew out of the house like it was burning down. Jake wasn’t up yet thank god. I stopped at my car looking at the house.
Maybe I should tell him.
Maybe I should tell him where I am going at least…
Nah. I can fix this on my own.
My heart was racing. My knees were wobbly. I was nervous as hell. What was I going to say “Ooops sorry I lied to you, your whole trip was a waste, go home now? Oh yeah, I never broke up with Jake and I am not your girlfriend.” This was going to suck, I laughed nervously.
How the hell can I be so stupid?
I wandered the beach finding little peace. I walked to the Oasis and there was so sign of him. I walked up and down the peer and to the park, nothing. Hmmm maybe he was just messing with me, I started to calm myself. He does like to joke. I thought…
I walked back to the pier and sat down in a quiet spot and let my toes touch the water. I’ve been coming here since I was a kid. I had always talked to the water about everything. I know it sounds crazy but you know…Those thoughts you have that are so private you fear to write them down, well that’s where I let them out. The water knows all of my secrets.
“You know part of me is a bit disappointed that he isn’t here. I mean I just can’t let go. I love Jake too though and I could never dump him. It makes things sooo…complicated. I have to tell the truth though; it’s the right thing to do…”
I lay back looking up at the blue sky.
“So you didn’t dump Jake?” I hear a voice from behind.
“SHIT!” I spat out like vomit as I sat up. I could feel my cheeks hot with embarrassment. My breath was caught in my throat. I buried my face into my knees. How could I look at him? Please let that not be him. It was him. What do I do! Panic…white…hot…panic. I can’t look, I thought. Don’t fucking look at him you dumb bitch! Oh my god how fucking embarrassing. I remember thinking that if I didn’t look at him for long enough he would disappear, or I would. Either way would be nice.
“Miranda, look at me.” I could hear pain in his voice.
“I can’t look…I tried to call you ya know? You put me on the spot; I didn’t know what to do.”
I cried, tears flooding down my bare knees and legs.
“I put you on the spot? You told me that you broke up with him. You told me we could be together. You said yes to me. He may still be your boyfriend, but I am your boyfriend too.” I could hear the frustration in his voice.
“I don’t know what to do. I told you about all the things Jake and I have been through. I can’t just leave, our lives are intertwined.” I looked up at him.
“Nothing that can’t be undone.” He sat down next to me.
I got a glimpse of his strong arms and bare chest. I tried to look away from his piercing blue eyes unsuccessfully. “I am here now. What do you want to do?”
I thought all of those times I had seen him on cam, and in pictures were as good as it gets. I was so wrong.
He brushed my black hair over my shoulder. I shuddered.
“Hey I found a really cool place back by the woods in the park, let’s walk and talk” he said, looking confused.
We walked and I talked. I explained everything. The good, the bad, and the ugly all came out.
“So you were still sleeping with him?” He looked angry “While we were together?”
“Only a few times, I was thinking about you though” I admitted.
He was silent as we walked. I ran out of things to say.
“I get it” he said. “The only question I have is, Do you want to be with me now?”
Chills went up and down my body. I could feel myself getting wet. My face flushed.
He grabbed me and threw me to the ground in one swift move.
I moaned as he took his jeans off. I watched his beautiful body move gracefully.
He crawled on top of my kissing my neck and rubbing my arched back.
It felt like a dream.
I could feel his hardness and it sent shivers up my spine. I was writhing and panting so hard I completely forgot where I was. I forgot who I was. I felt like every inch of my body was tingling…On fire.
“No!” I sat up. Jake…I can’t do this. I can’t. He will never forgive me. I love him. My thoughts were like a whirlwind in my head. “Please, I’m sorry…I can’t do this.”
“I love you baby, I will never hurt you” he cooed in my ear.
“Please Kaleb, if you love me…Stop. I need to think.” I cried. Tears of confusion were forming in the corner of my eyes.
“I need you now. I can’t wait anymore.” He growled.
He pulled my dress up. I fought.
He covered my mouth. I panicked.
I fought harder than I have ever fought in my life and it was nothing for him to overpower. Effortlessly he held me, I was nothing to him. I struggled to move my arms and legs. He grew aggravated with my feeble efforts and pushed hard against me, showing me the full power of his strength. It’s as if he was trying to show me that fighting was pointless.
“Please babe, I need you, don’t fight this.” He cooed in my ear sending shock waves through my body.
The shock of my own need hit me like a brick.
I closed my eyes.
This is going to happen to me, I thought. Oh my god I am going to be raped during broad daylight with a dozen people within screaming range. Ohmygod I can get through this, Scream Miranda.
He let go of my mouth for a second. I immediately screamed.
“None of that” he smiled. “You are feisty, why don’t you just let go” He took two fingers under my thongs and plunged them deep inside of me.
I sat up against his strength for a moment. Electricity jolting through my body gave me animal strength. I immediately succumbed to pleasure and he took control again pushing my back down to the ground with ease.
He positioned himself in-between my legs. Holding me down with his strength and sheer size over me.
One hand over my mouth, he fingered me until I was dripping wet. Deep inside me, a place no man has ever been so fully, filling me. A strange mix of feelings washing over me, I cried and tried to moan. I cried out of fear and moaned out of pleasure.
My free arm swung. Punching as hard as I could…I slammed into his back. He looked as though he didn’t even feel it. I felt like a small child trying to wrestle a polar bear.
He stopped finger fucking me and explored my body with his mouth and free hand. I had just about given up hope that I was going to get out of this. I couldn’t stop my mind, heart, and body from conflicting. I knew it was wrong, I knew I wanted it, I knew I felt bad…Jake…Oh my god, Jake.
More tears came flooding out.
He uncovered my mouth.
“I can’t stop baby, please just take it for me” he moaned.
“Kaleb, please, you are hurting me” I cried. “Please stop I can’t do this. You don’t have to go through with this, we can talk. I won’t tell anyone”
Tears streaming down my face. What had I done? This is all my fault.
“I won’t hurt you. When I’m done you won’t want to tell anybody. I promise. I told you a hundred times that when I first saw you I was going to have you right then”
Slowly tracing my body with his big hands he reached down between my legs again. He started rubbing my clit. I froze. I couldn’t move. He let go of his hold and moved his head down…Licking and sucking everything on the way down. He teased my clit slowly and lightly with his tongue. Barely touching me, he circled my clit until I felt like I was going to die.
I raised my hips up and buried myself into his mouth. As I came he grabbed my ass cheeks and lifted them off of the ground and though he was drinking me in. I tried to scream but nothing came out.
I fell to the ground lifeless.
What is that feeling? My heart was beating so fast. I wanted to go to him. I can’t do that, what am I nuts? This obviously insane guy is trying to rape me. I tried to reason with myself.
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