I looked into his eyes, and I could feel his words winning me over. I had always been a good judge of character. When something wasn’t right, I felt it. With James, I felt at ease. That was worth everything to me and I knew his idea was worth considering.
“I need you to listen to me Melanie,” his words snapping me back into reality. “I want to be upfront with you, even if what I’m about to tell you queers this deal.”
I smiled at him. Queers this deal? That was the first time I had ever heard the word queer used in that context. It’s going to be different being with an older man I thought.
“Yes James Dear, I’m listening,” I said sweetly.
He gave me a mock stern look. He could tell I was joking, but I made a mental note not to tease him that way until he got to know my sense of humor better.
“I’m married and I have two young children” he said softly.
My heart sank. I sensed that there was a woman in his life. I was hoping that when he was ready, he’d tell me that he was divorced. The last thing I wanted to hear was that he had a family.
“I understand,” I said, and I knew he could see the look of disappointment on my face.
“After our second child was born my wife lost interest in having sexual relations with me. Now we only have sex a couple of times a year and even when we do, it’s not that good. I’ve tried everything to change the way she feels, but nothing has worked.” He looked down, unable to look into my eyes as he continued, “My children mean the world to me, and I love them dearly, and I’d never put them through a divorce. So whatever happens between us, I want you to know that I’ll never leave my wife.”
We sat silently for a few minutes contemplating what the other had said. I didn’t expect any of this when I agreed to go to lunch with him. Maybe I should have put on that crumpled dress and left when I woke up. Maybe I needed to get up from the table, leave now, and never see him again.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized how complicated this situation was. Our lives were messy and neither of us was perfect. That much was obvious. The more I thought, the more I kept asking myself one simple question. Did it feel right being with him? That question was very easy to answer. It did.
I looked him in the eyes and smiled. “I’m in James.”
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