Janet and I grew closer to Linda and to Denise. All of us told the others of our fears and of our dark secrets. This group played together as well as gave support to each other. This group was a well-oiled unit with Jack as our leader. When I was alone with the others I would ask them what was the link that tied Jack to all of them as well as to Janet and I. What was he hiding?
When ever I asked any of them that I always got the same response, “It is not our place to tell or talk without him talking first.”
Summer and fall passed as the snow came early that year. It was Nov 4, 1979. Granma, Frank, Michelle, Janet, Jack and I were watching TV when our show was interrupted. The TV reporter told us of hostages taken in Iran. My eyes went from the TV to Jack. His eyes went from the loveliest shade of blue to the darkest black I had ever seen as anger and hate flushed over his face.
“You all will pay for that,” Jack said with his eyes glued to the TV.
“What did you say Jack?” I asked looking at him.
He turned to me as he replied, “We all will pray,” then he walked from the house.
“Dear god not again,” grandma said looking to Jack as he walked by her walking out the back door.
I heard his truck start up and I ran to the back door. All I saw was a dust cloud as his truck roared up our ranch road. I looked down beside me to see Michelle standing by me.
She looked up at me as she asked, “Where is daddy going?”
“Go play Michelle he will be back,” I said to her as grandma walked out into the kitchen.
Once Michelle was out of the room, I went to grandma who was standing at the sink with her back to me. I turned her around to face me. Tears were flowing freely from her eyes rolling down her cheeks.
“What is it grandma? What is wrong? What is going on?” I asked her.
Frank walked into the kitchen and wrapped grandma in his arms. She cried and sobbed into his shoulder. Frank rubbed his hand at her back telling her everything would be all right. I looked to Frank as he looked to me.
“Jack is on his way to right another wrong,” Frank said to me.
Grandma cried even more into his shoulder. I told Frank I did not understand. I asked him to explain all of this to me. Grandma lifted her head from his shoulder.
“Jack’s eyes they were the same as the day he ran off to fight in the Vietnam War,” grandma said to me as she sobbed once again.
I turned to the hallway leading into the kitchen. Janet stood there with tears running down her face as she held Michelle’s hand. Michelle looked to Janet then to grandma and Frank.
She looked to me then as she asked, “What is Vietnam War and where is my daddy?”
“It is a past that your daddy must make right,” I replied as I took her hand and walked her into the living room.
I sat her next to me on the sofa as I explained to her what not only the Vietnam War was but any war. I explained to her that her daddy was in the army reserves and if called upon he would go right the wrongs of others. Michelle jumped from my arms and the sofa.
She turned to me as she yelled, “They can not take him he promised never to leave me or to leave you mommy,” before she ran crying up the steps to her bedroom.
Janet sat down next to me giving me comfort as I cried. I told her I now knew what the link was between Jack and the others. I also knew his secret. He feels as if he had left everyone down in the last war because of his actions not only over there but also to me back here. To him it was his duty to right the wrongs of his past. He had made good on one of them, which was I.
“He must now right his wrongs from the Vietnam War,” I said to Janet wiping my tears.
The phone rang and Janet answered it. It was Sam on the other end. She gave me the phone. He asked me if Jack had heard. I told him he had and he had left home.
“Ann, our unit has been placed on stand by alert,” Sam said to me.
“What does that mean?” I asked him.
“It means all of us including Jack are on active duty now,” Sam said to me on the phone. I did not reply as he added, “Jack, wanted to tell you Ann as we all knew something was going to happen with all the unrest over there lately.”
“Is that what you kept telling him that he had to tell me?” I asked him.
“Yes Ann but Jack knew if it happened he would be breaking his promise to you,” Sam replied.
I turned to see Jack standing in the hallway. I told Sam I had to go as Jack was back. I hung up the phone and went to Jack. He stared down at me as I stared up at him. I drew back my hand and I slapped him as hard as I could across his face.
“You promised me Jack,” I yelled. I slapped him again, as I added, “You promised your little one you would never leave us.” “You are breaking your promise to us both.”
I went to slap him again but this time he grabbed my hand as he said, “Ann, I made a promise to myself long before I promised you.” Jack hung his head then lifted it as he added, “I promised myself someday to right the wrong I caused in the world,” “I righted the wrong I did to you and now I must fix another one.”
“Jack, you own nothing to anyone as you did no wrong during that war,” I said to him.
“It is not to them I owe it too but to myself,” Jack replied. “Please understand that Ann,” he added looking deeply into my eyes as he released my hand.
I looked deeply back into his eyes. They filled with sorrow, despair and anguish. His eyes told me a story without words coming from his mouth. They told me this was something he had to do not for others but for himself. They told if he did not he could not live with himself. I could tell by that look that I was wasting my breath for this was something he would do with or without my OK but I had to try to stop him if I could.
“I was hoping you would get out of the reserves this year.” “You have four years active duty and almost three years in the reserves,” I replied to him looking into his eyes.
I knew from that distance look in his eyes I was fighting a losing battle. His pride or his call to duty always won out in our talks of him getting out of the military for good. It was bad enough Jack had to be gone one weekend a month and two weeks in the summer.
However, I was not prepared for him going back onto active duty and maybe returning to war. I tried to reason with him telling him a hundred and one reasons why he could not do this. Each reason I told him, he had a reasonable reply too. I finally gave up looking deeply into his eyes once more.
I rubbed my hand to the side of his face as I asked, “When do you have to leave?”
“I have to report to the base in 24 hours,” Jack replied.
“OH Jack,” I said as I threw my arms around his waist and buried my face into his chest.
I cried as he held me in his arms. I was not for sure if this was our last embrace. Visions of war and of losing him filled my head. I started to tremble as he held me realizing my greatest fear could come true.
Jack rubbed his hand into my back as he replied, “It is probably nothing Ann we will be on alert for a few days and then I will return home.”
I felt a pair of arms wrapping around my legs. I looked down to see Michelle standing at the side of us hugging her daddy and me. I turned as John opened his left arm taking Janet into his arms as well. Janet and I sobbed into his chest as Michelle sobbed with her head against his thigh.
Jack rubbed his hands at our backs then on Michelle’s head as he said, “This will all be over before it begins you will see.”
The next day we all stood out on the back porch as we watched Jack drive down our ranch road onto the highway. Michelle running behind his truck telling him she loved him. Frank held grandma as she cried and gave her comfort. Janet held me and I held her giving us both the comfort we needed.
I thought we would hear from Jack later that day however we did not. The hours waiting for him to call us turned into days. After five days, we all were out in the stable taking care of the horses when the stable door swung open. Jack walked in dressed in his army flight suit.
Michelle ran to him screaming, “Daddy your home, daddy your home.”
Jack picked her up and as Michelle wrapped her arm around his neck hugging him he replied, “Yes little one I am home but only for the weekend.”
I looked to him not knowing exactly what that meant but I ran to him. He took me into his other arm as Michelle and I hugged and kissed him. He asked me where the others were and I told him in town getting supplies.
“Let’s go into the house the horses can wait,” Jack said walking me into the house.
Jack sat me then Michelle down at the kitchen table. He started to say something when Grandma ran into the kitchen throwing her arms around him. After her, Janet threw her arms around him. Jack looked to Frank after releasing Janet.
“Hey a handshake will do just fine,” Frank said as he stuck out his hand to Jack.
I asked Jack what was going on and why was he back home. I also asked him why he had not called us. Jack told us it took the army this long to get him and the others back into the system. He told us they all had to pass physicals and everything else. He told us they had shipped them from Fort Campbell to a base in Washington D.C. to do all of this and they were not allowed to call or leave while there.
Jack told us he was going to be assigned to Fort Campbell along with Sam, Will, and Scott. He told us as of right now they have no role in anything other than to train. Jack told us they would be training five days a week but he would have the weekends free. He told us he would live on the base through the week and return home to be with us on the weekends as his base was only a couple hundred miles away from our home.
That was OK with us all as at least we would see him. I asked him for how long this was to be. Jack looked to the ground then lifted his head. I saw that look in his eyes that look of him not wanting to tell me something.
“At least for the next four years as I have reenlisted,” Jack said to me.
I did not say anything I just stared at him. I finally turned from him and walked up stairs to our bedroom. I sat upon our bed with my head in my hands. No tears filled my eyes only worry filled my mind. Jack came in and closed the door behind him as he did.
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