I could feel Mike’s eyes on me from across the room even now. I didn’t know what I was going to do.
“Sorry, I gotta go.” I said quickly, standing up.
I jammed my hands into my pockets and walked quickly to the other end of the cafeteria, hoping against hope that Mike wouldn’t follow me. I was just blindly fleeing with no plan or purpose. I made it out of the building and sped up, hoping to reach the library before he caught up.
Suddenly I felt a heavy clap on my shoulder.
“Come on.” growled Mike, dragging me to the side.
He walked me back around behind the cafeteria. What could I do? He was obviously faster than me. I couldn’t out run him, God know’s I couldn’t fight him off. I just let myself be led, feeling like a lamb heading towards the slaughter.
In a less poetic sense, it felt exactly like heading into an exam that you knew you hadn’t done enough studying for. The exact same sinking feeling in the pit of the stomach.
We reached the spot, and he slammed me against the wall.
“What did I say, bitch?” he snarled, pressing his meaty hand into my chest.
“Why does it matter?” I blurted out, my voice high and whiny.
“What?” he said, anger darkening his expression further.
“She dumped you, right?” I said, thinking quickly, “What does it matter if I sit with her? I’m not even sitting with her, I’m sitting with my sister!”
I struggled against him, trying to escape his grip. He pushed back hard, pinning me to the wall. Then he slapped me across the cheek.
The sudden explosion of stinging pain shocked me into silence. Suddenly the fear and apprehension I’d been feeling exploded and multiplied. This guy could seriously hurt me.
“Listen, faggot, I don’t care if the only reason you’re at that table is because you want to suck Frank Dorian’s cock. You stay the fuck away from Jessica, you got it?” he growled.
I still hadn’t recovered from the slap, and I felt tears brimming up in my eyes. I briefly thought that I hadn’t known Frank’s last name until just now.
Mike leaned in close, hissing in my ear;
“Don’t go near her again.”
He walked away, leaving me alone. I pushed my back against the wall and slid to the ground. I felt weirdly numb, and I barely registered the sound of the lunch bell coming from the window high above me.
I slowly picked myself up and walked to class, only remembering at the last second where I’d left my books, and having to double back to get them.
The rest of the day passed in kind of a weird shock. I felt mostly numb except for the fear. Why did he scare me so much? He was just a guy. Just some asshole. Yet the feeling of him holding me against that wall, of being utterly helpless…it made me sick to my stomach.
I didn’t know what I was going to do. How could I be with Jessica when I was so afraid of what might happen with Mike?
That evening, a few hours after dinner, I was in bed listening to music and trying to ignore my problems, just like always.
I jumped when my door opened and Jessica peeked her head around it. It had been a while since I’d seen her in the house on a Thursday. I took my headphones off.
“Uh, hi. Rose wanted me to ask if you’re coming tonight.” she said.
She seemed unsure of how to act in my room, knowing we couldn’t be our usual selves with Rose just downstairs.
“Uh…” I said. I didn’t know what she meant.
“Josh’s party? Rose wants you to come, and she asked me to ask you…” she nervously brushed her hair behind her ear, “I guess she really wants me and you to be friends. I have to tell you how fun it’s all going to be…” she trailed off, laughing lightly.
She was so nervous around me. She looked at me with such adoration in her eyes, such vibrant hope. But I couldn’t do with any distractions.
“No.” I choked out. “No, I’m not going.”
She looked at me for a second before walking to my bed and sitting down.
“It really will be fun. It’s…I mean, it’s kind of low-key, you know? Just sitting around, listening to music, getting a little tipsy on some cheap beer…it’s a good night.” she said, leaning closer to me.
“No thanks. Not my thing.” I said.
She put her hand on my shoulder and wrapped her other around my arm.
“Come on…” she said coaxingly, “It’ll be great, I promise.”
From nowhere, rage built up inside me and exploded to the surface. How dare she disobey me? How dare she even touch me without my permission?
I pulled roughly away from her, getting off the bed.
“Get the fuck off me, slut.” I growled, “Don’t fucking cling to me, you’re always so clingy.”
The words had no real meaning behind them, to me. I just wanted to hurt her.
“I…I’m sorry, Sir.” she said quietly, standing with me.
But her voice had a certain tone to it that I recognised. She’d slipped into submissive mode, and it was obvious I’d excited her a little bit.
“That turned you on, didn’t it? God, Jessica, aren’t you embarrassed to act like this? Doesn’t it humiliate you to talk like that?” I said, my voice dripping with acid.
Her eyes widened in shock. She struggled to answer, pulling back from me slightly.
“It’s pathetic, Jessica.” I said, staring into her eyes.
She acted like I’d slapped her for a second, then anger suddenly flared across her expression, that familiar look that I used to fear so much.
“You think I don’t know that?” she asked, “You think I don’t look at myself and just…Of course it’s pathetic…it’s disgusting, the way I act around you…”
She hesitated for a second, and her expression softened. She looked down, unsure of herself.
“But…but it’s Ok, right? Because…because it’s what I want…” she stepped closer to me, “Because I’m a…I’m your…slut, and…I love you.”
My anger ignited again, spewing out of me.
“You love this!” I shouted, roughly grabbing my crotch, “You love my cock. You’re a slut that just loves to be fucked, and you don’t give a shit about me!”
“That’s not true!” she said, “I love you, I do…You own me and I love you.”
She lurched forward to grab me, but I slapped her hand away. She stopped, and there was a second of heated silence.
“Get the fuck out, Jessica.” I ordered roughly.
She stared at me, tears brimming in her eyes. I kept her gaze and I could feel my own rage pouring out of me in waves. She faltered, and quickly left, slamming the door behind her.
I felt my breath and pulse quicken, and another wave of hot molten rage and frustration burned up inside me. I grunted and growled at nothing, slamming my fists down on my desk over and over. It hurt, but I didn’t care.
I knew why I’d lashed out at her. It wasn’t Jessica I was angry at.
Mike.
The name echoed in my head and his stupid, smug face flashed in my memory. Except it wasn’t fear I felt this time, it was just more rage.
Fuck him. Fuck him and his strength, and his size, and his domineering will.
I was going to deal with him tomorrow. Friday. Then I’d force Jessica down that night and make her scream with pleasure and pain in a way he never could.
I slowly settled my nerves, and tried to think of a solution.
Unfortunately, the next day came and I still didn’t have one. I’d thought about it all night, but there was nothing I could think of. It went without saying that no teachers would be involved, and although I guessed Frank could probably take him in a fight, I wasn’t about to drag some people I barely knew into saving my ass for me.
I’d settle this myself.
I was still mulling the problem over when I walked into Math the next afternoon, the period before lunch. I thought that I had one last class to think this through when I looked up and saw Mike sitting in his usual seat staring out the window. Of course, he was in my Math class.
I sat down in the opposite corner and felt adrenaline suddenly pump into my veins. I gritted my teeth as my anger flared up again. Just thinking about him pissed me off.
Whatever I was going to do, I was going to do it now.
I turned to look at him. Ms Kallis was rambling on about something in her timid little voice, and he wasn’t even paying attention. But then, neither was I.
I wanted him to look at me. I was going to confront him today. Right now. I was done with feeling like a scared little boy.
As I glared at the back of his head, he suddenly turned and caught my eye. He looked puzzled for a second, probably taken aback my angry expression. I quickly raised my middle finger to him and held it there, watching as the fury and surprise lit up his face. He looked like he wanted to beat my ass in the middle of the classroom.
Well, why wait?
I made a jerking motion with my head towards the door. I was calling him out.
“Ms Kallis?” I said, raising my hand.
She looked up at me, surprised at the interruption.
“Uh…yes?”
“I need to go to the bathroom.” I said standing up, not waiting for an answer.
She nodded meekly as I walked towards her, and left through the door on her right. I dug my hands into my pockets and hurried along the corridor to the male bathroom. I walked in to the small room, only containing a few urinals and one stall, as well as two sinks. I walked to the centre of the room, in front of the sinks with my back to the cubical wall, and turned to face the door.
I could see myself in the mirrors over the sinks. I didn’t look ready for this. I looked afraid. And my eyes widened further in terror as I heard heavy footsteps approach the door.
Suddenly it burst open, and the huge bulk of Mike stormed in.
“You!” he growled, and lunged forward.
He punched me squarely in the chest, hard. I felt the breath being pushed out of me, and a deep pain shocked my body. I stumbled backwards and slammed against the cubical.
“What the fuck, faggot!? You wanna go?” he exclaimed angrily.
I regained my footing, and stared into his eyes.
“Fuck you.” I said, my voice sounding surprisingly steady.
He bellowed with rage and lashed out again, delivering a crashing blow to the ribs on my right, and another to my still painful chest. I didn’t try to dodge, or defend myself in any way. I couldn’t. He was too big, too fast. He’d probably beaten up a hundred guys like me for fun, and I’d never even thrown a punch. So I took the hits, and was once again thrown back against the cubical, crashing hard against it and causing it to shake and clatter. Before I could get my footing, he threw another punch out that smashed into my mouth.
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