Skylar arched an eyebrow and gave me an appraising look. “Has it ever occurred to you that you’re allowed to turn her down?”
I blinked. “What?”
“I mean it: Have you seriously never thought of saying ‘no’?”
I chuckled and immediately shook my head. “Never for a second. I love these girls.”
“Does that include Isabela? Do you also love her? The last time I asked, I thought you said that after a promising start full of chemistry, your relationship with her never really took off.”
“It didn’t. Isabela’s made clear she’s just using me for sex. Don’t get me wrong: she’s gorgeous and sexy and it’s… it’s fun.”
Skylar smirked and parroted, “I smell a ‘but’ coming…”
I chuckled and finished, “But it’s pretty mechanical. Feels like I’m just going through the motions, you know? There’s nothing emotional between us. There’s no ‘there’ there.”
“If that’s the case, then why don’t you turn her down?”
“It’s not that simple. She’s always with Belle, for one thing, and it’s not like I’m gonna turn down Belle.”
“Why not?”
I waggled my head. “Well… I suppose it’s more that I’d never let myself fail the girls. I’m the only one with ‘the right equipment’, for one thing. And I’d never want them to go looking elsewhere for some other dude to provide them with the right equipment, you know?”
“You wouldn’t be failing the girls if you wanted to take a break every now and again,” Skylar reasoned. “Any girl who would cheat on you over your occasional need to take a break wouldn’t be a girl worth keeping in the first place.”
“I know, I know.”
“Your words say, ‘I know’,” she said dubiously, “but I don’t think you really do. And you were the one who just brought up fearing the girls would go looking for some other guy if you somehow ‘failed’ to please them.”
“A slip of the tongue.”
“That is quite the slip.”
“I’m not actually worried about the girls looking elsewhere,” I insisted. “Sam’s too busy to spend time with me, let alone spend time with some other guy. Neevie’s the very definition of loyal devotion.”
I think Skylar expected me to just keep on rattling off girls’ names, but when I paused, she arched her eyebrows and led me, “And Belle?”
My eyes flared, my spine straightened, and I clenched my teeth together to prevent myself from snapping at Skylar.
She immediately held up her hands. “I’ll take that as a ‘no’.”
“It’s not a… I mean… Belle’s…” I sighed, looked away, and shook my head.
“You look conflicted,” Skylar remarked quietly.
“I am conflicted,” I admitted.
“Would you be as conflicted about Isabela?”
I snorted immediately and shook my head.
“Well that answers my question,” she drawled, chuckling at my expression.
“Isabela’s a free spirit and I know full-well I have no claim to her heart… or her body.” I shrugged. “She’s welcome to do as she pleases.”
“Does that also go for Eva?”
I shrugged. “Eva’s in her own category: still struggling to let herself be vulnerable with me. I seriously doubt she has any interest in looking for any other guys.”
Skylar’s eyebrows went up. “So that just leaves Lily.”
I sighed. “I don’t get to worry about Lily anymore.”
“Sure you do.” The blonde gave me a sympathetic look. “She may have chosen to take a break from your relationship, and she may even have chosen to break things off completely for good, but you still have the right to worry about her if you want to.”
I sagged in my seat. “I just look back and think about all the things I could’ve done differently — all the ways in which I should’ve been better. I wasn’t good enough: simple as that.”
Skylar smirked. “What? You think you weren’t good enough at fucking her brains out, so she left you to find some other dude to provide her with the right equipment?”
“No, of course not.” I rolled my eyes.
Skylar laughed and shrugged. But then she sighed and gave me a rueful look. “I have to ask, though: What was it, exactly, that made Lily so special to you?”
I blinked. “Huh?”
Skylar shrugged. “You’ve spent enough time telling me about your girls for me to get a sense of their importance to you. The depth of your love for Neevie, Sam, and Belle has been quite clear. You have a protective instinct over Eva right now, even if not necessarily love. You’re just going through the motions and there was no ‘there’ there with Isabela. Was there ever a ‘there’ there with Lily?”
“-I- thought there was,” I insisted. “Now maybe it never quite got to the depths of kipona aloha, but I still thought we were on that path.”
“Kipo-what?”
I smiled. “Hawaiian for ‘deep, intense love’. Lily taught me that. But that sort of love takes time, and we ultimately didn’t last long enough to get there.”
“Did you want to?”
“I did.”
“Are you sure?” Skylar looked at me skeptically. “Like I said: I knew you had deep, kipo-something love for Neevie, Sam, and Belle. Yet whenever you talked about Lily, you seemed happy that she was happy. She was fresh and energetic and new and… well… that was it. Now I’ve barely met the girl and can’t claim to know her innermost thoughts or anything, but from what you and Neevie have told me, she’s nothing like Isabela. I picture Lily as a true romantic at heart who wants a man who will love her completely — not a guy who only performs his duty in order to keep her from looking elsewhere for some other guy with the right equipment.”
I frowned and started to protest, “I didn’t only perform my duty in order to–”
“I think perhaps your relationship with Lily was much the same as Neevie told me your relationship was like with her,” Skylar interrupted.
“Like with Neevie?” I asked, confused.
“Like your first relationship with Neevie: full of passion and sex and… well… not much substance beyond that. Neevie told me about calling out her ex-boyfriend’s name, and how that was the pin that burst the bubble of your relationship and made you stop and reconsider whether or not you’d ever truly loved her in the first place.” Skylar shrugged and regarded me seriously. “Perhaps in much the same way, Belle breaking up with her blew away Lily’s cloud of good feelings, and made her reevaluate her relationship with you in clear daylight. It made Lily realize how shallow your relationship was — realize it was a relationship built on passion and sex and not necessarily true love for a boy whose attention was getting split six ways.”
I sighed and sat back in my seat, nodding my agreement. “Perhaps. But then again, Neevie and I still found our way back to each other, and we’re better than ever.”
“Good for you — for both of you. It’s clear just how much you and Neevie mean to each other. I just have to ask: Is that truly what you want with Lily as well?”
I knitted my eyebrows and pondered that question.
“Regardless of whether or not it’s what YOU truly want,” Skylar continued without waiting for me, “you have to consider what would be truly best for her. Perhaps the romantic at heart who wants a man who will love her completely deserves the chance to move on to some other guy — or some other girl — who can really give her the kind of all-consuming love her young heart is looking for.”
I sighed, nodded, and pondered that.
“Do YOU want to keep your cute and sexy Hawaiian sweetheart because you truly want to build a lasting, loving relationship with her? Or do you merely like her ‘enough’, and having caught her rather accidentally because you two happened to meet up right before school started and simply want to keep as many girls as you can get your hands on? ‘Gotta catch ’em all’, right?”
I narrowed my eyes and scowled a bit at Skylar. But she merely shrugged and stared expectantly back at me. And after a somewhat pregnant pause of silence, I finally exhaled and muttered, “The girls aren’t Pokémon.”
“I agree. You seem to be having trouble keeping up with the ones you have as it is.” She gave me a sympathetic look and stated sagely, “You look tired, Matty. You really should try to get more rest. I’m serious: tell the girls you need a break.”
I shrugged helplessly. “I can’t. It’s just… I like making the girls happy.”
The blonde snickered and shook her head. “Good lord those girls have got you well-trained. Seriously, though, if you’re not up for it, you’re not up for it.”
I gave her a somewhat cocky smirk. “I’m clearly always ‘up for it’.”
Skylar shook her head like I didn’t understand. “Turn it around for a second: if you wanted to fuck Neevie, but she wasn’t really in the mood–”
“Of course I’d never make her,” I stated insistently. “Although come to think of it, I don’t think that’s ever actually happened.”
“In theory…”
I waggled my head. “In theory, of course you’re right. But in practice, I honestly can’t think of a single instance where I asked but a girl turned me down. For one thing, they’re the ones always doing the initiating. And I don’t like the idea of me being the first one to ever turn one of them down, either.”
“You’re exhausted right now. If Neevie were here, I’d tell her she needs to call a BTC committee meeting and pass a motion that they all let you rest for a few days.”
I exhaled slowly and sagged in my seat. “A few days’ rest sounds amazing. But honestly, we’re less than two days away from Thanksgiving break. I figure if I can just stop thinking about school, I’ll have one less thing to worry about, you know? I can manage until then.”
Skylar eyed me skeptically and then drawled sardonically, “Of course… How could I not have realized… The girls are totally gonna say, ‘Hey, we don’t have classes for a few days, let’s NOT have a holiday orgy and do our best to drain Matty dry.'”
I gave her another rueful grin. “You’re probably right.”
“I know I’m right. For one thing, Neevie told me she was planning a holiday orgy, yesterday afternoon while you were taking a nap.”
“She did?”
Skylar shrugged. “I suppose I should’ve kept that a surprise. On the other hand, if you actually expected any different, you’re far less intelligent than I originally thought.”
I rolled my eyes. “Well any holiday orgy would have to wait until the weekend at least, given that we’re splitting up and going back home for the holidays.”
Skylar frowned. “I thought you were planning to stay in Berkeley. Your mother is in New York, right?”
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