“I killed a man. I know he was an evil man and he killed Sylvia. However, I killed him. I took a life. How can any of you even stand to be around me, a killer?” she said no longer holding back her sobs.
Reese and Ron arrived just in time to hear her say that, Reese going to Kara kneels down in front of her lifts her face forcing Kara to look her directly in the eyes. Reese asks, “Do you feel the same way about me?” Kara instantly shakes her head no. Reese gives her no more time before she continues, “I have killed a lot more than just one person, and I am not sure if they were good or bad. I do know they were trying to kill me, and the people I love. I did not have a choice. You did not have a choice.”
Ron looking over his wife’s shoulder asks, “Am I a killer to be shunned?” Kara again shook her head no. Ron continued, “I did my best to defend the ones I was to protect. That is all you did, I know from what I have seen, what JJ has told me the kick you used was not the cause of his death directly. The way he fell caused his death; the location he chose for the fight was the cause of his death. Kara you have nothing to feel guilty about, you protected the ones you love.”
Helen says, “Kara, honey, listen. You did the right thing. Moreover, for that I am so proud of you. I know I do not say it often enough or show it. Even though I am so proud of the way, you were helping Sylvia the last while before her death. The way you have been there for Cindy before and now as well, you finding yourself a good man. Finally, you bringing me two more grandchildren in the near future. All this has made me extremely proud of you. Then again I have always been proud of you, and all my children.” As she rubbed Kara’s belly she continued, ” You need to think of these two new lives growing inside of you, the fact that you show guilt and remorse over killing that ‘man’ shows you are human and full of compassion, even for someone who does not deserve it.”
Coach says, “Your Mom’s right Kara. You have made us both very proud, and again as your mother has said we may not have always shown it but we have always been proud of you,”
Helen says, “JJ, Kathryn and I had a talk the day you got shot. JJ brought to light some things that you and your other sisters have been feeling. I know it seems I have been spoiling or favoring Kathryn, and that you and your other sisters felt unappreciated or felt that we did not love you or were as proud of you as we are of Kathryn. Know this; nothing could be further from the truth. However, your father and I are working on changing your impression. I know we spend a lot of time here at Kathryn and JJ’s, and that gives off a bad impression as well, but I promise that we will be over to see you and Daniel more as well. In fact we will be spending more time with all you kids, trying to repair our relationships.”
Coach reached down and put his hand on Helen’s hand, which was still on Kara’s belly. The Coach says, “Like your sister, you are gifting us with two more grandchildren to love and spoil, it will never matter who had babies first or who was born last, every one of them will be loved equally, never again will we show signs of favoritism. You just take care of yourself.”
Kathryn kneeling down beside Reese says, “Kara, I love you my sister. However, what you have to understand you did not have a choice, and there is nothing wrong in protecting your love ones.” She turns and faces Reese and says, “You too, you protected the ones you love.” Now holding both their gaze she continues, “If you had not they would be dead. Think how you would feel if you had stood by and done nothing, you know deep down you did nothing wrong, it is time to move on. We love you my sisters we will help you get through this.”
Reese looking at Kara again says, “I know this is not something that will end now, it is something we will have to live with and deal with. It is part of being human. If you ever need someone to talk to, you know I will understand. Your family loves you; none of us think you are evil for doing only what you needed to do to protect the ones you love.”
Kathryn says, “Out of all my sisters Kara you and I are the closest, I feel that we share a bond that none of the other sisters do, I am not sure why but it is there.” With that, Kathryn pulled Kara up into a hug. Reese hugs the two, and then the Coach and Helen stood up and surrounded Reese, Ron and their daughters in a big family hug. Daniel came over to me, shook my hand then thought better, and gave me a brotherly hug, as that is what I felt he is a true brother.
Daniel says “Thanks JJ, Kathryn, Mom, Dad, Ron, and Reese. I think your words may have helped heal my wife, my soul mate, we may not yet have the kind of bond that Kathryn and JJ do yet, but I know it’s coming, we already sort of read each other’s emotions, this is why I knew Kara was troubled.”
I say, “It’s no problem Daniel. Kara remember what everyone here has said. We all love you. Now love yourself again, you too Reese. You feeling guilt is the best thing, it means you’re not a monster, just a kind, compassionate, caring young woman.”
Ron chuckles, “She is that, once you get her out of her armor.” He gets a kiss from Reese even after his little joke.
Kara says, “Thanks guys, I guess I needed this. Thank you all. Mom and Dad, you do not know how happy you have made me knowing that you are happy and proud of me. There were times I was so jealous of Kathryn, I almost ran away. I am glad I did not. Daniel thanks for dragging my sulking butt over here. It’s what I needed, I think I can finally start putting this behind me and move on, after all we have Cindy now plus two more on the way.”
I ask, “Are you guys going to find out the sexes beforehand?”
Kara says “Yes in a couple weeks I have an appointment, with the same Obstetrician that Kathryn uses. We want to know what to paint the nursery.”
“Kara what I said in class today I meant it as well. I think you should only do the katas, in a month you will be almost three months along and really showing. You having twins on your small frame is going to be hard on your body; you need to think about your babies.”
Kara says, “I know, and as much as it disappoints me I know your right.”
Kathryn points out, “Wait till you have to give up sex, I bet with twins it will be sooner than when I had to.”
Kara giggles and says, “Gee thanks sis, something to look forward to. That and in a few months trying to find a prom dress that will fit.”
Now laughing Kathryn says, “Wait until Graduation Sis, when you have to waddle across the stage to get your diploma.”
“Waddle! Why you…” then Kara stopped and laughed and grabbed her sister in a big hug. It was nice seeing the two sisters being closer than ever.
Reese giggles, “I just hope I have delivered before your graduation, or you will really watch some body waddle around.”
Daniel says, “Well Guys I think we need to go pick up Cindy and get home. Thanks again JJ and Kathryn, Ron and Reese, Mom, Dad. Kara and Daniel left followed shortly after by Helen and the Coach.
I say, “That went good, and you and your sister have really become close, it makes me happy,”
Ron says, “It was only the first step, Kara has a long road to walk yet.”
Charles and Mitch had arrived and allowed us to talk without interrupting, Mitch says, “Kara seems to be doing well considering, although she may just be putting on a show to make you feel better. We will have to give her our support, and our understanding what she is going through does not end overnight. It has been three years and I still have nightmares. It may not be that bad for Kara, and I truly hope so. Although we will have to always, be mindful of Kara, her triggers once we learn them, and help her deal with it. Sometimes it does not end, and that can be frustrating, sometimes anger is misplaced and many veterans never knew why they feel the way they do.”
Kathryn shakes her head yes after considering Mitch’s remarks she says, “Yes, we will do that for Kara. Kara and I have always been somewhat close, though she did surprise me that she said she almost ran away once. I never knew she felt like that. However, those days are over, Mom and Dad are gung ho on fixing the relationship with my sisters and brothers; it is good to see the family coming together, though I will always feel closer to Kara then the others. I do not think Kara realizes how much I always looked up to her; she was never as wild as the others were. You remember the night of that party, the night we finally made love. The same night Kara was trying to offer herself to you. She told me a while back she was glad it did not happen. She was able to save herself for her soul mate. Before that I always assumed she was like Michelle and Maria and just having sex with different guys, I never knew she was a virgin till her and Daniel got together, I was wrong.”
With a smile, I reply, “Out of all your sisters Kara is the one I feel closest to as well. In addition, I too am glad she found her soul mate but like you, I never suspected that she was a virgin for Daniel. Guess that makes it even more special for the two of them.” A few minutes’ later Crystal and Sam came wandering from the playhouse.
Sam with bright eyes says, “Daddy what you guys said to Aunt Kara must have worked, she was happy. Aunt Kara tickled Cindy. Cindy said that was the first time in a long time that Aunt Kara played with her like that.”
Crystal asks, “Daddy, Friday night Cindy has invited us over to spend the night with her, can we go please?”
Kathryn smiles and I know she has given her okay. I reply putting on a sad face, “I am going to miss my big girls. They are going away tomorrow night. I guess I will just have to cuddle up really close to Kathryn.” Sam and Crystal giggle at my little show, they do know that is just an act and it is my way of telling them it is okay.
Things seem to improve for Kara, although we did take Mitch’s advice, we watch for things that would trigger her mood changes. We were careful about mentioning Sylvia, we found Kara had two other triggers, one was a shotgun the other a dime. We did our best to avoid Kara’s triggers and that gave her a little time to decompress.
Leave a Reply