I had no idea if he bought it, judging by the bulge in his shorts I wasn’t entirely sure. “That feels so much better Marc, thank you, you really do have magic hands” he laughed and replied “not just a pretty face, there’s brains behind this brawn, that sports science degree isn’t all for nothing you know” I smiled, but was distracted by his bulge, what would it look like, or feel like compared to Biggies dildo? I snapped the image from my head and realised that I was blushing deeply, although almost as much as him as he realised where I was looking.
Thinking quickly I thanked him and got up, turning away from him to hide my embarrassment and did some stretches against the bench. Once I’d cooled down I tuned back to him and thanked him again, gently squeezing his arm. The energy had shifted, usually I was the one with the upper hand, but now we were on a level playing field, both a little uncomfortable, there was a little pause where we were just looking at each other, not eye to eye but just in the moment.
He broke it by clearing this throat, and speaking with an uneasy voice “would you like to meet up sometime?” I looked, suddenly like a deer in the headlights, he’d caught me off guard and I wasn’t expecting it. He sensed my hesitation and quickly added “you know, for a run or something”, I smiled, not wanting to add any more complication to my life, just meeting for runs was fine, not like a date or anything.
As I processed his question I found my head nodding automatically, “yeah, that would be great, maybe we could run in a different park?”. His apprehension waned a little and he beamed a smile back at me “I can just text you the location and we can meet up whenever is a good time for you” he said expectantly, it was now my turn to blush again as I realised he was asking me for my number.
I gave it to him before pulling out my phone from my running pouch to check that he had it right, his test message came through and I replied with a smiley face and a kiss. I was completely on the back foot, and he checked his watched commented that he was going to be late for a client at the gym, and said we’ll have to message each other. Still a little stunned he gave me a hug, wrapping me in his big chunky arms, I automatically slipped mine round his waist our sweaty bodies pressed against each other briefly before he parted, and started to run off, waving a few paces later.
I just stood there in shock, my phone still in hand unable to take in that someone had basically just asked me out, I’d never been asked out like that, although I guess you could count Ellie as kind of asking me out the day before. I felt strange, embarrassed? No, excited? Maybe a little. This was crazy, I was so used to being the one to leave him standing like an idiot on my doorstep and here I was gawping at him running off into the distance.
Could my week get any crazier? my trance was broken as my phone buzzed in my hand, a message from Ellie who had clearly just woken up. It snapped me out of the situation and we had a little back and forth talking about what we did the night before, how much fun it was, and how we should absolutely do it again, but maybe with something to eat before the alcohol.
Mentioning that I was out for a run and her not believing me, I snapped a selfie and sent it to her, only afterwards realising that not only could you see the glistening sweat on my chest, but the angle and way I was standing gave the distinct impression that my nipples were erect, even through the padding of the sports bra.
In an attempt to not draw too much attention to that, I asked if she wanted to get a bite to eat, something to soak up the hangover, which she was clearly still suffering from. We’d meet at the usual café in a couple of hours as she insisted that she needed a good soak in the bath before even thinking of leaving the house.
I ran home, suddenly with even more to think about than when I went out for a run, rather than taking time out to get my head straight I was adding to it. What was the deal with Marc, had he wanted to ask me out properly and then changed it to going for a run? And what about that massage? I could feel my body respond even though I didn’t want to admit it. Maybe I was just so depraved of human touch that anyone touching me would illicit the same response? I hoped so, but that would all have to wait for now, I had something I wanted to check back at the flat.
Arriving home, I went straight to the computer, I just had this feeling that Ellie must have known about me not feeling great because of the message I posted online, but she could only know that if she was following me and therefore had seen me, that is, seen all of me without any clothes on.
I logged in, my heart pounding in my chest, what if she knew? She must have done right, it can’t be a coincidence? I found my follower list, in it there was a breakdown to view regular users, fans, contributors and also other performers. With the full list loaded up, I typed in the search for her username. Sure enough, right there on screen it was. Holy shit! She’s seen me, like, ALL of me. My heart near enough beating through my chest, not only that, I could see the date she subscribed at and it was ages ago, she’s been watching me for ages?
I realised that when I signed up, and found her all those months ago, I’d subscribed too, if she was watching her followers she would have seen, had she been watching all this time? Had she seen all of my journey? This was crazy, even more crazy than Marc asking me out.
I sat back in the chair, astonished. She knew! She knew, and she still wanted to meet me, this was insane. I got up and paced the apartment, I was filled with a mad rush of adrenaline, what did this even mean? She had practically said last night that she was pansexual, did that mean that she was into me? It must right?
I raced back and forth, my hands trembling. This would explain a lot, why she seemed so comfortable talking to me those first times we met, how she was the one who came up to me at the cafe, she already knew me! And now we were going to go and have lunch at the same place. I was giddy with excitement, but I would have to play it cool. She obviously didn’t know that I knew.
Now I had to get ready, this was a date after all. Well it wasn’t, but it was for me. Fuck I was panicking, I’d never had a girl like Ellie interested in me before, but was she interested because she’d seen me on cam? And then crept in everything else, the job and Marc, all vying for my headspace, this was too much, I could feel my anxiety rising, the old me becoming overwhelmed, I should cancel.
I sat on the sofa paralysed by what to do, my eyes rested on the shelf by the TV and one of my meditation books. I took a breath and realised I needed to take a step back, relax and calm myself down. I put on a relaxing soundtrack. Laid on the floor and drew a slow, deep lung full of air. In and then out again, gradually my focus came back, my nerves reigned in and I began to ease away the self-doubt.
I continued for a few moments, allowing myself to re-centre, I sat up in the lotus position and took some more slow breaths. Eventually clarity filled my mind, as I had decided earlier in the day, I would just take this week as a time to make no decisions, to go with the flow and enjoy whatever happened. Right now I had the opportunity of a date with a girl that I really fancied, and yes, I now knew that she knew about me, but in reality that only made things more simple, I wouldn’t have to hide myself from her.
With my thoughts gathered, I showered and put on another outfit, still casual, but the jean shorts were cut-offs and the top much more strappy at the back. It was a bold outfit that I hadn’t dare wear outside yet. But I wanted something that would boost my confidence, and with any luck intimidate Ellie a bit so that the pressure wouldn’t be on me so much.
I did my makeup, with a brighter lip-gloss to finish things off, sandals on my feet with matching nail polish all round. I had to admit that I’d become a dab hand at this, checking myself out in the full length mirror always gave me a sense of pride, especially when I was aiming for a specific look. And I had nailed it.
I arrived at the café a little late, looking this good takes time I joked to myself. And I greeted Ellie with a great big hug and kisses to each cheek. Our conversation instantly fell into the format we had established, we both teased each other. I was the weird health freak who goes for a jog to clear a hangover and her being the party animal that got us both drunk when we didn’t mean to.
The entire time we were chatting my mind was replaying all the things I’d done in front of the cameras, the things she might have seen me do, the things I had seen her do. And it was having a massive effect on me. I couldn’t really concentrate on what she was saying, I would just zone out and catch myself staring at her beautiful full lips, wondering what they would feel like to kiss, to taste like, how they would feel on my engorged nipples, or wrapped around my rock hard cock.
“Snap, Snap” Ellies fingers clicked in front of my face “hello, is anybody there?” SHIT! I’d completely zoned out, how long had I been daydreaming. I mumbled and coughed trying to think of something to say, and all I could come up with is that Marc asked for my number this morning.
She looked shocked but squealed in excitement, although her face seemed to soften and frown a little. I explained that I was a little apprehensive, I wasn’t sure he was my type, or that I wanted anything to do with him, which was kind of true I guess. Feeling that I had somewhat soured the atmosphere I looped in the conversation we had had the night before. and said that I’d been thinking about what she said and that I maybe find girls attractive too.
It was now her time to be the bashful one, and with it came the surge of energy that I loved so much. Making anyone squirm with my new found confidence felt like a super power. I lead the conversation saying that I’d thought about female celebrities that I would sleep with, it seemed like an easy way into it, and she was soon back to her usual bubbly self all be it with an undertone of flirting once again making itself known.
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