Again, my brain wanted to react to his words, to the fact that he was Josh’s brother, but my body didn’t allow it. I was so close. The only thing my brain could manage was to scream his name, “Calvin fuck….oh god…fuck fuck fuck….I’m gonna come. I’m gonna come…Calvin fuck….”
“That’s it, Ami. Scream my name.” Calvin started humping himself against my leg, and the motion caused my sore nipples to rub against his shirt in the process. “I don’t give a shit that you sucked Jon off. You hear me? Josh couldn’t fuck you. Jon couldn’t fuck you, but I will.”
My brain struggled to make sense of his angry words. I must have heard him wrong. Has it all been a goddamned competition this whole time? Had I been a pawn? I tried to gather my wits so I could reply, so I could react but all the pressure that had been building up forged ahead anyways. My vision was starting to white out. I couldn’t feel the ends of my limbs. My eyes squeezed shut in anticipation of the impending rapture crashing over me. Calvin tightened his grip against my throat and gritted out, “You gonna come on my hands, Ami?”
I barely managed to nod before all the nerves under my skin exploded all at once. Calvin blocked the loud scream from escaping my mouth with his own. I whimpered helplessly against his lips and tongue and my cunt convulsed on his fingers in the aftermath. My surroundings returned to me in pieces. I could feel the sharp uneven bricks pushing into my back, then muffled sounds of the party behind Calvin, followed by the distant sound of sirens some blocks away. I blinked, trying to get my vision back. White dots floated everywhere I looked from how hard I had been squeezing my eyelids. I could feel Calvin nipping at my jaw and thumbing at both of my oversensitive nipples, one of which was getting wet from my own slick that covered the fingers he just used to fuck into me. My traitorous body exhaled a moan at the touch. “I’m gonna fuck you now, ok?” I heard him say against my collarbone as his hand moved lower and lower down my body until it finally left me.
That snapped my mind back into action and my hands flew to stop his from undoing his belt. I was still catching my breath and I couldn’t quite make words with my mouth yet, so I shook my head repeatedly. Calvin wrest his hands free from my grip to unbuckle his belt and undo the button on his pants. All of my senses suddenly returned in full to my brain. Whatever sex fog I was under moments ago completely evaporated. I was in full control of my body again.
“Calvin, you know I’m gonna have sex with you,” I said, body straightening and backing away to take my weight off of his thigh. I moved to button his pants back up and buckle his belt into place. Once done, I patted the belt buckle gently.
“What fuck Ami! What the fuck are you afraid of?” he was near shouting. From the corner of my eye, I saw a few people at the party turned to look at us.
“I’m not afraid of anything. I just don’t wanna have sex with you,” I barely had enough control to not match his mood and volume. “I’m not having sex with anyone. Not you, not your fucking brother, and not Jon. No one. I’m not doing that.”
He backed one step away from me and motioned frantically between our bodies and spat, “What the fuck was this then?”
“We made out. Doesn’t mean we’re gonna have sex, Calvin. I’m not having sex with you.”
“Stop fucking saying that! And stop fucking saying my name! All I hear is you screaming my name when you came. Just stop fucking saying it.” His hand flew up and held me by my neck again, the one that smelled like me and was still tacky from my cum. I looked directly at him, my eyes brimming with challenge. I was determined to not the one to blink or back down first. As we stubbornly held each other’s gaze, I witnessed several emotions and thoughts, maybe even lifetimes, flitted across his face. It was getting harder to breathe the longer my neck was in his grip but I would never had admitted that to him. I was going to hold his gaze until I passed out if I had to.
Calvin seemed to have reached a decision. He gave my neck one last squeeze before pushing me back against the brick wall and letting me go. “Fuck you, Ami.” He shoved my shoulders with both hands one last time for good measure, probably for his pride and started to back away from me. The shove was not hard but more symbolic like he wanted to have the last thing between us be on his term. “Fuck you, Ami. You’re not worth it anyway,” he said before turning around and walking away.
Once his back was to me and he was several steps away, I let out the breath I was holding during our stand-off and leaned my weight back into the wall behind me for support. I closed my eyes and followed the calming breathing exercise one of my teachers taught me. I flattened my palms on the rough brick to ground myself so I could come back to my body fully. I concentrated on how my boots were heavy on my feet and how they pressed flat on the surface below me. I took one last full breath and slowly opened my eyes. I blinked in the low lighting and scanned the party for the familiar silhouettes of my friends, eager to move on with my evening. Before rejoining the party, I visually checked my clothing to make sure nothing was askewed from my encounter with Calvin and made the few minor adjustments to fix my appearance. I still felt flushed and my heart hadn’t completely returned to its normal patterns yet, whether it was because of the orgasm or my stand-off with Calvin I didn’t know. I wish we hadn’t fought at the end because it cancelled out all the happy feelings I was supposed to be feeling after such an intense and full-body orgasm. For a blink I lamented not being able to do that with him again. But I also knew deep in my gut that to do that with him again would be dangerous.
A few steps later I found myself leaning over the front of the building, once again pretending to care about passers-by below. I fished out my cigarettes from the backpack that I had dropped there earlier in the evening. After lighting it, I continued to take calming breaths through the cigarette. I was having one hell of a time coming down from Calvin. Speaking of, he was back pressed up against the same young girl from before. If he hadn’t made my body feel so good and had my soaked panties not been damning evidence of it, I could have pretended that nothing had transpired since the last time I saw him in that same position. Still, tiny bits of jealousy pricked at me as I watched him work his usual magic on the girl. I couldn’t help but feel a bit smug that he probably still smelled like me and I allowed myself just a moment to revel in that triumphant feeling before reeling my feelings back in.
I saw the girl nod her head and look up at Calvin through her lashes, lips pressed into a shy smile. Then I saw him lean down to kiss her softly on the lips and brush the tip of his nose on hers before returning her smile and draining the cup in her hand of its content. I wished I could have looked away from this impending crash. But there I was, glued in place, eyes fixed on watching Calvin winning over a girl in real time. I felt ill deep in my stomach but knew that it would pass. It needed to pass. I would make sure of it. Because no matter how much my body wanted him, no matter how attractive he was, the simple truth was that he was dangerous and not a good person. By this point, Calvin had the girl wrapped in his arm and was ushering her towards the fire escape, occasionally giving her a kiss on her temple as they walked. He looked deliberately at me as he landed one of the kisses. I fought to keep my expression neutral and my gaze from wavering. I wanted to make sure that he knew I had no regrets.
Before the girl could make it all the way onto the first step of the fire escape, Malcolm intervened and tried to get the girl to stay at the party with him. She repeatedly declined to take the hand that Malcolm offered to pull her back onto the roof. I saw Malcolm place a warning hand on Calvin’s shoulder and say what looked like stern words to him. In reply, Calvin only motioned at the girl and shrugged. She pulled at Calvin’s hands and then disappeared down the steps.
Calvin stepped back into the fire escape, but before he lowered himself down, he looked at me one last time, eyes filled with hate and anger. I held his gaze and leisurely took a drag from my cigarette, not blinking. By the time the smoke of my exhale cleared, Calvin gone. Relief washed over me when I saw that he finally left the party.
A few minutes later, my mouth curved up into a smile when I heard a familiar jingling approach me.
“You alright?” Malcolm leaned against me and pulled me into a sideway hug.
I leaned into his shoulder and exhaled, “Yeah. I think so. That was fucking heavy though.”
“I told you.”
“I know.”
We stood side by side, sharing the cigarette until it ran down to the filters, then we lit a second.
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