After dinner which was pizza we watched some t.v. until around 10 p.m. when I called it a night. I made sure the house was locked up to keep those I cared for safe. I went up the stairs to my bedroom only to go look from the big window at the ocean. I sighed looking up at the moon that was shining so brightly upon the water. My mind wondered to the past on the west coast. Of all the times as a child being with the family I loved. The days back then seemed to feel magical, but it was all a illusion after my father died. My brother and sister changed for the worse. My mother was loving one summer to only change the next. They say life has it’s up and downs as family has there moments. My mind traveled to those that took me in after that day I returned home before my 17th birthday. A family that stood by me for two years giving me love to keep my heart strong, but their kids betray me causing my heart to grow cold. I felt my heart racing telling me I had to calm down before I fell to the floor. I looked up at the moon one last time with words that would soothe it’s beams of light.
“ Dad may you never stop watching over me. Grandma May you shall always be in my heart. As I say these words please keep those that are with me in this house safe. Let them know they are my beacons as you two were, and still are in my dreams.” As I speak those words I smile going to my bed for some restful sleep
Those next two weeks of June were great. Jack and Adam got the jobs as Life Guards which was fun watching Jack be one as his eyes were mostly on the young women and older ones. Adam was the good one shaking his head as Jack would get knocked down as I predicted. I worked on my business just relaxing on the beach under the sun. I had my glass of tea, ice cooler, and laptop, plus my chair I always sat in the summer before. It was the last Wednesday of June that things got interesting. I was in my spot on the beach when I heard a commotion just not far from where I was. I turned to see Adam and Jack being somewhat out numbered by some locals. It’s at that moment I see Adam get shoved hard enough that he landed on his ass in the sand. I don’t know what came over me as I snapped. I got up quickly running over just to see Jack stand between Adam and the idiot. I ran hearing Jack yell as I saw Adam get up from where he landed. Once I got to where they all stood I cut between Jack and the muscle bound idiot.
“ WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!?” I yelled asking them very mad
“ That asshole was kissing my girl.” The guy says as I turn to see Adam shaking his head
“ I was giving her mouth to mouth after she almost drowned.” Adam says protesting with some anger
“ Bullshit I saw you after coming back from my car.” The guy says with his own anger
I think for a moment until I shoot the guy a look of stupidity at his behavior.
“ So you left your girlfriend alone to get something from your car?” I ask seeing him nod before continuing “ And what was it your brain dip shit. Any person knows when the waves get as high as they are today not to leave a person out there alone.”
He looks at me with some hint of being a idiot. He turns looking at his two friends standing on either side of him. I watch as he turns around looking at the girl that is still coughing.
“ Janice is what they, he says true? Did I jump the gun and screw up again?” He asked her getting a nod
He turns back with some worry as if feeling stupid. He looks at the three of us as not seeing my brothers or I standing down.
“ Look I am sorry for shoving your friend as I usually jump before asking questions. I am sorry for my ignorance man.” He says as I turn to my bro Adam
“ Well is that good for you bro?” I ask seeing Adam look at the guy standing in front of me
“ Yes, but next time make sure she is out of the water before you check on your car.” Adam says getting a nod
We all shake hands before they go back to relaxing. We find out the guys name is Mark, and that him and his buddies just graduated high school. I stay to make sure Adam is ok as I feel my body shake. I guess Jack and Adam notice seeing their eyes show concern,
“ Heath you ok man? Your not having a attack are you?” Adam asks as my head shakes
“ No, but I think it was close. I just need to go back to my chair.” I say as they both help me back before returning to their stations on the beach
I spend the rest of the day relaxing as around 5 p.m. my brothers come over to join me getting a beer before they do. After a hour of them relaxing Jack goes in to start dinner around 6 p.m. Adam is still worried about me from the incident earlier and he stays close just in case. After dinner and a movie I turn in about 9:30 that night. I guess my heart beating over time did wear me out. That night I sleep soundly with no dreams of hurt or pain. Just dreams of happiness, care, and love. May is there this time with concern, but also a smile holding me on the beach as a grandmother would. May told me she was proud of all I have done. I told her I was glad as I never wanted to make her never not be. As my dream ended she gave me a kiss on the right cheek saying she would see me another time. I smiled as she faded away as she walked upon the ocean. I sat on the beach as always in my dreams watching what was just out my back door…..the ocean.
Selena’s POV: Middle of July day before Heath’s Birthday
Tiffany wasn’t lying about the pain of giving birth. It feels like my vagina is about to explode. My mother and Chris are helping me with my breathing exercises as I squeeze their hands. Everyone else is out in the waiting room except one person that I prayed would of been. My eyes are burning from all the crying I have done. I have a earplug in my ear to help me through the pain also. The song is of how I feel, but also of how I think the man I called my brother and still do is feeling. As it plays I push listening to the words.
There’s another world inside of me
That you may never see
There’re secrets in this life
That I can’t hide
Somewhere in this darkness
There’s a light that I can’t find
Maybe it’s too far away…
Or maybe I’m just blind…
Or maybe I’m just blind…
[Chorus]
So hold me when I’m here
Right me when I’m wrong
Hold me when I’m scared
And love me when I’m gone
Everything I am
And everything in me
Wants to be the one
You wanted me to be
I’ll never let you down
Even if I could
I’d give up everything
If only for your good
So hold me when I’m here
Right me when I’m wrong
You can hold me when I’m scared
You won’t always be there
So love me when I’m gone
Love me when I’m gone…
When your education X-Ray
Cannot see under my skin
I won’t tell you a damn thing
That I could not tell my friends
Roaming through this darkness
I’m alive but I’m alone
Part of me is fighting this
But part of me is gone
[Chorus]
Or maybe I’m just blind…
[Chorus]
Love me when I’m gone…
Love me when I’m gone
When I’m Gone
When I’m Gone
When I’m Gone
“ OH GOD THE PAIN!” I yell as the doctor told me to hold
“ Almost there Selena just one more good push.” She tells me as I just nod
“ Your doing fine honey stay focused on your breathing.” My mother tells me as I breathe
“ Now push Selena.” The doctor tells as I do
I feel my vaginal muscles work as I push again squeezing harder on my mom and Chris’s hand’s. I am told to lay back and relax. It’s just a few seconds later that I hear a loud cry coming from down between my legs. The doctor asked Chris if he wanted to cut the cord in which he nodded making his way over to do just that. I look to see my baby being handed to a nurse who walks over to clean him up. Chris and I found out I was having a boy. We smiled at the thought of a boy. After a few more minutes the nurse brought our baby over handing him to me. Chris stepped back over to my right to see our little bundle of joy. As my mother leans over to see her grandson the same nurse comes over to ask for the name we chose. I look up at Chris who is looking at the baby. I see his eyes water up as he smiles. I know what name he is going to use as I nod.
“ Heath Alexander Jarvison.” Chris says as the nurse writes the name down
As I hold my son I can only feel happiness, but sadness at the same time. I am happy for having my son, but sad that his uncle isn’t here to see him. I have tears looking down at the baby as I am being stitched up.
“ Selena you ok honey?” My mother asks sounding concerned
“ Yes and No. I wish my brother was here. He should be here to meet his little nephew.” I say as my mother places her hand on my left cheek
“ Honey I know you do, but you know why he isn’t here. The day will come when he will be just be patient until then ok.” She tells me as I just nod look back down at my precious baby
After about 2 hours of visits from family I am left in the room with little Heath over in the crib. Chris went with the family to eat and relax. I look over to see my baby sleeping after feeding from my breast. I have tears as I hear the song play again. I make a promise to my baby at that moment with my tears falling.
“ My precious son I promise one day you will meet a wonderful man. You will meet your uncle that you were named after. I love you my little man.” I say as I look up at the ceiling closing my eyes before I continue “ I love you too my brother Heath. Please forgive me for being so stupid.”
????? POV:
It’s the month of August and the second weekend in fact. It’s a enjoyable Friday afternoon as I am laying out on my beach towel soaking in the rays. I came out east in search of the man who I love. I tracked him down to the college that is only 20 minutes away. I have my sunscreen, juice, sunglasses, and binoculars so I can look down the sandy beach. It’s around 2 p.m. that I have my binoculars in hand looking around through them. I see a few that look almost like the wonderful, amazing man I fell in love with.
As I watch three guys wrestling in the sand my heart stops as I see his face. I watch him stand only to take in his face. He has changed from over a year ago. His eyes are not as bright any more. His body is built beyond what he looked like a year ago. His arms look strong from where I am sitting. I notice a tattoo which he wears making him that much sexier.
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