Between Us

If I were to ask you to define the word, “soul-mate”, could you do it? I mean, what does that mean to you. I can tell you what it means to me. A soul-mate is someone that you could devote your entire life to, someone that you need like the air you breath, someone that is your equal in every way. They are your best friend. Or at least, that has always been my definition of the word.

For years, I prayed for someone, who could properly fill that role in my life. I would have given anything for her to be real. Then, the day that I realized that I had finally found her, it was not my wife, who I received as the answer to my prayers but, our daughter.

Do you remember that nursery rhyme that is instilled into our brains from day one? You know, the one about what little girls are made of.

Sugar and spice and everything nice,
that’s what little girls are made of.

I’ve come to believe that perhaps it’s true.

Erin has skin the color of the richest cinnamon. Her eyes are such a deep brown that on several occasions I have become lost in them. And her gentle disposition is as sweet as any sugar I have ever tasted.

Now, I know what you might be thinking. “Oh, you just fell in love with a younger version of your wife.” Am I right? You’re justified in thinking that but, you couldn’t possibly be more wrong.

These two women are polar opposites of each other. Erin is everything her mother never was: petite, caring, unselfish, thirsty for knowledge and my world. Jenny, Erin’s mother, is petite; yes, but, she is self-absorbed, arrogant, can be cruel and refuses to “waste her time” reading or discovering anything new. Sure, Jenny is a stunning ebony-skinned beauty but, she is little else. It took many years to see that.

Over the years, I have watched Erin grow from a little girl displaying wisdom beyond her years into a strikingly beautiful young woman. All of this, I have done in utter awe.

Our time together is something that I treasure. It is exactly what I prayed for all those nights ago. It has been from the beginning.

Considering that it has just been the two of us, I think that we have done exceptionally well. Now, I do not mean to sound as if her mother is dead because she is not. Although, she might as well be for all the good she has done Erin. She left us shortly after Erin’s third birthday. To this day, I’m not sure why. I can guess though.

Jenny never wanted to be a mother. Whenever she would look at Erin, there was a deep resentment in her eyes. Upon discovering that she was pregnant, her first instinct was to have an abortion. It was my objections that ceased that line of thought. Instead, we were married and Erin was born shortly thereafter. She never forgave me for what she considered ruining her life.

I suppose considering her feelings about our marriage and Erin, it was only a matter of time before she left and a miracle that she stayed as long as she did. But, enough about her. I want to tell you about my Erin.

Being a single dad means that everyone feels that they have the right to tell you how to raise your child. I know that I encountered so many people, who took it upon themselves to critique my work.

“You shouldn’t treat her that way,” they would say. That always meant that they didn’t like the way that I was speaking to Erin. I refused to talk down to her because I believed that it was an insult her intelligence.

“You shouldn’t treat her that way,” as Erin grew older became, “She shouldn’t think about such things.” Now, by “such things,” they never meant sex or anything like that. They always meant life.

Erin tended to think about life tens years from now. If I had been her age and thinking about what I wanted to do ten years from now, I might not have been so overwhelmed when high school was suddenly over and I was expected to “make something of myself.”

Within a few years, I’d say around the time that Erin turned eighteen, they started to say, “You should talk to her about her behavior. She shouldn’t act that way.”

I would always respond, “But, I thought that you said I shouldn’t treat her that way. I mean, didn’t you say we shouldn’t sit around talking?”

They would always get flustered and leave us alone which is exactly how I like it. Besides, why would I want to tell Erin to be anything but, who she is. If I did, she wouldn’t be my Erin; would she?

Erin is twenty now. I’m twenty years her senior and she reminds me of it every time enters the room and my old heart beats like it could burst. I want her so much. I think that I have always known that I was in love with her but, there had never been a physical desire to show her until she recently moved back into our home.

I’m sure that I don’t have to tell you how happy the prospect of her living with me again made me. After her break up with a man, who I thought completely unfit to be considered a member of the human species, she decided that instead of living alone in an apartment, she would just return to her childhood home. It was perfect.

The Mediterranean-style home hidden deep within the hills of California, in which I have lived for nearly twenty years, is much too large for me to live in it alone. Even with her here, it seemed massive.

The first day that she was there after moving back in, changed so much for me. I realized that it might be extremely difficult not to have her as more than a daughter and friend.

I was inside the downstairs bedroom which had only recently been converted into a large gym. In all honesty, the room had been changed because I saw how much Erin seemed to appreciate a man in good physical condition.

Jumping off of the treadmill, I felt my lungs burning for air. I looked down to see my black shorts collecting the brunt of the sweat running down my naked torso. Running my fingers through my short brown hair, I laughed at myself.

“What the hell am I doing?” I groaned. “I’m going to kill myself trying to act as though I’m still twenty.”

Erin walked into the room, sending my already pounding heart into a near fit. She was wearing a sports bra that left little to my heightened imagination. Her legs, though short, were firm and lean, looking even more appealing than usual in the pair of nylon pants that might have been painted onto her. Her long hair had been pulled back into a sleek ponytail. She must have wanted to cut it a million times but, she kept it long for me. I love her long hair and she knows it. She has made an art of knowing exactly when to flip it over her shoulder to drive me absolutely wild.

Searching the room with her eyes, Erin smiled. “You did a good job on the room, daddy.”

God, I love her smile, I thought.

“Do you think I ought to give up my day job?” I teased, hoping to lengthen the duration of her smile.

Erin took the towel which was hanging over her shoulder and playfully used it as a weapon against me. Swatting me on the leg, she laughed. “Okay, smartass. Just see if I try to say anything nice to you from now on.”

I watched her pretend to pout. Her full lips had always been perfect for it. Grabbing her roughly, my arms surrounded her petite body in a powerful embrace. I couldn’t remember how many times that I had dreamt of taking her from behind like this. We fit together so well like this.

“I’m sorry, love,” I said, kissing her cheek. “I was only playing. Do you forgive me?”

Erin squirmed and struggled while laughing wonderfully. “Oh, get off me! You’re covered in sweat!” she squealed.

“You don’t like me sweaty?” I joked. To emphasize my point, I began to wipe my sweat-brimmed cheek against her soft skin.

“Get off!” Erin screamed. She wriggled inside my arms, knowing exactly where to tickle my side, making me consider an immediate retreat. “Let me go, old man!”

I just couldn’t let her go. She felt wonderful in my arms, pressed tightly against me. “Or what?” I challenged.

That was stupid, I know. Challenging my daughter only inspires her to fight harder which she did by tickling me harder. I held on for as long as I could until finally I had no choice but, to let her go. Her body moving against me felt too nice to ignore and the fear of her detecting my excitement made for no other choice.

The beautiful twenty-year old smiled victoriously. Tilting her head a bit, she stared at me in a way that a woman looks at a man. There was nothing in this look that suggested she was merely my daughter.

I began to squirm nervously under the intensity of her gaze. She always had a way of searching my eyes until she discovered whatever it was that she was looking for. It had been that way even when she was only a child.

“What?” I asked, hoping to end her scrutiny.

“What’s her name?”

“Whose name, baby?”

Erin’s brown eyes narrowed on me playfully. “I want to know who has made you suddenly loose around fifteen pounds, dress better, smile more and is responsible for all those other little changes that I’ve noticed in you since I got here this morning.”

“Fifteen pounds?!” I gasped looking down at my stomach. “That can’t be right. Do you think so?”

“Yes, daddy. You look good.”

I laughed, feeling very self-conscious. I wondered if she would believe that I had done all this for her. Looking at her before immediately being forced to look away, I was happy that she had thought my toning up had not been in vain.

I had never been overweight but, I knew that I looked nothing like the young men that she seemed to go for. It was because of this that I had worked for several hours each day to flatten my once flabby stomach and strengthen the muscles in my arms, knowing full well that Erin loved these particular places in her lovers.

Her lovers, I thought. How I would love to be considered in that particular group.

Weakly, I asked, “What makes you think that this is over a woman?”

“It isn’t?”

The smile that she gave me told me that she knew me much too well. I didn’t know how it was possible for her to make a grown man blush but, I did, much to my dismay.

“I knew it!” she said, clapping her hands together triumphantly. “What’s her name? Do I know her? What’s she look like? I’ll bet she’s pretty. Oh, tell me. I can’t believe you’ve been holding out on me. We tell each other everything. Why haven’t you told me this?”