“I am okay, why do you ask?”
“Oh, I just feel as though you are a complete different woman from the one I visited that day before asking you to join me on this little expedition.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean that you seem more alive and smiling a lot more, you just seem Happy!”
“Well, I am enjoying myself, the journey has been fun and I get to share that with you and I don’t feel like you are scrutinising my every move!”
“Oh?” I was curious.
“You see, living with your grandfather and having a daughter like your mother.” She took a moment. “They both constantly question what I do, I find them very controlling!”
“Oh really? That sucks, I am so sorry!”
“It is not your fault, so no apology is necessary! Your grandfather is a narcissist and your mother is her father’s daughter like I said before!” She looked down at her legs and took up her glass and sipped at it.
“Why do you put up with it? You are a strong woman that is more than capable of her own independence!” It was true, she had always been the breadwinner of the household.
“It’s true I know, he has never liked the fact that I brought more to the table and that he has to rely on me. It is his nature and he likes to keep up appearances with his friends and colleagues before he retired three years ago. A retirement that I am paying for nonetheless.”
“So, why do you continue? Have you ever considered leaving him?”
“Not really, I just keep my head down and do my best to keep the family in one piece.”
“At great cost to yourself though?”
“My life isn’t that bad, I made peace with my situation a long time ago after your mother was born.”
“What do you mean by that?” I looked at her, her eyes betrayed her hurt and she had a tear running down her cheek.
“I shouldn’t be discussing this with you, it is not fair plus you shouldn’t have to see me like this.” Her voice broke slightly.
“I am here though and I won’t think any less of you! Please let me help you!” I put my arm around her and she lent into me and quietly sobbed. I placed my hand on the side of her head and kissed her forehead. “Of course, you don’t have to either.”
“Your grandfather and I were married a week after we had first met, our parents had made an arrangement with each other to avoid any future shame that we would bring to our family names.” She paused. “I was pregnant with your mother after the third attempt, there were precisely 2 more attempts for another baby after your mother came into the world but both without fruit.”
“Oh! What was so bad that they had to do that?”
“Well, I hadn’t wanted to take a husband and had wanted to travel the continent with a girl friend of mine. We had been very close and my father had disapproved and said I had a duty to do and that was it!”
“What about him?”
“Your grandfather had been different from other young men his age at the time, he was interested in different things and didn’t really care much for women.” She looked at me again, as if waiting for the penny to drop.
“Oh!” My reaction was delayed and then I knew. “He was gay?”
“Well, his mindset was. You see he had never physically done anything with other men at the time but preferred their company.” She drained her glass. “He is the only man I have ever known!”
“I see!” It was a lot to take in but it was starting to make sense to me.
“Part of me loves him because we have had a life together so far, we shared the happiness of a daughter together and building a home together but apart from that, there has been a lot of emptiness too. So, when your mother left home, I studied and had my career to focus on.”
“Which I gather he didn’t take too well to?”
“Not one bit but he couldn’t do anything to stop me! I simply wouldn’t let him and he knew it, not that I would use his secret against him but he knew I could.”
“Does my mother know any of this?”
“I don’t think so, at least not the details anyway but I can imagine that he may have alluded to the fact. She always sides with him.” She sniffed and then rubbed her eyes before looking at me and laughing.
“What is it?” I was confused at her reaction, I couldn’t help but smile at her.
“At my age, I have known only one man and had his penis inside me a total of 5 times!” She said allowed and raised her hands to the sky. She burst in tear filled laughter. “What a life I have had!”
“Oh Gran!” I felt a little sorry for her but didn’t tell her so. I just pulled her closer and put my head against hers.
“Sounds really pathetic doesn’t it?” Her shoulders slumped, she was now holding her knees and lent forward on them.
“If it makes any difference, I have only ever had the tip of a penis inside me! We were both drunk and he couldn’t get it up, it was embarrassing and he stormed out calling me bad things and blamed me for it.”
“Really?” She looked at me with a look of disbelief. “But you are a gorgeous woman, why are men not falling at your feet?”
“Do you really want to know?” Here we are, I was about to divulge one of my biggest secrets to my gran. I felt apprehensive and thought of backing away.
“You don’t have to tell me dear!” She could obviously see it on my face and was giving me a way out.
“No, it’s ok! I think it is time. I just hope you don’t look differently at me once you know what it is!” I looked down at my legs and fidgeted my feet together.
“Promise I won’t!”
“I prefer women over men!” There it was, my bomb! “I am a lesbian! Well, I am a bisexual lesbian!”
“Oh!” I was expecting her to react differently but she just looked at me and smiled. “Thank you for sharing that with me, It can’t have been easy!”
“You are not upset?”
“Why would I be? We live in a different time now, you are young and know what you want!”
“Kind of making it up as I go along really, I have a good job sure and a home I guess.”
“You have a lot more than that! You are free to make the choices for yourself.” She put her hand on my thigh, I looked down at it and then at her. “Does your mother know of this?”
“No, I think she will hit the roof! Plus, she probably would have told you and grandad about it anyway.” I smiled at her, a weight lifted from my shoulders and to see her reaction really made me feel good about myself.
“Sorry for crying like that, you won’t say anything will you?”
“Not a word! You can cry anytime you like, I am always here for you Gran!” We hugged properly and held each other for a while, the fire was now dying out and the night chill was descending on us rapidly.
“Come, we should get inside and get some sleep.”
I agreed and we got up and tidied the camp, I put the lid on the little fire pit and placed the warning sign on top. I was experiencing a whole range of emotions, as well as being incredibly horny and the thought of taking my dildo out and disappearing to the shower block to use it was at the forefront of my mind. She would know what I was doing If I went into that bag and then decided that I needed the toilet and disappeared into the night, perhaps I should just to tease her. I mused to myself, no I couldn’t because she may feel sensitive about the whole penis thing. I don’t know!
I climbed into bed behind her and took up my usual position of big spoon, not that I was complaining because I really enjoyed holding her and feeling her body pressing back into mine. Which is precisely what she did, as I put my arm around her and she pulled my hand to her breast. She pushed backwards and ground her bum into me with a little more gusto this time, I kissed her on the back of her neck in response.
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