Plain Janie

Old Plain Jane had bagged herself the hottest guy in the building, for the first time she felt proud to be sitting beside her stepbrother. Even if he was a dolt.

Dinner was still digesting as Harvey walked Jane to her apartment door. A wind rustled the coppery curls that had snuck out from under her stocking cap. The night’s chill numbed her cheeks. She almost knocked but remembered Anne would not be home tonight.

She turned her back to him and put the key in the lock. His big hand rested on her shoulder. She felt his powerful grip, even through the thick, fleece stuffing in her coat. “I’m sorry about dinner,” he apologized.

“It’s alright.” She faced him. “I had a surprisingly good time. We should hang out more.”

“Yeah I’d like that, but next time I’ll remember no red meat. We could have seafood, you like seafood don’t you?” Jane sighed. “I’m kidding.” She wasn’t so sure. “I’m not doing anything tomorrow night. If you want, we could—”

“I’m going to Craig’s tomorrow,” Jane said. She heard him curse under his breath. “Don’t get upset I spend every Friday with Craig.”

Harvey’s face softened. “I don’t mean to sound angry but it seems like that brother of yours is always interfering with my plans.”

“Your plans?” Jane asked. She could at least pretend he was interested. “And just what sort of plans have you made for me?” Harvey’s cold-chapped cheeks turned redder as he leaned down. Oh God, Jane thought, he wanted to kiss her.

She flinched, turning her head just in time to introduce his lips to her cheek. It was a chaste kiss, if any kiss from a man like Harvey could be considered chaste. “You can come along,” she breathed. “Craig wouldn’t mind.” Harvey politely declined. He knew as well as she did that Craig would most definitely mind.

Jane beamed as she stepped inside her apartment. “I’ll see you Saturday, Jane Benson,” he shouted from the other side of the door. “I won’t take no for an answer!”

Wait until she told Anne.

February 11th

The baritone voice of Michael Roth stretched across the airwaves, offering the weekend weather report to his steadfast conservative fan base. “Cooper Falls will see rising temperatures this weekend. Combined with falling barometric pressure we should see a seventy percent chance of Jane. Rain. Heavy rainfall. That is your overnight forecast provided by Aberdeen Windows. Aberdeen windows, quality glass and customer service that’s never a pane.” Craig cringed every time his boss recited that awful line. “The Michael Roth Show will be back after this short commercial break.” Craig tried to escape to the hallway before his boss could slip off the headset.

“Benson!” his bellicose boss called out. Mr. Roth was not happy, his bare scalp was red and his enormous lips were contorted in a pursed sneer. “I don’t suppose you know who typed up today’s weather report.” Craig shook his head. “My listeners want to know about the weather, not the aspects of your personal life.”

“I’m sorry Mr. Roth, it won’t happen again.”

His boss wagged a chubby finger and ambled close. Close enough for Craig to smell the foulness of his sweat-soaked blazer. “Why do I keep you around Benson? You leave early, your topic ideas are as provocative as a can of tuna. You’ve been nothing but trouble since your internship.” Mr. Roth unleashed a string of profanity, behavior unbecoming for a self professed ultra-conservative.

After a thorough tongue lashing Craig made his escape. He was beginning to hate himself for involving Jane in this stupid little bet, it was showing up in his work. She had called him last night, prattling like a little schoolgirl about her evening with Harvey. This was getting dangerous. There were still four days left and he was already in trouble.

Jane was his tonight, it was their Friday ritual to spend the evening together and that meant no chances for Harvey. That would be his mantra for the coming days: no chances for Harvey. He would use drastic measures where they were called for. Anything to win.

Jane looked lovelier than usual as she sat across the table. Her naturally curly hair had been focused into loose coppery tresses hanging just past her shoulders. Craig sighed. He knew the new look was for Harvey’s sake.

Two empty Lean Cuisine cartons rested on the edge of the oak kitchen table. Eggplant parmesan was one of her favorites, but not one of his.

They were playing poker, five-card stud. She peeked over her fanned out hand and offered him her best poker face. She threw a pair of silver quarters on the middle of the table. They wobbled to a stop and were joined by two of the same from Craig’s pocket.

They always wagered with quarters. Quarters were easy to come by. Any self-serve carwash that was worth it’s salt had quarter machines. The siblings slapped their cards face up on the table. Jane boasted as her three jacks trounced his two sevens. She collected another fifty cents.

“Alright that’s enough cards. I need to save something for the Coke machine,” Craig said. He gathered the pile of cards and shoved them back in the pack.

Jane collected the winnings and stuffed them in her purse.

They both knew why she always ended up the big winner. Craig didn’t see his sister as some pathetic charity case, not at all. She hadn’t had a serious problem for thirteen years but her medical bills were still immense. She had regular checkups with the cardiologist and expensive EKGs. The damned HMO the library provides only pays for so much.

“Do you want another frozen dinner? They were on sale.” He opened the freezer. Vegetarian Lean Cuisines had been crammed into every available space.

“What are you going to do with all of those?” she asked, knowing he was a confirmed carnivore.

“I’ll eat them of course. I love…” He dug through the boxes. “spinach lasagna, bean burritos, and tofurkey.” He paused to study that last one, extracting it from beneath the icemaker. “What the hell is tofurkey?”

“It’s turkey made from tofu.” The radiance of her smile could have spilled out of the kitchen and lit the whole darkened house. “Trust me, you’d hate it.”

“Don’t be so sure. I love turkey, I tolerate tofu. Put them both together and… No you’re right. I’d hate it.” He stuffed the box back in the freezer. “I don’t think I really like any of these. I guess you’ll just have to come over and eat them for me.”

“I might need one tomorrow, when Harvey takes me to the zoo.”

Craig slammed the freezer shut. He still felt a chill. He went back to the table to sit next to her. “Are you sure the zoo is the safest place for Harvey? It might upset the other visitors to see a big dumb animal on the loose.”

She slapped his side and giggled. “Craig, that’s not nice.”

“And since when did we start being nice to Harvey?” He reached out and touched a lock of her coppery hair.

“We were never close to Harvey,” Jane said. “We only lived with him for two years before he moved out. Maybe we just never got to really know him.”

Craig sighed and leaned back in his chair. “Just promise me you’ll be on guard. He might be able to put on the mask of a caring human being but deep down he’s still the same old Harvey.”

“Craig can I show you something.” She reached inside her purse and pulled out a tiny stuffed lion.

“You carry Mr. Mane in your purse?” he asked.

She grinned. “You still remember him?”

“I remember how much you loved that stupid toy.”

“I always thought that giving me this toy was the sweetest thing Harvey had ever done.” She smoothed it’s tangled mane. “But he doesn’t even remember.”

Craig smelled blood. This was his chance to go in for the kill. He had bought the stuffed lion in the hospital gift shop. When Harvey had showed up, empty handed as usual, he had felt sorry. He didn’t want Jane to know that her dolt of a stepbrother had forgotten her birthday so he put Harvey’s name on the lion.

He wanted to tell her now so she would see just how little Harvey cared. It would have been a dagger through the heart, the fatal blow. Jane would be devastated but her tears would signal his victory. “You know how Harvey is. I’m not so sure he even remembers his own middle name sometimes,” Craig said, amazed by his own stupidity.

He didn’t want to talk about Harvey anymore. “Did you keep my gift?” He had given her a bracelet. It was just colorful strings he had braided together but she loved it anyway.

“The friendship bracelet?” she asked. “When you left home to go to college I never took it off. I wore it to school and to bed. I even wore it in the shower.”

He felt peculiar when she told him that. He reached for her hands and pulled up the sleeve of her sweater. He examined her wrists. “Why aren’t you wearing it now? Aren’t we still friends?”