“Actually, I feel better having you here as a buffer of sorts.” I wasn’t thrilled with the idea of being here with Laura by myself. I found myself getting upset at her just a little too quickly still when it comes to what happened.
“Stevie, it’s okay. Please. Just talk to her.” She was insistent. “We don’t want you to feel left out of what we’re talking about.”
“I guess. I’m not happy about it. You two need to figure yourselves out first before dragging me into this, I think.”
Cindy wrapped her arms around my neck and kissed me softly. “You need to be included. You’re a part of this, too. She wants you to believe her.”
I snorted. “That’s easier said than done, right now.”
She gave me a tight hug and then gave me a serious look, “Just hear her out and give her a chance. A real chance, Steven. Please, for me.”
We got undressed, she did her night routine in the bathroom, and we climbed into bed. As I turned out the light, she rolled into me and sighed, “You’re too damn hardheaded sometimes, Stevie. G’night, babe.”
“True. G’night, baby.”
Tuesday morning went by the routine we’d established. We got up, I showered while she got the girls up and dressed, she showered while I supervised breakfast, then both of us rode shotgun while they finished getting ready for daycare. Laura helped us out, following along and learning the girls’ routines. After hugs, kisses and foraging for a misplaced backpack, Cindy and the girls headed to daycare. She shared a knowing look with Laura as she backed out of the driveway.
On our way back inside, the auto transport driver sent me a text that he would be here at around ten thirty or so, traffic permitting. I texted back acknowledgement. So far, the cops hadn’t shown up looking to arrest anybody for car theft. I stopped to take pictures of the inside and outside of our father’s car to document that we were returning it undamaged. I forwarded the pictures to Laura so she could send them to her lawyer.
Once we were inside, Laura poured two cups of coffee and sat down at the kitchen table. She motioned for me to sit next to her and slid one of the cups over in front of me. She was still dressed in her t-shirt and panties. She sat with one leg tucked under her other leg, figure four style, and I could easily see the crotch of her panties. There was an obvious dark spot.
“So,” she took a deep breath, “I wanted to tell you that I’m really sorry for what happened. I really am. It was wrong, so very wrong.” She looked down at her coffee cup and shook her head. “That was not what I wanted to happen.”
“To be honest, I think I owe you an apology, too. This whole time, I never once thought about how you might have felt at the time. Neither of us did. We were young, too. We were so much in love, we couldn’t think about anybody but ourselves. I’ve always had you two around and never thought about what it would be like to have nobody.
“I’ve been thinking about this a lot since you got here, everything we went through, what we have now, and I was scared. I was scared that maybe you came back to finish what you started, he may have put you up to it for whatever fucked up reason he could come up with, or something else. Cindy begged me to give you a chance, because I really hadn’t.
“I love her, Laura, I love my daughters. I don’t know if Cindy could go through something like that again. I don’t ever want my girls to go through something like that, ever.”
Something about the conversation from Sunday night had stuck with me and I finally figured out what it was and why. Before that last year, Laura had never been without at least one of us for her entire life. That school year, she was alone to bear the brunt of our father’s scheming to squeeze more money from his followers, using his kid to do it. Then to have your brother and sister come back and ignore you for the most part because they’re so wrapped up in each other? I’d be unhappy about that, too.
“Again, I’m sorry. I just got wrapped up in remembering how Cindy cried herself to sleep so many times. How there wasn’t anything I could do to make her feel better. I felt like I wasn’t doing enough. Eventually, things got better for us. This just opened up some old wounds and I haven’t handled it well.”
Laura reached over and put her hand on my forearm. “It’s okay, I understand. I’m grateful you didn’t just turn me away. I thought for a few minutes you were going to, especially after Bobbi came to the door. I didn’t blame you for being angry. I did something stupid out of jealousy and anger, and I’ve done nothing but regret it ever since.”
She gave my forearm a solid squeeze. Looking down at her coffee cup again, she spoke softly, “I still love her, Stevie. So much. What do I have to do to prove that I would never, ever do anything to hurt her again? You don’t think Cindy could go through that again? Neither can I.
“I meant what I said the other night. I love both of you. I see you with Cindy and I see you with Bobbi and Ronni, and I love you even more. I didn’t know how to tell you then. If I had, we never would have had to go through all of this. There are two things I want most in this world right now. One is Cindy.” She looked up at me, her eyes bright and a little teary. “The other? I want you to love me like you love Cindy. Hell, I’d settle for half of that, actually. I’ll do whatever it takes to prove that.”
I put my hand over hers on my forearm. “I think we both know that love isn’t that simple. I don’t doubt you love Cindy or that she loves you. I don’t doubt that you love me. I’ve never thought about you in that way, Laura. Right now, I’m still trying to figure out if we can even be friends, really. I’ve looked at this shit this way for eleven years and I don’t think that’s going to change overnight. I love you because you’re family, we’re related. Only time can tell if we’re going to be family the way you want. I’m not angry with you or upset with you, I’ve just got some shit to deal with, first.”
She nodded, “That’s fair.” She got up to pour each of us another cup of coffee. “Can I ask you a personal question, Stevie?”
“I think so. Sure, why not?” If I didn’t like the question, I wasn’t going to answer it.
“How did it happen, you and Cindy? I asked her but she said I should ask you.”
I thought for a moment about whether I really wanted to answer the question. She seemed genuinely curious, so I decided I’d go with it.
“It was right after the start of the winter term. They were having some school thing over a weekend and a lot of the Friday classes were “canceled”, meaning assignments were handed out beforehand and there wouldn’t be any actual class. A lot of the guys in my dorm decided they were going to get a room off campus and have a huge party. They invited a lot of the girls that lived in Cindy’s dorm, too. The advisor in that dorm was a bitch, following the letter of the rules, all that shit. Our advisor went to the party so I was pretty much the only person there. My roommate left me a bottle of vodka, even though I wasn’t 21, because I wasn’t into parties. I don’t really drink hard alcohol, don’t much like the taste of most of it. A bottle of vodka is easier to hide than a twelve pack or two of beer, and I think he was trying to get me laid. Apparently, there was a betting pool.
“Anyways, I snuck Cindy in that Friday night, we borrowed my roomie’s laptop and we were watching Netflix or Hulu or something and drinking vodka and iced tea. She found this movie that probably should have been rated multiple X’s, claimed that one of her roomie’s friends swore it was great.
“Not being an experienced drinker, I made the drinks way too strong. By the time the movie was half over, we were both drunk. I had already started having these feelings for her but I knew they were wrong. I tried to fight them the best I could. Anyway, we’re sitting there, watching people kissing and pretending to fuck and she asks me if I’ve ever kissed anybody. She knew damn well neither one of us had. She told me she didn’t and I was embarrassed to admit that I hadn’t, either.
“I still don’t know if I kissed her first or she kissed me first. I just know that once we did, I didn’t want to stop. The next thing I know, we’re making out.” I paused there because, well, Cindy and I damn sure didn’t.
Laura looked at me, smiling. “I got that much out of her. When I asked her about the first time you had sex, she got embarrassed and wouldn’t tell me.”
“Our first time was a disaster. Neither one of us knew the first fucking thing about…fucking. Hell, I thought foreplay was just about grabbing her boobs. It took longer than it should have to figure out how rubbers are supposed to go on. I broke her hymen but it hurt her like hell. She was crying and she bled a little bit, and I absolutely freaked out. I wanted to take her to the ER but she got me calmed down. We drank a little more, stuck with making out and watched the rest of the movie. Somehow or another, I managed to make her cum a couple of times using my hand, with her help, and she returned the favor.”
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