“We want fifty grand…each.”
“For that kind of money I could easily arrange for you to have an accident—a bad one that could result in a long hospital stay. Twenty grand and a cab—that’s the offer; I’d get moving if I was you. You have about forty minutes before dinner.” I was as happy as a pig in shit when they rushed from the lounge. Jacobsen told me he’d have the drafts ready in plenty of time and his assistant would handle the calls to the airline. I’d spent our time together earlier on the phone with my credit card company. I had a high limit on the cards–$50,000—but I wanted a temporary increase that was granted almost immediately. The cruise line would charge my card tonight which was just fine with me.
I was besieged with questions when I joined Jennie and the group. “They decided they really wanted to go home. All they needed was an incentive—twenty grand and a cab. It’s worth every penny to be rid of them.”
“You spent $20,000 to get rid of them?”
“No, I spent forty—twenty grand each—and it was still worth it. Where’s the waitress? I can use a beer.” I got my beer only a few minutes before our port talk commenced. Every night before dinner we’d hear all about tomorrow’s port. It was amazing how these small towns and villages had centuries of interesting history. We had a walking tour in the morning and the afternoon free to wander and shop. One look at Jennie told me which one she’d choose. I didn’t mind—not at all. I peeked out the window as we walked down to the dining room, pleased to see the last of the Nasty Four. News of what I’d done spread like wild fire. I thought the entire ship knew by the time Jennie and I walked into dinner. I must have been thanked twenty times, mostly by people with purple stickers on their name tags.
The rest of the cruise was as idyllic as we’d dreamed—beautiful sunny days, elegant churches and monasteries, interesting shopping, and the most beautiful woman in the world on my arm and in my bed. I always hate shopping, but this was different. There are souvenirs that are junk and then there are the other kind—the kind that cost plenty, but that was okay, too. Jennie was shopping for us and for our friends, the Blasi family.
One of the trip’s real highlights was the two-day stay in Vienna. We had a bus tour the first morning and then we were able to explore on our own. I’d spent time here before when I was working on “German for Idiots.” I was fairly fluent, but I still needed someone to check my work. I could have used someone from one of the local universities at home, but I’d found an educated native speaker worthwhile in the past when I’d written the Spanish and French versions. I’d suggested Schonbrunn Palace to Jennie and her friends. It’s an incredible place. We took the train after I helped everyone buy their tickets at the automated machines.
The ride was fun. We were in the same car as a school class and the kids couldn’t wait to try out their English on us, even asking for some local idioms. I made them howl with laughter with, “Howdy, y’all.” On the brief walk from the station I explained how Schloss Schonbrunn was commissioned to be a hunting lodge, but later became the summer residence of the Habsburg imperial family and was used that way until 1918 when the empire was abolished—one result of World War I.
Jennie stopped short when we turned the corner and she saw the palace for the first time. “That was a hunting lodge? I was expecting something small.” I kissed her cheek and we walked on. I explained that Schonbrunn was small in comparison to some of the other palaces even though it had more than 1,400 rooms. We spent the entire day and when it was done all agreed it had been wonderful.
We traveled overnight to Budapest, the result of the merger of Buda, Pest, and Obuda in 1873 where we learned of the role the Romans had played in the area and the Huns in the fifth century A.D. and, finally how the royal family had united the area into what is now known as Hungary. Vienna is a beautiful city, but it’s nothing when compared to Budapest. That the city is equally on both sides of the Danube only makes the views even more spectacular.
We had our farewell dinner that evening and those in our group swore that we’d keep in touch although we really knew that we wouldn’t. Jennie and I said good-bye then retreated to our suite. We’d already packed our suitcases, needing to only add the clothes we were wearing. We barely had room for everything we had bought. Even after jamming everything in, we still had three large shopping bags full of presents for Charlie, Toni, and the girls.
We were up early the following morning for breakfast and just had time to use the bathroom before catching a limo to the airport. Not a word was said about all of our extra bags although I guessed there would have been quite the stink—and quite the fees, too–had we been in coach.
We left at 10:12 a.m. en route directly to JFK in New York. I set my watch back six hours to 4:52 and reclined in my chair to enjoy my mimosa before our lunch was served about two hours later. Then I set my seat to horizontal and closed my eyes, but before I did I opened my seat belt and my arms to welcome my wonderful wife. We slept for about two hours, awakening well before our arrival in New York at 1:05 in the afternoon.
Immigration had recently been computerized and most people struggled with the system. Even I found it cumbersome and user unfriendly. Still, we muddled through and were welcomed back to the U.S. A. We grabbed two luggage carts in baggage claim and went to customs. We found the line surprisingly short, not that it did any good. We had spent much more than we were allowed so there was duty to be paid. I had anticipated this so I had every receipt for every item bought. I paid the duty and the officer gave me a receipt and we were done.
David was waiting with a porter to help with our bags and within ten minutes we were on our way. Just getting out of the airport can be a hassle and in the afternoon traffic is always heavy. It was almost a half hour before we found our way to the Van Wyck Expressway northbound to the Long Island Parkway and into the Queens Midtown Tunnel. We wove our way through Manhattan toward the Lincoln Tunnel. From there we were only minutes from Hoboken and the Blasi’s.
David had barely stopped the car when Andrea and Allison ran out to greet us. With them, tail wagging about two miles a minute was Lady. We hugged the girls first and then Jennie knelt to formally greet Lady, hugging her and rubbing her ears and chest. David moved our suitcases to the rear of Jennie’s SUV where they loaded everything except for the three big shopping bags. They went into the house with us. Jennie hugged Toni while I shook hands with Charlie then we switched. “Let’s sit down, everyone. We come bearing gifts,” Jennie said with a grin.
She sat on the couch with Andrea and Allison on either side. Toni was in a nearby chair; Charlie and I stood. Jennie began with the bag from Harrods. Reaching in, she pulled an off-white cardigan from the bag. “This is for you, Charlie. I remember you wear a ‘Large’ from your visit. I was assured they run a little big so it should be fine. Okay…Toni, this one is for you.” It was another cardigan—gray with a light floral pattern running through it.
I watched as Toni rubbed the wool with a smile. “This is completely homemade, isn’t it? I do some knitting so I can tell. I wouldn’t be surprised if the yarn was also homemade. This is a wonderful present. Thank you so much.” Jennie smiled again and passed the next to Andrea and the final to Allison. Theirs were also grey, but had several horizontal and diagonal stripes running across the chest and continued around the arms. Like their mother’s these sweaters were also completely done by hand thanks to some highly talented woman in Scotland.
“These are also for you, Charlie.” Jennie passed over two golf shirts emblazoned with the St. Andrews logo. “At least you’ll look like a golfer.”
“Yeah, Daddy…until you actually try to hit the ball,” Allison said with a laugh. Then we all laughed–nobody harder than Charlie. He thanked me as Jennie went to the bag from Paris.
She pulled a deep purple blouse from the bag. “I recall you telling me that purple is your favorite color, Allison, and I think I recall you telling me that pink was yours, Andrea.” She passed the two tops to the girls. Sorry, Toni…yours is just pearl white.”
Toni took hers and spoke as soon as she touched it. “Silk, isn’t it? I can tell just from the touch. It’s beautiful. Thank you again.” The girls expressed their thanks, as well.
Jennie reached down to the bottom of the bag, pulling a box roughly twelve inches on a side as she announced, “This is a family gift.” She handed it to Allison who passed it along to her dad.
He opened it carefully before holding up an ornate cuckoo clock. “It plays two songs—one on the hour and the other half past. I’m sure you’ll be able to figure it out, Charlie.”
“Yeah, my grandparents had one with the weights and all. What’s this little lever for?”
“That’s to help you to sleep at night. It shuts off the cuckoo and the songs.” Charlie rolled his eyes and nodded as he said it was a good idea.
There were more blouses—traditional Austrian peasant–from Vienna in the third bag then she pulled three small boxes, handing one to Toni and the others to the girls. “These are my favorites. We got them at a craft fair in Budapest. They began as silver spoons and, in your case, Toni, as gold spoons. The artist pounded them flat on an anvil and then drew a design, drilling and cutting until he was satisfied. Finally, he polished each one.” The boxes had been sealed with tape so they weren’t opened until a knife was found in the kitchen. Then they gasped as they saw the earrings. “My friends are going to be so jealous when they see these,” Andrea said as she saw the tiny village, houses with windows and tiled roofs encircled by a silver hoop. Allison’s was also a silver hoop, but the interior of hers held a tiny castle complete with a tower and a woman with long flowing hair in a window. Toni’s were 14 Karat gold and her hoops were oval in shape and inside each was a deep blue sapphire of about two carats.
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