Somehow I managed the strength to drag myself out of the chair and make my way back to my car. I felt crushed at all that had happened. If only I hadn’t moved. If only I had sucked up my pain and stayed close to her. Everything would have been different. Everything.
Back in my hotel room, I grabbed a scratchpad and wrote down everything I could remember about what the Reverend had said. I needed a plan to find my sweet Lisa and save her from the disaster my actions had caused. I had to believe it wasn’t too late.
First thing Monday morning, I visited Lisa’s old high school. Even though classes were out for the summer, the administrative staff was still hard at work, closing down the school year. I explained to the receptionist that I needed to speak with someone if possible. I explained a little of what I needed.
“Lisa Gibson, oh yes, I remember the poor girl. Got herself in a bit of trouble, and then her parents made it even worse.”
Luck was with me as the Headmistress agreed to give me five minutes. She was a serious-looking woman and spent some time appraising me before offering information.
“Yes, Lisa. We all knew her. She was a top student and well-liked by everyone. It was a shame when she had to drop out, but her parents stopped paying her tuition and she had no choice.”
“Lisa and I worked together last summer, and I’m trying to locate her. She’s fallen on some hard times, and I was hoping you might have a picture I could use to show people?”
“I prefer not to get involved, but I did like her, and you seem sincere about wanting to help. Let me check something. It should only take a few minutes.”
She returned with a manila envelope and handed it to me.
“All the seniors were photographed last September for the yearbook photos. Since Lisa dropped out, she was not included in the yearbook. But perhaps these portraits will help?”
I spilled out the contents and saw several headshots of Lisa, some in a dress and some in her graduation gown. She looked as beautiful as I remembered, and in her eyes, you could see the excitement for the future that lay before her. A future that soon after had slipped away. I thanked her for the photos and returned to my car. There I sat, shedding tears for the beautiful young woman I once knew.
My next stop was the local police station, where a helpful clerk provided me with a list of known homeless encampments and a brochure listing the various women’s shelters in the area. I decided to start with the homeless camps, since that was the worst-case scenario. I spent the rest of the day showing Lisa’s pictures to every homeless person willing to speak with me. I pretty much emptied my wallet, paying for info that got me no closer to Lisa.
That evening I started visiting the shelters and finally caught a break. At the Sisters of Mercy Mission, the woman serving dinner recognized Lisa’s picture.
“Yeah, I’ve seen her,” the woman confirmed. “She doesn’t look anywhere near that fancy these days. But there’s no forgetting those eyes. I think she hangs out at the shelter over on Oak Street. Try there.”
The shelter was only five minutes away, and I parked my car on the street and walked to the building. Dozens of people were coming and going, and it looked like dinner was still being served. A long line stretched out of the door, and there seemed to be a wait for a place to sit inside. A security guard worked the door, making sure no one got rowdy. I walked up to him, holding out Lisa’s picture.
“Excuse me, officer?” I asked over the noise. “Could I ask you a question?”
He looked me up and down, realizing I didn’t look like a client. “What’s the question?” he asked.
I showed him the picture. “Have you seen this woman here?”
He took one look and smiled broadly. “Yeah, yeah, I know her. She’s been here for a few weeks working the chow line as a way to give back to the shelter.”
“Is she here now?” I asked, barely daring to breathe.
He poked his head inside the doorway and scanned the room. “Yeah, she’s here. But she’s pretty busy. Can you come back later?”
“No, I can’t. But I can wait. I flew a long way just to see her and don’t want to miss my chance.”
I grabbed a piece of wall and cooled my heels for another hour until at last dinner service was over.
“Yo, buddy,” I heard the guard call. “You can go in now. Lisa is helping clean up.”
This was it. After three days of agony, I was about to finally see her. I was terrified of what I might find. Did she blame me for everything? Did she hate me and never want to see me again? Would she even remember me after all the booze and drugs?
I forced myself to enter the building. It was larger than I expected, with dozens of long tables clustered close together. A long counter of dirty serving pans and bowls lined the open front kitchen, and several women were busy cleaning up. I looked but did not see Lisa. I walked further into the room, ready to start showing her picture. Just as I was unfolding the envelope, Lisa walked out of what appeared to be a supply room.
She didn’t see me at first, allowing me time to just gaze at her. Her hair was longer than I remembered and had lost some of its luster. She was dressed in clothes that were too large but she still looked beautiful to me. As she turned down the aisle, she looked up and saw me. She stopped suddenly, almost causing the person behind to crash into her. I saw her eyes widen in disbelief and her hand covered her mouth in surprise. It all came down to this moment.
“Bill?” she asked as if she was questioning what her eyes showed her. “Is it really you?”
“Yes!” I yelled and ran towards her.
The space between us melted away as she ran towards me, arms outstretched. By the time we hugged, we were both bawling like babies. We embraced like two people trapped in the ocean, trying to save themselves from drowning. Without any hesitation, she kissed me, and I kissed her back. Folks around us started hooting and hollering and a few even clapped, but I didn’t care. All I knew is that my love was back in my arms.
“I tried to find you,” she started to say.
“I know, I know, and I’m so sorry that I moved away. There is so much I want to say.”
“Me too, but maybe this isn’t the place?”
“I have a hotel room. Are you free to leave the shelter and stay with me?
“Yes, of course. Let me get my stuff.”
She made the rounds telling her friends that she would be back, and they shouldn’t worry. I wasn’t sure what that meant, but decided it was a question for later. All I wanted to do at that moment was take her away and make her safe. She finally came back to me, carrying a paper sack holding her stuff, and we walked out of the building and to my car.
The first thing Lisa wanted when we arrived at my room was a shower. I could imagine, after all she had been through, a long shower would seem like a luxury. Forty-five minutes later she exited the bath looking much more like the Lisa I remembered. She was wrapped in one of the hotel’s thick, white bathrobes, and her hair had been dried and brushed. From the nicks on her legs, it appeared she had shaved, and even from a distance I could tell she smelled of something floral from the shampoo and soap.
I walked to her and took her in my arms, savoring her warmth and clean, fresh smell. I kissed her hard and felt her tongue tentatively seek entry into my mouth. Within seconds, our tongues were dancing like old friends, almost allowing me to forget the million-mile gulf that now separated us. As we hugged, I took time to run my hands over her back, stopping just short of grabbing her ass. I didn’t want to go too far too fast until we had some time to talk.
Breaking our kiss, I untangled myself and stepped back to look at her.
“Lisa, you look as beautiful as the day we parted. I can’t tell you how happy I am to have found you again.”
“Yeah, there’s a story,” she said with sadness. “How much of it do you know?”
“Enough,” I replied. “Surely not everything, maybe not even most of it, but enough to know that I’ll despise myself forever for the pain and suffering I caused.”
She touched my lips with her fingers and shook her head. “No, this was mainly my parent’s doing. If they’d had any capacity to accept that the daughter they supposedly loved had gotten herself in trouble and then rallied to support her, everything would have been different. Instead, they were ashamed, and whatever love they did have for me vaporized the instant they learned I was pregnant. Even if you were still here, the result would have been the same.”
I held her hand and kissed her fingers. My eyes felt moist but I was determined not to cry. Not yet, at least. Then with a choked voice, I said, “Perhaps that’s true, but then everything that came after would have been better. You’d have moved in with me and I would have supported you and our daughter. Instead, your world collapsed and terrible things happened.”
She couldn’t deny that my words were true, and she broke down sobbing like a child. I hugged her and finally gave in to my own emotions and cried with her. So much pain and loss caused by such random, inconsequential decisions had nearly ruined three lives. But perhaps there still was a chance. Finally, after too many minutes, we managed to get ourselves under control, andshe was able to finish her tale.
She confirmed most of what I’d already heard and filled in some of the more devastating details. Once she was on the streets, she ended up in the church shelter. She said she’d been confident that eventually, her parents would take her back if only to have a connection to their grandchild. But when she heard they were abandoning her, she hit rock bottom.
One of the women in the shelter introduced her to Rick, a guy who promised to take care of her. He gave her pills to help her sleep and pills to wake her up and the next thing she knew she was hooked. As payment for his ‘kindness’, she was sexually abused by multiple men, who all seemed to have a fetish for fucking a pregnant teen. She used the booze and the pills just to numb herself to the abuse, and eventually was kicked out of the shelter.
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