Gee – Thanks Mom! by BDLong

She snorted and grinned. “Ain’t nobody around,” she said. “Besides, what do I got to be shy about?”

“Point taken,” I said, my eyes focused on the floor.

There was a bathroom attached to the guest bedroom, so while she went in and got changed, I went down the hall to my own room and the similarly attached bathroom to change into my own suit, red with small white polka dots. I chose it partly because it was similar to Miriam’s and I didn’t want her to feel like I was more dressed than she was. Mostly, though, I chose it because it was my favorite suit. It fit well, which was unusual. My bottom size was somewhere between a four and six (I mentioned I was a little skinny, right?), and my breasts were 28, but somewhere between an A and B. Finding bras that fit me comfortably was difficult enough, but going shopping for swimwear was like finding Carmen Sandiego.

When I came out of the bathroom, Miriam was waiting for me by the door to my bedroom. I stopped abruptly—too abruptly, actually, because the corners of her lips turned up. “Fits perfect,” she said, and turned and a slow circle. It really did.

Once again, I led the way through the house. As I stepped outside, I nearly leapt out of my skin. The dogs were sitting at attention on the grass, just off the small patio. Their stare made me deeply uncomfortable, and then I realized: the whistle. Quickly, I stepped back inside, shut the door, ran upstairs, grabbed the whistle from where I’d left it on the bed, and returned.

“That’s just creepy,” Miriam said. “How’d they even know we were coming out this way?”

I shrugged, trying to ignore my misgivings. “Mother said they’re trained well,” I said, hoping that answered the question. I opened the door and stepped out, and Miriam followed, shutting the door behind her. We still had a few more hours of daylight left, and I really wanted to spend it at the pool, so again I shoved my worries aside and started down the path to the pool. As we went, the dogs flanked us and kept pace, the Shepherd a little ahead, the Rottweiler a little behind. When we got to the pool, I unlatched the gate, ushered Miriam through, and latched it behind us. I didn’t doubt that these dogs could clear the fence if properly motivated, but they seemed content to leave us be. In fact, when I made a shooing motion to them, they trotted off like normal dogs. I shrugged. Weird.

For an hour or two, I can’t be sure, Miriam and I splashed, floated, and swam, talking about university, our families, and even quizzing each other on the art history material we were supposed to be studying in the first place. As it turned out, despite our different upbringings, we both had a lot of the same worries, top among them not having control over our lives. She was worried that she’d end up stuck in a boring college town with no prospects, and I was worried that my family would basically sell me out to the highest bidder like a prized mare. We also shared interest in art and had similar tastes in music and movies. One thing that set Miriam apart, however, was her confidence and forwardness.

“You’re pretty,” she said as we rested our arms on the pool deck. “You know that, right?”

“Sure,” I said, not really believing it. I mean, I knew I could be seen as desirable. Boys in high school had made that abundantly clear. But to high-school boys a loaf of bread was desirable, so I hadn’t put much stake in their opinion. Now, I may have mentioned this earlier, but I’m no dummy. When Miriam said I was pretty, I knew what she meant, but I didn’t really know what to make of it. Still, something in my tummy stirred, and I started to feel warm.

“I mean it,” she said.

“I know you do,” I said. That sounded cold. I didn’t mean it to sound like that. “But, um, how?” I added. “Like, what do you mean, exactly?”

She hadn’t stopped smiling at me, and I was wondering if there was any possible way I could upset her. Not that I wanted to.

“Just like…” she seemed to me looking for the words. “Like the way you carry yourself. You know who you are. It’s like you got it all figured out.”

What? Was she kidding? “You’re joking,” I said.

She chuckled a little. “I mean, no,” she said. “No one’s got it all figured out. Except maybe your mom—that woman makes me afraid.”

“Join the club,” I said.

“I just mean, you carry yourself well,” she said. “And forget today, right? Today’s been kind of a shit show for you. But you’re normally not as awkward as you think you are.”

“Well, thanks,” I said. “So that’s what’s pretty to you? Feigned confidence?”

She grinned a little. “Sure,” she said. “That and a cute little butt.”

I felt a pinch on my butt, yelped, and let go of the wall. For a second, I sank, but when I emerged, sputtering, she was right there, just inches from my face, laughing and holding onto the wall, trying not to sink. I started laughing, too, but mostly because I was nervous. This girl, this amazing, beautiful girl with perfect skin and a smile that shone like the sun, was hitting on me. I had no idea what to do. Was it possible that I could be into girls? Oh, Mother would kill me.

“And I do love that smile,” she said, and then kissed me. I melted.

It would be a good death.

I must have blacked out for a second, because she pulled away far too soon. She looked at me inquisitively. “Yes?” she asked. “No?”

“Yes? No?” I parroted back.

“Dinner?” she said, with a chuckle.

“Right,” I said. Food was the furthest thing from my mind. “Yes?”

“Cool,” she said, pulling herself from the water. The sun was starting to go down, and the air was getting a little chilly, but only enough to make her skin prickle.

I followed her out and we spent a minute toweling off. She was looking at me, I knew, but for reasons I can’t explain, I tried to keep my eyes off of her. Instead, I looked around for the dogs. The Rottweiler was standing maybe a hundred meters away toward the south side of the house. The Shepherd was standing near the door closest to us at the northeast corner. They were both staring at us.

“I wish they wouldn’t do that,” I said.

“Do what?” Miriam said.

I pointed to the Shepherd, but he had found something to sniff. The Rottweiler, too, had busied himself studying a spot on the grass. “Huh,” I said. “Never mind.”

Once again, the dogs escorted us as we went between the house and the pool, and I got the feeling that Miriam wasn’t the only one watching my butt. I gripped the whistle with a tremendous sense of unease, but I wasn’t about to say anything about it because I thought I’d sound paranoid. When we reached the house, however, I locked the door and looked out the glass panes. The dogs sat for a moment, their eyes on us, and then went about their business.

Rather than cook, we decided to order pizza. There was one place in town that would send a driver all the way up to the house, so while Miriam went to change out of her swimwear, I called the shop. When I was done, I went to my room and changed into some sweatpants and a loose-ish flannel shirt. It would be time to study, and I concentrated better when I was comfortable.

When I returned downstairs, I saw that Miriam felt the same way, though what she found comfortable was baggy flannel pants and a t-shirt that was almost big enough to be a tunic. The sun was just going down, and I realized I should probably feed the dogs. I excused myself and fetched the two big bowls that had come with the doghouses. I filled them up in the kitchen, grabbed the whistle, and left through the rear door.

The dogs materialized immediately. I had gotten about halfway to the car park when I got a weird feeling. I looked down, but the dogs were just staring expectantly up at their food bowls. Right, I thought. Of course they’re staring at me.

I set the bowls down next to each of their houses and said, “Are you boys hungry?” They wagged their tails in response, and I relaxed a little. Maybe my misgivings were due to the fact that I was rarely comfortable around new people, and these dogs were certainly new and unexpected. But, then, they were dogs. Mother said they were well trained, and I had a whistle and a list of commands, which I reminded myself to take with me when the pizza guy arrived. What could possibly go wrong?

I looked down at their tags for their names. Max was the Shepherd, which made sense, I guess. But the Rottweiler was called Arthur. Kind of a weird name for a guard dog, but whatever.

When the dogs began to eat and I saw to it that they had water, I headed back inside, waiting until I had disappeared around the side of the house to turn my back on them. I walked quickly, but it didn’t matter. Despite my misgivings, they hadn’t pursued. Still, I locked the door and gave a second glance back through the glass. Nothing. I really was getting paranoid.

I found Miriam in the living room. She had the art history texts piled next to the coffee table, and had put our class notes on top. For a few minutes, we got down to business, and then the intercom beeped. I hopped up and ran to the door. Pressing the button, I said, “Hello!”

“Pizza,” the delivery guy said, sounding moderately stoned.

“Ok,” I said, pressing the button to open the gate. “Drive up to the front door, but stay in the car. We have new dogs.”

“Uh… ok,” he said. “Sure thing.”

I grabbed the list of commands and the whistle and opened the front door. Sure enough, the dogs had flanked the car, and the pizza guy, who I recognized as being a younger guy from my former high school, sat firmly in the driver’s seat looking sufficiently intimidated.

I looked at the list. “Max. Arthur,” I said. They turned their heads toward me. “Komm hier.”

They instantly left the car and came to my side. Damn, it really worked. I was impressed. Granted, that was an easy command; I could’ve said the same thing in English.

The pizza guy popped his door open a crack. “Can I come out now?”

“Setzen,” I said. The dogs sat. Ok, good. Now came the part where I hoped I didn’t screw up the pronunciation. “Bleib,” I said, drawing out the word as I would in English as I stepped away from them and toward the car. I turned to the pizza guy and said, “Yeah, it’s ok.” They stayed with not even a muscle twitch as the guy got out of the car.