She had brought up this very subject several times before, and I had shut her down. I did the same this time, saying, “Dammit, Kate, we’ve been over this. You know I can’t do that.”
“Why not?!” she said, clearly frustrated at being denied yet again.
“Like I have told you before. My family would not approve of you, and I would rather not put you through that ordeal if I can avoid it.”
“And what, exactly, is it about me that they wouldn’t approve of?” she asked, one eyebrow arched. Which meant that I would have to choose my words carefully or risk violence.
“They are all very prim and proper, straight-laced type people, and I know they wouldn’t react well to all of your tattoos and piercings and the way you dress.”
She calmed slightly, and said, “Okay, I can understand that, but do you really care if your family approves of me or not?”
I chuckled and replied, “If I did I wouldn’t be dating you right now.”
“Then what’s the problem? I just don’t see how you expect our relationship to move forward when you won’t even let me meet your parents.”
To this day, what I said next is one of my biggest regrets, because, while true, I worded it in an unnecessarily hurtful way.
I said, “And at what point, exactly, did this become a relationship? I told you on day one that you were just a fling.”
“For Christ’s sake, Josh, that was six months ago!” she screamed, “Forgive me for thinking that you might have felt an actual human emotion or two in that time!”
“And what the FUCK is that supposed to mean?!” I screamed back.
“Don’t give me that shit! You know exactly what I’m talking about! When we’re not fucking all you ever do is drink and walk around like a fucking zombie!”
I think what hurt the most when she said that was the fact that it was mostly true, so I simply said, “You know what? Fuck this. I’m done.” and with that I stood up and headed for the door.
Behind me, Kaitlyn kept screaming, and, from the sound of her voice, it was obvious that she was holding back tears.
“Fine! Fuck you! I don’t ever want to see you again!”
As I reached the front door, I opened it, and, turning, mustered the biggest fake smile I possibly could and said, “Likewise, darlin'” and then turned around and walked out, slamming the door behind me.
Once the door was closed I could hear Kaitlyn let out the tortured, body wracking sobs that she had been holding back, and even though I felt like a monster doing it, I walked to my car and drove off. On the way home I stopped at a gas station and picked up a case of beer, and when I finally walked through the front door of my dingy little rent house, I cracked open a bottle and took a long pull, not caring that it was warm. Then I sat down on the couch and continued drinking while I watched the television. I didn’t stop drinking until I ran out of beer.
The next morning I was over two hours late for work and when I finally came shambling in like the zombie Kate had accused me of being, the service manager called me into his office.
“Why were you late?” he asked without looking up from his computer screen.
“Sorry, I had a little bit too much to drink last night.” I replied.
This time he did look at me as he said, “Again? Jesus Josh, that’s the second time just this week. Everything okay?”
“I’m fine.” I lied.
He studied me more closely, saying, “Josh, I know what fine looks like, and that ain’t it. You sure you don’t want to talk about it?”
I laughed and replied, “No offense, Charlie, but if I ever do talk about it, it won’t be with you.”
“Fair enough,” he said, nodding his head, “Listen, son, you’re a hell of a worker, and I’d hate to have to fire you, but if you keep this up that’s exactly what’ll happen.”
“Yeah. I know.” was all I could say.
“Look, why don’t you take today and Friday off and use the long weekend to get your head on straight, then come back on Monday ready to get some work done.” he said, taking pity on me.
“Sure thing, boss,” I replied, “And…thanks…for not prying.”
“No problem, Josh, just remember that my door is always open if you need to talk about something.”
“I will.” I replied, and then I turned and left his office, heading back to my car. On the way there one of my coworkers spotted me leaving and called out,
“Hey, what happened to you, man, that little firecracker of yours keep you up too late?”
I laughed and shouted back, “No the firecracker and I broke up!”
“Damn, another one bites the dust, huh?” he asked.
“What can I say, man?” I replied, “Too many beautiful women and too little time!”
Ignoring whatever he said next, I ran back to my car and made the drive home. Because I was getting a killer hangover, as soon as I got back to my place I crawled into bed and stayed there for the rest of the day and most of the next.
The weekend flew by much faster than I would have liked and before I knew it Monday had arrived. By some miracle I woke up early and actually made it to work on time, and on that day I worked harder than I ever had before, talking to no one, and instead, bending to job after job. My boss took notice and, though I’m sure he knew that all was still not well with me, must have decided that this was preferable to me drinking excessively and showing up late, so he left me alone. It wasn’t until much later that I, myself realized that I was concentrating so hard on my job to avoid thinking about my impending reunion with Tiffany.
All too quickly, three-thirty arrived and I headed home to get ready. Even though I was dreading what was about to happen, I still took a little extra time to make myself look good, trimming my goatee which had become unruly, and even going so far as to style my hair with some gel. By the time I had finished getting ready it was four-thirty, so I walked out the door and drove to my grandparents’ house.
When I pulled into their driveway I saw my uncle Tom’s car parked against the curb, and had to take a deep breath and let my heart rate, which had been jack-rabbiting right along for the entire drive, slow down. When I felt I was sufficiently calm I got out of my car and walked to the front door feeling for all the world like I was walking to a guillotine.
When I rang the doorbell my grandmother answered, and after giving her a hug and a kiss on the cheek I walked down the hallway and into the living room where I found my uncle Tom sitting on the couch. After likewise greeting and hugging him we talked for a few minutes until I heard a familiar voice behind me say, “Hey cuz. It’s been a while.”
I turned to face Tiffany, and, just like in Texas six years ago, all I could do was stare and try not to let my jaw hit the floor. The intervening years had definitely been kind to her and her beauty had grown more refined as she matured, and now, it seemed, she had completed the transformation from very pretty teenager to drop-dead-gorgeous woman, who would make most men turn away with a rueful smile, saying, “She’s way out of my league.” Her hips had grown slightly wider to give her a nicely proportioned yet subtle hourglass figure, and her breasts had continued to grow from the average B cup they had been to what now looked to be a large C cup, possibly a D.
“Hey, Tiff, it has been a while. How have you been?” was the best response I could come up with.
“Good, and you?”
“Not too bad.”
As we continued talking I could tell that she was happy to see me, but at the same time she was keeping her distance and being cautious, like she was nervous and didn’t really know what to say. I could relate because I was feeling pretty much the same way, myself.
After we had exhausted or reservoir of idle chit-chat Tiffany said, “Hey Josh, can you help me? I need to get one of my bags of the top shelf of the closet and I’m not quite tall enough.”
As she led me down another hallway to the room that she was staying in I figured that her request for help was just a ploy so that we could speak more candidly. My suspicions were confirmed when, as we reached her room and I entered the closet to retrieve the bag she pointed out, she said, “So, are we still pretending that the ferris wheel incident never happened?”
Without looking back I said, “What ferris wheel incident?”
She said, “That’s what I thought.” and then turned and left without saying another word, and the flat, cold tone of her voice felt like a knife twisting in my gut. Sternly telling myself that it was for the best, I set down the bag she had wanted and walked back to the living room to rejoin the family.
Shortly after that my parents arrived and we all sat down to dinner. I sat directly across from Tiffany at the table, but she flatly refused to so much as look at me and neither of us spoke throughout the meal. Needless to say, that didn’t go unnoticed.
“What’s gotten into the two of you?” she asked, “Normally, y’all are off in your own little world and chattering like monkeys by now.”
Sadly, she was right. Even as children Tiffany and I had always been extremely close. So close that when we got deep into conversation we had a tendency to accidentally ignore everyone else. But if my grandma only knew just how close we’d gotten in that ferris wheel six years ago, well, her reaction would be interesting to say the least, and not in a good way.
I spouted out the first lame excuse that came to mind, saying, “Well, grandma, we haven’t seen each other in a long time. It’s just taking a little bit for us to get back in the swing of things.”
Judging by the looks I got from everyone at the table, nobody was buying it, so I decided to just keep my mouth shut and passed the rest of the evening in silence. As soon as I could without insulting anyone, I took my leave and headed home, feeling more depressed than ever. Things between Tiffany and I had gotten out of hand during the family reunion in Texas, and now my attempts to force things back to the way they had been before had succeeded only in alienating and angering my cousin Tiffany. What made it worse was the fact that there wasn’t a damn person I could turn to for advice. Since I couldn’t figure out what to do to make things right I decided to just ignore the problem until Tiffany and her dad left town again on Friday. I would have to see her one more time on Wednesday when the entire family went to fireworks show the city held every year, and after that I could go back to my life and forget that any of this had ever happened.
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