I was very hurt at the time though, and I HATED HIS GUTS of course at the time. Now I look back and think, wow how did he put up with me for so long! but in the moment I was in tears thinking he was the biggest jerk a live and I even felt…small 🙁 Like I had this huge HUGE deal in my head of what was gonna happen that day, and instead I was dumped. I was devastated.
So I stormed home and, well tbh I was horny and frustrated and heartbroken. I mean I was kinda wet already and just excited, nervous of course but very excited about the idea of having sex, my breast were stirring with all sorts of emotions 😛
So I got home in tears and my mom saw me crying and asked what was wrong, I of course responded with a sharp ”Leave me alone!” She begged me to talk to her. But I really just wanted to go to my room. But I was kinda still horny and I craved someone to touch me. I was 14 😛 and ya…haha so I just looked at her and told her Ruben dumped me. And she said she was so sorry and I was like ARE YOU? ARE YOU? You hated me being with him then I just went on full attack mode and I was like tell me, did you really hate his age? Or where you just against anyone being with me? cuz you want me for your fucking self!
And she just tried to be calm and told me that isn’t it she just wants me to be happy and I just yelled at her calling her a bitch saying this was all her fault…Then she finally broke and just said “YES YES everything is my fault!? I kissed you and now everything you do in life is my fault right?!” Then she started to give it to me she was like “Gaby I LOVE YOU more thqn anything else in the world, I fucked up okay? I am sorry I am a horrible mother but I am trying, I have given you everything, I work hard for you, for your brothers, do you realize how bad so many people have it? She even went on to say, I should be god damn grateful for my life.
And I just was like “Yes yes I should be, no, your right, my mother coming onto me I should just shrug off.” Then finally how I truly felt just came out… I was like…mom you have no idea, you think it’s just a kiss? ( I wasn’t even crying or screaming as I said it just weakly whispering it) I was like…it wasn’t just a kiss, it ruined everything. When I am around you when I see you looking at me I feel your eyes on me 🙁 It’s horrible I feel disgusted I feel like I somehow made you feel this way its maddening you have no idea how much that kiss made me hate myself.
I told her the truth how sometimes when I am touching myself I am thinking of Ruben but sometimes not often, probably less than a handful of times she has came into my mind and I just stopped. I would literally end up crying thinking o god am I turning into you(I said to her). I told her that I am frustrated and mad and don’t want to be but I am and it just is too much and I love dad but you’re the one I always come to when something really big and bad happens it’s always been you, but now I lost that, you took that away from me and then I yelled and saying I HATE YOU FOR THAT I FUCKING HATE YOU. You took my mom away from me with that kiss and I HATE YOU, I am not being dramatic I am just so mad at you and I love you and I always will but I hate you…
She took a step forward and I backed up and she was in tears shaking, she stuttered the words “I’m sorry.” She took another step forward asking if she could please just be my mother, if she could please just hold me. I just nodded and she went forward to hold me but I grabbed her arms and lowered them and I just kissed her…
I kissed her and it wasn’t a romantic kiss probably, my mouth was closed shut as if I was pecking her but my lips were pushed hard against hers then I broke the kiss. and she just…was shaking her head no 🙁 saying she ruined her perfect child and started to apologize again 🙁 I just, I told her I needed her and I…just took my shirt off…and she just looked at me and yelled at me “NO, please stop!” And I just told her I needed her that I wanted her to touch me, to show me what she wanted so badly! I then proceeded to take my bra off, and then quickly(shockingly considering tight jeans) slipped my pants down, stepping out of them with a feeling of authority.
My mother just began to cry some more, telling me this isn’t what she wanted. That she was wrong and she is gonna get help and she is gonna be a better mother. Then I just….heh I was standing there in just my panties and I was getting a little annoyed and hurt like I just had imagined if she ever got to see me like this she would be all over me, and I was just dumped hours ago so I just my self esteem wasn’t exactly high.
So I just raged and said “THIS ISN’T ABOUT YOU DAMN IT, YOU STARTED THIS, This is about me and what I want…what I need, you can’t be my mother anymore, not the way you want, you killed that. Give me this, give me what I need, give me what you fucking wanted just moments ago.”
She just stood silently frozen for a moment before she said this is wrong, she was mistaken to do this and she handed me my shirt, and I just I cried and…I am not sure if I meant it or was just being dramatic but I asked gently if she thought I was beautiful and she just….said of course. Then I asked if she still wanted me…and she said she doesn’t want to hurt me and I asked if she still wanted me again..And she just said always. and I asked her why. She told me she loved who I was but I’m her daughter and more importantly she is my mother and she said she was hurting me. But I just like I said I am not sure if I meant this or was being dramatic, but I said I wanted to die…that I needed her now not as my mother, I needed someone to make me feel special, I needed someone to make me feel important.
And then she was silent and I just there was just a long pause maybe a whole minute with nothing said. and I just dropped my shirt(I was covering myself with it) And I just asked her again, please…Finally she just, like her whole body dropped in defeat, not sure how else to describe it, her shoulders, her face, her fingers went dead and her body just dropped in defeat.
She then nodded, no words said, simply nodded as she walked to me and, I remember my breath literally just…I couldn’t breathe, I always thought people were being dramatic when they said their breath was taken away, but I get it, my stomach just sucked it’s self in and my breast out and, and my head was shaking, my body only shaking from how much my head was. And she came to me and kissed me again, this time I closed my eyes, kissing her back, our first real kiss. Her hand felt my body from my waist up to my breast that she cupped in her hand and I just was trying not to cry and just make myself say this is what I wanted, needed.
After she we kissed for a little she broke the kiss, making sure I was alright. I just nodded and then she smiled, almost a motherly smile, you know like when you get all As on your report card kind of smile haha. Well I just gave her a like faint smirk back and she grabbed my hand and as if she read my mind she lead me to her the hallway, and she asked me if I’d feel more comfortable in my room or hers…haha it was beyond bizarre, as if we were talking about like I dunno, where to do my homework. I told her, her room(I didn’t tell her why but her room seemed just more adulty) haha…I still had pink on my walls in my room for god sakes.
Anyways 😛 we went to her room. and I am not sure why but when we got…to her room I became intensely aware of how naked I was hahaha. I remember just how fast I became very nervous and covered my breast with my arms, and she just looked at me sharply and smiled, I was worried she was gonna ask if I wasn’t ready for this or not up for it. I was very wrong 😛
She turned to me and grabbed my arms gently and lowered her head and took my right breast into her mouth -_- …. : It felt incredible and I just felt wrong? But in a good way I guess… naughty? hehe so with trembling hands, I just stroked my mom’s hair while she sucked and nibble on my nipple, her hand sliding up my body and cupping my other breast, massaging it. Haha i found out that day, my mom really likes breast 😛
She did that for awhile actually and my legs where becoming weak and then just…my mind went crazy she stopped and kissed me again, and it was a quick kiss, because as she kissed me her hands slid to my butt, grabbing my cheeks and massaging them, spreading them…and then gently but quickly, sliding to my waist, her fingers finding them quickly around the edges of my panties and she broke the kiss, seductively, falling to her knees, taking my panties down with her, her eyes never not looking up at me as I watched her…
She hehe, touched the back of my legs signaling me to step out of them, and then she gave me a kiss um kiss over my thin hair, erm over my pussy and leaped up, excited like a kid that just got her dream gift haha, and she with a huge smile gave me a quick peck, and I remember thinking for just the briefest of moments…I love her smile like that. I never EVER seen her smile like that, and that smile gave me what I needed more than anything, just a face, a smile that only I could bring out in her, I felt important…special, but that thought only could last for a second cuz my mom grabbed me and literally tossed me on the bed, which actually made me yelp and laugh 😛
Well like a virgin idiot, I just laid on the bed smiling at her, legs held tightly shut as she just stood at the edge of the bed smiling looking down at me. And she just winked at me and started to….strip for me and haha this is gonna sound dumb but it never occurred to me she might strip her clothing too haha.
So I just watched, nervous to the point that I was childishly trying to make myself sink further into the bed haha. As if that would somehow hide my fear. But she just, took her pants off first, and then her shirt, slowly. she then winked at me again as she reached back and unstrapped her bra, letting it fall just a little. She then gripped the bra from the front, and said she loved me, biting her lip, making me gulp hard as she lowered her bra and revealed her freakin amazing pair 😛 And then, she leaned forward, letting them hang as she stuck her butt out away from me, her thumbs I remember going into the waist, and then….then…her phone went off haha.
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