After I sign the papers and show my license to show who I am. He has copies made for me. Mr. Goldsteen hand’s over a folder with all the documents that are mine. He has me stay for a moment while reaching in his desk. I watched as he pulled out what looked like a dvd holder. He looked at me before handing it to me.
“ What’s this if I may ask?” I asked as he nodded
“ Mays last words to you that she had done a month ago.” He tells me as I place it on the folder before he speaks to his secretary “ Sandra can you bring that other matter I had you place in a secure place.”
“ Yes sir coming right in.” I hear her say back from the intercom
I wait as I see the office door open as Sandra carries some kind of container placing it on the desk.
“ Um what…what is that?” I ask feel tightness in my chest
“ Heath this is May’s urn. She wanted you to have it until the day that you decided to let her ashes go.” He tells me with a hint of hurt as I feel my tears start to fall
“ So she…Grandma is gone.” I say feeling my tears fall staring at the urn
“ Yes, I am afraid so honey, but she won’t be forgotten. Sorry Mr. Goldsteen for speaking.” Sandra says as he waves her off
“ It’s totally ok Sandra as we all thought of her as a friend or part of our family.” The attorney says to her
“ I just don’t understand how she could be gone. Grandma May was so full of life how does one dance just a few weeks ago to just be gone weeks later. It just makes no since to me.” I exclaim as Mr. Goldsteen has Sandra leave the office before he looks deep in my eyes “ Heath, May didn’t tell hardly anyone that she was sick. She didn’t want sympathy or people to give pity either.”
“ What do you mean sick as in bad cold or what please tell me?’ I asked in a very pleading way seeing his eyes show sadness
“ Heath she had stage 4 cancer that was incurable. She wanted to fight it as long as she could. She fought for 7 years to hold on for someone to come along that would love her. She saw that love come from you. Heath don’t think wrong of her or think bad of yourself. Remember the good days you shared with her. Keep being her grandson as she will always be your grandmother in your heart.” Erik tells me as I nod with tears
“ Thank you now I can know the truth. Is it ok if I go now so I can mourn her in my own way?” I ask as he nods
I stand up grabbing the folder and dvd in which he takes instead. He tells me to get the urn as he will follow me to my truck. I nod picking up the gold colored urn into my hands. As we walk out Sandra stops me with tears. She gives me a hug before letting me go. I thank her as continuing my way out the front door. Walking to my truck I hold the urn close to me as to keep it safe. Once to the driver door I open it only to place the urn over in the passenger seat. I turn as Mr. Goldsteen hands me my paper work. I thank him for all he has done shaking his hand. He nods telling me if I ever need anything to let him know. I tell him I will as I get in the driver seat to leave. As he walks back in I look over at the urn with tears. I buckle up then start my truck shutting the door. I look over at the urn again and with a soft voice speak.
“ Let’s go home grandma so we both can be in a place thats peaceful.” I say pulling out onto the street for home
After getting to what was now my home. I placed Grandma May’s urn on the mantle above the fireplace. Placing the folder on the coffee table my eyes fall on the locket I gave May. I pick it up only to open the heart. Staring at her picture I traced her face feeling tears once again. Why can’t I stop crying so much. I stepped back to the mantle placing the necklace around the urn. I wrap the chain around the top so the locket is in front. I leave it open so her family are shown.
I make my way to the couch to relax for a few minutes. Looking around at all the pictures that Grandma May had up, and that is when I decide to keep them up to remind me she will always be remembered. Letting out a sigh I lean forward to look at the contents of the folder. I open it to see a bank card that has my name on it.
I place it to the side as I see stocks and bonds. I look through them to see a familiar name two in fact. One is the old company I use to be with CHST LLC. I smirk at that one wondering how good they are doing. I wonder if all three of them are happy now that I am gone. The second is from my father’s old company. I notice it was bought 7 years ago. Smiling at that moment I know that was when my father still ran the company. I start to wonder how May could have it. That is when it hits me as to what she told me.
She asked Lonny to move out east to build this house. I still smile at the stock that lays in my hands. I look at the others trying to figure out what to do with them. I decide to keep them for myself as another reminder of grandma May. I have the title’s to the house and truck. I look at it all and would trade them all in just to have May back in this life as well as the next as my dearest friend. That day I spend remembering every moment spent with the woman that took me in as her only family and grandson. Before I turn in for the night I put the dvd that was given me in the player. Turning the t.v. on I return to the couch. I watch the screen change to see May with a smile.
“ Heath sweetie if you are seeing this I am gone. I have left you everything I had in the world as I have no one left. My dear husband Lonnie left years before me. And my sons died in various conflicts from serving the country they loved. When I found you that day it was like I got a chance to be a grandmother.
I think I needed you as much as you needed me. The time we spent together was wonderful and I dreaded when you left for college because I thought you would not comeback. You surprised me and cameback every weekend to help and if I called you would rush right out. I want to tell you please don’t miss me too much because at the end I died knowing that I had someone who would miss me and I pray that someone up above will watch over you. I love you sonny.” I had tears rolling down my face to what all May had exclaimed
I watched the video again just to hear her voice. I so wished at that exact moment she was here with me.That night I sleep in her bed for the second time. My eyes are red and puffy from crying. I guess that saying men don’t cry is a lie as my tears won’t stop coming. That night my dreams are conflicted between good and bad. I see my father talking to May as if they were friends.
I try to talk to both only they don’t hear me. I yell still nothing as I run to them screaming for them. I stop when they both turn to see me. Both with a smile then mouth the words stay strong as we will always love you. I watch as they walk away only to fade as my knees hit the sand screaming for them to never leave me. The dream ends with me turning to look at the ocean alone with tears upon my face. I just stare in the distance watching as the sunrises in my dream to let me know another day shines upon my face.
The days after that Thanksgiving weekend come and pass. Adam and Jack are constantly watching me as to make sure I don’t do nothing dumb or out of character. As November comes and goes December comes with the cold winds and snow. My classes seem the same as I try hard to focus on what the professor teaches each day. As the following weeks pass the campus seems to brighten with decorations on the fraternity and sororities that surround. I ignore the lively students that sing carols around campus. Adam and Jack are the only ones that keep me from going crazy now as I have no one else. The Friday before Christmas Jack suggest we go walk around town for a bit. Adam agrees saying I need to get out for awhile. I look at them both and think maybe they are right. They both smile as we all grab our jackets making our way out the door around 8 p.m. I take my truck as Jack takes his car. Adam chooses to ride with me which Jack agrees. I tell Jack he can lead in which he smiles. It’s not long that we are making our way to town which isn’t all that far. We park in a mall parking lot 7 minutes later. It’s a nice mall not as big as the one back home, but it works for just walking around.
After about a hour we stop in the food court to rest. Jack goes to get us something to drink as I look across the way to see a family of four. A father, mother, daughter and little boy. They are sitting close to each other eating happily. The girl looks to be a year older the the boy. I watch intently as Adam talks to me.
My own childhood sweeps into my mind as I watch the girl take a tissue to clean her little brother chin. My heart sinks as that was the exact same thing Michelle did to me around that age. As Jack gets back with drinks my eyes stare as the next thing that hits me is the little boy hugs her thanking his sister for the thought. I can’t take this hurt snapping back at me. I can’t deal with the pain that resurfaces to my core. I think of something to may help me forget all my hurt, pain and sadness. I look at my two best friends before speaking to them.
“ Hey guys I forgot something back at the dorm.” I tell them standing up
“ What did you forget man?” Jack asks as I look him in the eyes
“ My phone, I forgot my phone. I um won’t be long ok be back soon ok.” I exclaim starting to walk away
“ Ok bro but hurry your ass back man were going to watch that new movie you wanted to see so much.” I hear Jack say loudly
As I walk away waving my mind tells me not to look back. I know life brings hurt, pain, love, and togetherness, but for me I couldn’t take anymore pain or hurt. Watching that family was the last I could take. I lost May my beacon now that beacon was gone.
Once back at the dorm I locked the door. I went over to Adam’s ipod deck finding that song he played so much. Once found I placed it on repeat then have it play as I turn the volume up. Making my way to the bathroom my jacket comes off dropping to the floor. Once in the bathroom I look to see my reflection. I see a man full of conflict, fear, a feeling of loss.
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