My mother, my lover (p.2)_(0) by Kimzilla

So um little warning, this part of my uh tale? I guess tale is right word, um is a little darker. Sorry but it’s true, not too dark just, I was going through many emotions the day after.I awoke the morning after feeling like I had slept for days. At first the night before with my mother felt like a dream, that was until I vastly became aware of my nakedness. I grinded my teeth as I do when I am trying to hide how nervous I am, so I guess I was trying to hide it from myself? After though my initial awe of what happened passed, I realized I heard the shower on, quickly I rolled onto my back, feeling with my hand the edges of the bed.

My mother had already slipped out of the bed. I sat up, blanket falling down and my breast just out and exposed. I remember looking down at them and blushing, scratching the side of my face, but the embarrassment quickly became overwhelming as I looked around for my shirt. It wasn’t in the room so I just fell back into the bed, curling up this time and making sure I was wrapped from feet to neck. I pretty much just laid there silently looking at my hand, caressing my fingers with my thumb, lol like as if I was trying to make sure I was real or something…

The noise of the running water had long stopped, I had to begin to wonder what was taking my mom so long, but didn’t honestly put too much thought into it, just paused every now and then to listen. Oh right! You should know she has her own bathroom connected to her bedroom, so ya lol. So ya I just sorta laid there until the sound of the bathroom door opening made me jump. I got up with a smile on my face…but sadly it was quickly gone and I was holding back tears once again as I saw my mom fixing her sleeves for work ._.

You know, now that I am a bit older, I’d like to think a tad wiser 😛 hehe. I realize now that one of the major things that change as you grow up, is you are truly taught the lesson that life simply goes on. It isn’t that the night before wasn’t as important to her as it was to me, simply that I was younger and had yet learn that fact, I was a kid and something major had happened to me, so in the typical child response, I had expected the entire world to cease and feel as if it had changed also. So ya unaware of that life lesson, I was insanely hurt by the fact that she was going to work so easily.

Hurt and pissed, I looked at her with the most annoyed face I could make. Eyes squinted hard and mouth closed harshly. Once my mom noticed my glare at her, she huffed and her hands hit the side of her thighs.(that was her, what’s up? What’s wrong motion that I had became very use to). And you should know I hated that, she knew I hated that, it’s like kinda rude in my eyes? Just say the words. Well I like breathed out through my nose pissed that she did that, but instead of her usual response of going ”Oh what is it?” Instead this time she gently asked. “Kim, baby, what’s wrong?” I sharply looked back at her, and simply said nothing!

My mom, I guess trying to be patient, sat at the edge of the bed, and said the very LITERALLY the perfect thing I thought she should of said. “Honey, do you want me to stay home? We can talk about, well, anything you want.” Heh…she said the words, she even looked like she truly meant it, so even till today, I ask myself, why didn’t I just accept her offer? Why did I have to be a bitch. *sigh* So ya instead of saying, yes please! I need you to stay! No instead of I just got out of bed, keeping the blanket tightly held to my chest, responding to her without even looking at her. ”No I’m fine, go to work.” Was all I had to say. Oh little funny side note haha was actually hard shuffling with my feet over the blanket(im not tall LOL!)

I guess trying to be a good mom, she cut me off at the door*sigh* It’s like, you know when you are just so angry, but you want to like…you want to just stop being mad you want to just say ”hey I’m sorry.” But you don’t….well that was this case. She cut me off asking me, pleading with me to please speak to her. But being the stubborn brat that I was AND YES I ADMIT IT I WAS…key word is was…anyways! I just told her in a very low but stern tone “Please just let me go to my room, I want to be left alone, okay?!”

My mom simply put her head down, I remember this action very well cuz, well…cuz I just wanted to grab her and…yes kiss her. But as you may tell, this day was just becoming a pattern of things I wish I did differently cuz well, I just nodded for her to open the door, and left as she did.

Now in my room, I dropped the blanket, crying quietly to myself, but my hand shook it’s self into a fist as I grabbed my hair, I hated myself in that moment, but I wasn’t sure what I hated myself for, the sex, or giving her the cold shoulder after. I know sex is never what we want it to be our first times, but my problem wasn’t this, it was the opposite damn it. I was furious that, she was perfect she wasn’t this monster I partly wanted her to be, she was gentle and loving the entire time, and it was amazing, dare I say perfect for me?

But It was with my mother and I was upset, disturbed how much I had enjoyed myself.
Well feeling really weird just being naked, I had decided to find some clothes. I walked to my closet, but stopped as I heard the front door open and close…I remembering just, I dunno, snickering? in disappointment that she actually left, and just shrugging it off, telling myself…fuck her.

So ya, feeling too many emotions to deal with, I decided to …well take a shower to relax/erm…clean up ya…So ya..there I was in the shower, hands against the wall, eyes closed and me just trying to relax, trying to just consecrate on the hot water running down my body, I had it so hot my skin was turning pink lol. Sadly, the magic of a nice hot shower, did not work this time as I, well began once again playing back the events of last night, though this time was different, my mom drifted not to what she had done to me, but to her body, how ….how amazing she looked, and I found myself starting to become very turned on.

I remember my hand, drifting down my chest and cupping my left breast. I massaged myself gently, blushing, pretending it was my mom’s hand on me. For a minute I think I just stood there massaging my breast, rubbing my stomach with my other hand, avoiding actually touching my pussy. Then, heh it’s weird where our minds go sometimes…or well mine at least, I thought of my father…I thought of my brothers and I began to think of what they would think…then of how my friends would judge me, what they would say of me if they knew and I just 100% immediately stopped…no longer did I even have the energy to fight the knots in my stomach or even cry, so instead I simply sat down in the shower, slouching myself up against the corner, just sitting there for not sure how long, but felt like 15 min+.
I guess just simply the heat had became too much, or just sitting on the hard shower floor for so long my bum was going numb 😛 So I had decided to finally get out, I poured somebody wash on my hands and just gave myself a quick cleaning, you know, shampoo ect ect hehe.

So ya this is sorta when I lost it…lol. When I exited the shower, I didn’t even grab a towel, I just felt kinda like a zombie, drained…mentally exhausted. Then…I don’t know…I looked at the mirror which now was super foggy, I leaned over jumping from the coldness I felt as my skin touched the edge of the sink. I wiped away as much as I could(im short!) and ya I mean I just stepped back and looked at myself.
I was just, I was confused. I looked at myself thinking, what, I mean what could she possible see me in me that was so great? I examined myself from head to waist. I thought, my eyes are kinda pretty…maybe she liked them? Then I looked at my breast, I…I never really looked at them like this before I always thought they where kinda nice, I developed early, but…never really saw them as objects of desire before. I looked at them, remembering like, like how much my mom just seemed to…erm enjoy them. I…just, I became quickly embarrassed tbh, and even felt a little stupid, trying to think of what my own mother found best about me…haha*sigh*

Well…needless to say embarrassment quickly turned into shame *Sigh* and Shame quickly became anger. I was angry…angry at myself but wanting to put all the blame on her…I foolishly did and I just became filled with rage, so much rage it was like I woke up, my body just got all this energy and anger and I just I didn’t know where to place it like I needed to physically put it somewhere and I just looked at myself and I just was thinking how, like god how could I allow this happen, how could she do this to me, how just how. It just all built up too fast till finally I just grabbed the hand soap pump, fully prepared to throw at the mirror.

So…there I was looking at myself, my hand up in throwing motion, but I just I guess I stopped cuz I haha thought of how mad my mom would be, how it would cost money to repair it, and well it sounds dumb but I liked the mirror so that factored into it too. But…but then I erm…I thought again how much my mom use to get upset when my brother broke stuff when he got angry and how annoyed she gets even when we break stuff on accident and I …I just SCREAMED I MEAN I JUST SCREAMED and threw it with all my might at the mirror breaking the soap bottle thingy (it was a nice like glass thingy my grand ma bought me) And it just broke and the mirror had 2 giant cracks with a like huge gash where I threw it.