“I’m sorry” I said again. She, clear as day trying very hard to restrain herself, asked why. I…I told her I didn’t know. And I started to cry again and this time bad I just slouched my side against the door and slid down the door and asked “Mom I am so fucked up what do I do?” I guess thinking about it, it’s probably messed up to ask the person who is sorta the problem, but I just wanted my mommy. *sigh*My mom I remember hand shook hysterically at the mirror, telling me not to even worry about that, that its nothing, she quickly was on the floor with me, her hands again on my shoulders, rubbing them, trying to relax me as she said “Kimmy listen to me, there is nothing wrong with you, I just, I am stupid okay? I put too much on you baby, this is me not you, alright?”
I heard her words, and I could tell she meant it, but I just shook my head no, cuz despite how sincere she was, I knew the truth. I response licking my teeth and biting my tongue, shaking my head in disagreement till finally the words just came pouring out. “I made you mom, it’s me, I…I made you, I made you” And then I just became a broken record repeating those words, until my own shame became too great and I covered my face with my hands, and just wept into them hardcore.
My mom now was rubbing the side’s of my shoulders furiously, telling me to please stop, to please listen to her. I heard her but I just wanted to just explode in that moment, I just wanted to curl up in a ball and became small, I felt torn and I just kept on crying, heaving now extremely bad into my hands. I just kept on till my mom said something that just shocked me out of it. She said “Kimberly! Listen to me I wanted last night to happen, I played as if you were forcing me so you felt in control, but the truth is.” Then she paused and her hands went on mine, pulling my hands away from my face. I was shaking still from crying so hard, but I looked directly into her now tearful face, tears running down each side. She then said it again “Listen to me” She asked if I was and I weakly nodded up and down. “Listen to me, I wanted to be with you I was selfish, I was wrong, you want to be mad baby, be mad at me I am a monster. When I heard you broke up with Ruben, honest to god I was just hoping in my fucked up mind, that you’d run into my arms.”
I searched her eyes to see if she meant it, or was just saying what I needed to hear, but as I saw her eyes squint in….in shame? I saw she meant it, she had got what she wanted. She continued though. “I am so sorry, I truly just want you happy more than anything, but Kim I am in love with you.” And that was it…I have heard her tell me over months now that she had fallen in love with the person I have grown into, but it’s different, people can say the words a 100 different ways, but nothing is like hearing someone say they are IN LOVE WITH YOU, just 4 words simple as that, yet far more, revealing than any other words. I mean it, for anyone who disagrees well fine, but if she had said Kim I am in love with my daughter, or kim I am in love with who you have become or anything else, I wouldn’t of done what I did next. I placed my hands on the side of her face and kissed her. I was caught up in the kiss, her lips on mine again, still at this point it felt so wrong but so good. I now miss that feeling as I have grown use to my mother’s lips on mine.
Sadly the feeling did not stay as anger, actually did form again in me, I broke the kiss remembering, playing back what she had just told me. I was furious at the thought and I asked straight out, almost yelling it “Are you just using me now? Hoping I just give you what you want again cuz you told me you loved me?” My mom put her hands on my knees and shook her head no and told me. “I never used you Kim and I never will I swear to god I won’t, but I won’t lie to you about anything like this. I love you and I don’t think I ever will stop being in love with you. Okay? But that said. I am your mother and I will protect you from anything even myself, and if you want this to end it will end. I just won’t lie to you and pretend that I am not hopeful that you may return my love.”
I sat there, taking in every word but honestly just blushed, my mom was telling me she was in love with me over and over and she was telling me she wanted me. I liked the parts where she said she was still my mother, but I just…I could really only think about the parts where she said she loved me, the part of returning her love. So I just sat there thinking, my mom patiently staying silent just rubbing my knees gently, not rushing me at all, it was nice.
Heh to be honest I knew my answer to the question she hadn’t technically asked, the second she was done speaking, I knew I was going to kiss her and I knew I wanted to be with her again, but I stood there, scared, trying to find a way to be strong and resist, but I was weak lol and thank god for it. Finally I looked at her and…in my cute sorta kiddy voice I asked her if maybe we can um….go back to her room. My mom let out a little chuckle and winked at me saying of course.
So ya…lol we went to her room and as we entered I lol figured better use this a little to my advantage and was like “So you aren’t mad about the mirror right?” She…haha okay honestly I swear I am not an idiot but her reaction still so caught me off guard. She just went “Na you will make up for it.” And she winked at me and….undid her robe, letting it just fall open………I I just felt so stupid I was like “Mom..that isn’t funny don’t say that.” My mom just curled her lips and nodded, walking to me and putting her arms on my shoulders, her hands resting well pass my head as she just said “Ok, im sorry” ina very none serious tone, and she even immediately after leaned in and kissed me. This kiss I think, was our first kiss where I actually was moaning quite a bit, I wasn’t so nervous this time but still was plenty, but I was enjoying myself much more, really kissing her back with everything I had….I even for first time was bold a little and put both my hands on her waist…
She was the one to break the kiss as she took a step back, slipping her robe off and letting it fall to the floor. I just stood there looking at her, almost biting my lip but it was as if I lost control of my body and my lip wouldn’t move correctly haha. She then said “How about we give old shawn a break.” (okay for you people who don’t know HBK=Shawn Michaels the dude on my t-shirt). So ya my mom came to me and I think she was gonna help me take my shirt off but I just nodded my head and said “ok” and quickly slipped it off…I think she was gonna help me cuz she went “oh” and let out a little giggle like..okay then that works kind of laugh.
My mom then smiled and just reached over and gave my nipple a quick pinch *sigh* haha. I twitched and she just lifted her head forward for a sec saying “how about you get fully comfortable.” I ..only took a second to get what she meant as I grabbed my panties to bring em down, but she told me wait. Then she told me to “Take them off slow baby, please.” So…remembering the night before I, leaned forward and stuck my bum out, and began to slip them slowly but honestly I felt WAY TO EMBARASSED I just haha strip teasing my mom I so was not up for that yet, so I just went “Na I’m good” And just yanked back up straight and pulled em down fast, stepping out of them and just kicking em off to the floor.
My mom rolled her eyes and told me I was no fun lol! But what she did next made me feel so stupid she, leaned down and grabbed my panties, she held em stretched out for me to see…She then brought it to her face and just inhaled them. Then after…o god haha I actually don’t even want to type this part, she lowered them, keeping both of her eyes sharply on mine as she bit down on the edge of my panties, pulling them with her teeth and letting them snap out of her mouth. I just..lol I felt so just GAH I just sat down for a sec before rolling to the center of the bed….taking the same spot as I did the night before. She laughed at me, making me feel stupidly and for some reason I covered my breast, whining and asking her “WHAT?!” My mom just started laughing actually kinda hard and it was upsetting me. But I felt so dumb that I didn’t even rage I was just like “Mom please stop.”
She could totally tell how I said it that she really was hurting my feelings but she seemed to have a hard time stopping she just said “Baby I’m sorry you just are too adorable, you just.” Then she started laughing again…but I was like MOM! And she was like “I am so sorry just(while laughing) I am just, you are just so cute my baby girl, only you would just get into position like that.” I…ugh I felt like my face was on fire I quickly jumped up and was like “I’m sorry I just…please stop laughing! I just thought you wanted to…do um what…what we did…sorry.” And my mom just was like awww baby you are TOO CUTE. And she crawled on the bed, finally thankfully stopped laughing more or less, she came up to me and gave me a quick kiss. Raising her brows though she than went, sorta of asking but not really. “So you liked what I did last night huh?”
I just I had never felt more retarded in my life, I was just like “No I just, thought you wanted to do that…stuff again.” I swear the second the words left my mouth I was like REALLY KIM? REALLY?! She just snapped her fingers and pointed at me going ”riiight” Honestly I was just pass embarrassed so I was just like “Can we please just move on.” My mom just smile, biting her lips and letting the her lip pop out as she said “Sure we can.” She then…told me to go back lay down, get comfy she said…then teased me and said “take your position!” I was like MOM! She was like “Okay okay, I’m done.” So ya…I…as she put it…took the position and laid back at the center of the bed. So..I laid there now feeling kinda dumb after that whole ordeal…lol.
My mom…looked at me up and down, making me blush *sigh* She then stroked her chin and said “I changed my mind, rollover…” I was like …um…no? lol. Then she…uhhh lol she placed her hand on my stomach and rubbed it over my stomach playfully telling me to come on and not be shy ._. I just..I TOLD her FINE and I got up just to stop her from doing the hand thing on my stomach, she use to do that to me when I was little trying to get me to stop throwing a fit but …ya it was kinda creeping me out now tbh. So I got up and…I rolled over to my stomach, feeling really off setting, I mean I of course laid my face flat and turned it, to look at her but it just…I felt very just like I said off.
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