“Hello?” she said, smiling with her arms out. I snapped back into it.
“Sorry!” I gave her the biggest hug I could ever give anyone. I even gave her a kiss on the cheek.
“Wow! Someone’s happy to see me!” I pulled away instantly. Fuck. That was too much. Wait…did she feel my boner? Fuck. Fuck! FUCK! I just sat down and ignored it, hoping no one heard her or saw how big of a hug I gave her. This was weird. I’d gone too far this time. But she just laughed and sat on the couch next to me. She slapped my thigh. “So I hear you got your license! That’s awesome!”
“Yeah, I’m so excited. I feel like I should’ve been driving for years, now.”
“So do you know how to drive a stick shift yet?”
“No, I never had the chance to learn.”
“Well you do now.” She stood up. I just gave her a confused look. “It’s tradition! I taught both of your sisters when they got their licenses, so now I’m gonna teach you!”
“You have a stick shift?”
“Yup! Always have! Let’s go!” No way could I pass up this opportunity. She told everyone where we were going, and we were off.
I got in the driver’s seat, and she got in the passenger’s seat. I put my hand on the stick, but I was at a loss. What the hell do I do? I know it’s not as simple as shifting the gear. There’s a clutch or something, right? Luckily, she read my mind.
“Here,” she said, as she put her hand on top of mine. I got a tingle down my spine. I had a small smile on my face, but I don’t think she noticed in the dark. “Now put your foot on the clutch.”
She taught me how to drive a stick, keeping her hand on top of mine for the first ten to fifteen minutes. I was in heaven. She eventually let go and said, “Alright, you’re on your own now. Go!” And I did it. In just a short fifteen minutes, I was driving a stick shift like I’d been doing it my whole life. She was a great teacher, and she was lots of fun. We laughed and we talked for the whole lesson, and it was a blast.
We pulled into the driveway, and just as we were getting out of the car, she said something that made a perfect night just serene.
“We should hang out more often.” She didn’t know it, because she was walking into the house in front of me, but I had the biggest smile on my face.
The rest of the night was a blur. All I could think about was those twenty minutes in heaven, and what Jill said.
Unfortunately, a month or so later, Jill got a new job that required her to work 6 days a week. So that meant she never had a whole weekend free to come visit us. And the 250-mile round trip drive wasn’t worth a day trip. She was promoted to regional manager, so her vacation days were also limited. She had to be there when everyone else was there. Plus, on top of that, she didn’t want to take too many days off in her first year. She didn’t think it would look good as a newly-promoted manager. So we went the entire year — summer, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years — without seeing her once. It was torture. But it wasn’t the end of the world, for me, because I knew that when I did get to see her, she’d actually want to spend time with me. For now, I had the memories to make me smile, and the thoughts to jerk off to.
After my 17th birthday, I decided to start working out. I was on the heavier side — not fat, necessarily, just not slim. So I changed my diet, and started an exercise routine. And by the start of my senior year in high school, I noticed changes. I was more fit, and much more toned, muscularly. People at school noticed, too. So I kept it up. By Christmas time of that year, I was in great shape. I don’t like to toot my own horn, but I was sexy.
The thing that crossed my mind the most about being in good shape, was ‘I can’t wait for Jill to see me!’ I was 17 and had never had a girlfriend because I had almost no confidence, and I went to an all boys high school. So Jill seeing me was pretty exciting. Unfortunately, I had no idea when the next time I would see her was. It had been an entire year, and I was starting to miss her. A lot.
It was nearing the summer, and we still hadn’t seen her, and had hardly ever heard from her. I was starting to worry that she didn’t care about us anymore. That her new job was too important to think about us. But a week before my high school graduation, she called my mom. She was coming to my graduation party! Man, I was pumped. It was a week away, and I was already cleaning my room as soon as I found out. I wanted it to be spotless for her.
It was the day of my graduation, the day Jill would be showing up. She wasn’t going to make it to the actual ceremony, but she’d be there in time for the party. Once the ceremony was over, we all drove to my house, where the party was being held. There was about thirty people, and none of them were Jill.
It was nearing 6:00, almost three hours into the party, and Jill still hadn’t shown up. My dad had picked up the pizza, wings, and fries, and we were ready to eat dinner. And Jill still hadn’t shown up. I didn’t give a shit about anyone else there. I just wanted to see her. And she wasn’t there. It got to be 7:30, and I asked my mom if she’d heard from her. Apparently she was stuck in traffic. That put my mind at ease a little bit, but I still wanted her to get there. I didn’t even want to eat, I wasn’t hungry. I just wanted to see Jill. Oh my god…what is wrong with me? Why is she all I can think about right now? I’m at a party with tons of friends and family, and lots of great food, and all I can think about is Jill?
It got to be 8:00, and I started to get really upset. I went up into my room and lied down. What the hell was wrong with me? Why was I feeling like this? I’ve had this feeling before, but not this serious. It was eating at me. It was a mixture of anxiety, excitement, depression, and anger. And it was swallowing me whole. What the fuck was going on?
I lied in bed for a solid half hour, just thinking about everything — when Jill was going to get there, why I was feeling this way, why I wasn’t hungry… I decided to get up and go back down to the party, but I still felt like shit. I still didn’t care about anything but Jill.
When I got downstairs, my mom told me she got a text from Jill about five minutes ago saying she’d be there in about ten minutes. I sat outside, waiting for her. Those were the longest five minutes of my life. Then she finally pulled up. I stood up as a smile consumed my face. She parked, and walked up to me.
“I’m so sorry, Alex, I–” she started, but I interrupted her by throwing myself at her. I gave her such a big hug, I almost tackled her. “Oh my…” she said, as she hugged me back. I wanted to stay here forever, just holding her, smelling her hair, feeling her breasts squished against me. But I had to let go.
“Congratulations!” she said, once we finished hugging. “Do you feel old?”
I smiled and nodded. My mind was blank. I was just so enthralled by her long-awaited presence. And then she said exactly what I’d hoped she’d say…
“You look amazing! Have you been working out?”
“Yeah, I have!”
“Let me see!” I was taken aback.
“Huh?”
“Take off your shirt, let’s see those abs and pecks!” I froze. She…she wanted me to take my shirt off? She wanted me to take my shirt off. So I did. And she let out a wolf-whistle as she placed her hands on my chest. “Lookin’ good, there, stud. When did you start working out?” I almost didn’t hear her, as I was fighting the urge to get a boner. Her touching my chest was turning me on more than anything I can remember. If I only I could touch hers back.
“Uh, about a year ago,” I mumbled. She took her hands off my chest.
“Well, it sure as hell is paying off, so keep it up.” She walked past me to go into the house, and as she walked by, she smacked my ass. I had to get up to my room and jerk the fuck off. This was just too much to handle. So I did. I ran upstairs, and started jerking off, thinking of her breasts pushing up against me, thinking of her hands rubbing my chest, of her hand on my hand, of her outstanding smile, of her amazing body in that bikini…
Then I remembered something… I was in my room, where—
The door opened. I jumped up, but my pants were down. I struggled to pull them up as Jill’s voice said, in an oh-so-familiar way, “Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” and slammed the door shut.
God. Damn. It. How could I let this happen again? I knew she was staying in my room for the weekend, and that she’d have to bring her stuff up there, yet I still went up there and decided to jerk off. Now what? Getting caught once was one thing. I was 12, and she was nice enough to forget about it. But it’s a whole five and a half years later, and it happened again. It’s going to be pretty damn hard to slip it under the rug, this time.
Okay, so what do I do? Do I go out there? Is she waiting out there? Last time she wasn’t, but this time is different. I’m a fully-developed man now. She’s seen it all now. Holy shit…she’s going to think I was jerking off to her! I mean, I was, but now she’s probably going to think that! Why else would I rush upstairs to jerk off, in the middle of my party! I’d just given her a huge hug, and smelled her hair! Did she notice I smelled her hair? FUCK.
My mind was racing. I did what I had to do: go out there. I opened the door, and there she was, leaning against the wall, arms crossed, eyebrows raised, smiling.
“Do that often, huh?” she said, smiling, making me all the more uncomfortable.
“Why the hell did you have to catch me again?” I said, just going for it.
“You’re acting like it’s my fault? How is this my fault?”
“It’s not. I mean…ugh…” I lowered my head in shame.
“It’s fine, Alex. You’re a guy. Guy’s get urges. Although, most guys can wait until the end of the night to get it out.”
“Yeah, I—um…”
“There’s a party being thrown for you downstairs, and you had to come up here and do that? Why?” Was she serious? Did she really want to know why, or was this a rhetorical question? I just let out a nervous laugh. “I’m serious, Alex. Are you…addicted to it? Because that can be a serious problem.” She’s seriously talking to me about this. This is actually happening. What the hell do I say? “I’m just trying to help. It’s an awkward conversation, and it’s even more awkward for me to catch you, but this is twice now, and both times, you could’ve or should’ve been doing something else.” I opened my mouth to say something, but she continued, “Seriously, Alex. Do you have some sort of addiction?”
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