The majority of the time I speak and I’m glad to. He gives thoughtful and genuine answers to my questions, and isn’t afraid to give his opinion. I only have one night to garner as much information as I can, so I can at least say that I got a good experience out of this.
I am feeling very bold, despite not having anything for ‘Dutch Courage,’ and without really thinking about it, I blurt out:
“Do you have a girlfriend? Is this something I should be cautious about doing?”
He stares at me for a moment, and I think I have well and truly ended our conversation here, but he surprises me by saying:
“After all the talking we have already done, you ask me this now?” he says, with a slight grin, and I want to laugh but the look in his eyes just makes me wilt. He stops smiling and takes pity on me.
“There’s no one who would mind me talking to you, Honey. And I prefer to keep it that way.”
I find myself sighing with relief. “That’s good to know. I would hate to bear the brunt of a wronged woman’s anger for even looking in your direction.”
His eyes crinkle at the side when he laughs and I feel like he’s finally letting his guard down. He leans forward so we are close enough to hear each other. I look into his lovely eyes and I can’t help but stare at his lovely lips as he talks in that deep baritone. I find my body to be almost floating on air as he talks about the wonderful sights of the city. I am a captive audience to his words.
“You really know a lot about this city, don’t you? I wish I had travelled more when I was out of University. You know how life gets.”
He looks at me with sympathy, “I take it you want to make up for lost time?”
“Yeah. You could say that,” I say with sadness in my voice.
“You’re still very young, Cassidy. What are you, 26? 27?”
“I’m 28. I felt like I wasted a lot of the time I should have used to get out and see the world. Yeah, I moved to London with my best friends, but it’s not that far on the train from where I grew up so I don’t know if it counts. I’ve always wanted to live and travel abroad.”
He moves closer and puts a hand on my shoulder “Cassidy, it’s never too late. Don’t let anyone hold you back. Not even you. I’m sure you’ve got plans you want so desperately to put into motion but you’re scared of what will happen when it’s real, right?”
I nod, hardly knowing what to say.
“Do you need permission from someone? Or do you just need it from yourself? If it’s the first, don’t put your life on hold for that. I promise, you will regret it if you do.”
He has a look of complete and utter sincerity when he says this and I can’t help but lock eyes with him.
“Why wait for what you want out of life to happen when you can make it happen?”
I sigh despondently, “I wanted so badly to go but life got in the way. Someone I love… never mind. But after that, I… kind of lost my courage. I’ve been looking for a way to find it again ever since.”
“You are brave, Cassidy. Just look at what you did just now approaching me. Clearly you’re not afraid to go after what you want,” and he smiles at me in a way that shows genuine admiration rather than amusement.
“Some would say crazy. Myself included, but I thought Oh fuck it. I really wanted to comment on your ugly shoes.”
He bursts out laughing again and replies after a little while: “Pretty and a smart mouth. That’s an… interesting combination, Cassidy.”
I smile bashfully as I know that I will ruin it if I say what I am dying to ask.
“How long has it been since you’ve been in a relationship?” I feel my nerves begin to kick in at this question.
His eyes drop and the shutters come down as he says: “Long enough to know that it’s not something I’m seeking right now.”
“Did things end badly?” Woah! That’s just too far, even for me! Stop it, Cassidy! Now!
He stares, but he thankfully doesn’t take the bait and says instead,
“Nothing remarkable. We just drifted apart.” The tone of his voice is very much ‘Subject Closed,’ and I resign myself to that for the moment.
“It sounded like it was at the very least a respectful split. I can’t say the same for my last relationship.”
He doesn’t respond, in fact he looks seriously uncomfortable. I kick myself for allowing my big mouth to run away with me. It doesn’t feel good to not be in this man’s good graces. All the fun and ease we had just a moment ago has now left.
For some moments we sit there in silence, and it’s not a comfortable one. I want to say something to fix it but every option in my head sounds more absurd than the last.
I say more gently this time, in an attempt to appeal to his softer side:
“If you’re no longer enjoying talking to me, I can absolutely take myself back to the bar. I’ve obviously taken up enough of your time and you’d probably like to…” He looks at me and a slow smile comes back onto his face.
“Cassidy, you stay right where you are. I’m not done being entertained by you,” Grayson says, and I can tell that he’s only half joking when he says that. I want to protest but the words just won’t come out.
“Well. If that means you forgive me…?” I say tentatively
“I forgive you. Can we have a conversation like adults now?”
I feel my body sag with relief at these words and I respond with “Sure. What would you like to talk about?”
He pauses a moment before he says: “When was the last time you were fucked, Cassidy?”
Wow! That’s a bit personal! And he looks at me for the millionth time this evening in that infuriating way he has that I can only assume is complete and utter triumph. I know that I can’t get angry at him as that is exactly what he’s expecting so I try my best to remain calm and come up with a better solution. And it’s at that point I realise that my only option is to play along.
I pause for a moment and really think about it before I respond with: “Just so we’re clear, do you mean properly fucked?”
“Yes. I want details.”
I pause for a moment, and hope that I don’t come across as insane. Who are you kidding? That went out the window a long time ago.
“There’s not much to tell. I got out of a relationship a while ago, and I had a couple of casual flings, and, well I…”
He’s silent for a moment, like he is disappointed at my response but I surprise both him and myself by saying:
“I thought I could live out my long buried fantasies when I finally got out of my last relationship. I wanted to feel like a man wanted me so badly that he couldn’t keep his hands off me. It’s not only men who want to feel like their partner can’t get enough of them, I think that us women are just better at hiding it. I want to feel like the centre of his world when he touches me. Even if it’s not always gentle.
I take deep breaths and try to calm myself but I slump back in my chair, as if saying this has sucked the energy from me completely.
Grayson is taken aback. His eyes widen and his mouth opens in shock as I say these words. I don’t quite know what possessed me to say that but I can’t take it back now. I just sit there while he absorbs this and I think he’s just about done with this conversation when he says gently:
“Cassy, can I ask what you meant when you said ‘even if it’s not always gentle?”
Oh my gosh! I love the way he says my name! Why am I only noticing this now?
“Well, I… I want to feel his body on top of mine and know that I am the centre of his focus. I want to feel the sharp sting on my backside as he lets me know exactly who is in charge. I want…”
Grayson then takes that moment to move even closer and his beautiful blue eyes bore into mine as he searches my face for any sign that I am lying but after a little while he says:
“Listen Cassy, I get guys don’t always know what they are doing, but surely someone could make you want to at least give it another try. You’re a beautiful woman, and I’m far from the only person who thinks that. You’re honestly telling me you’ve never felt that way?”
I shake my head slowly and his eyes never leave mine. The intensity of his gaze is both terrifying and the most calming thing in the world to me right now.
His tone then subtly changes, like he has given himself to permission to say this:
“Poor sweet Cassy, those long lonely months without feeling a man’s strong hands on you. Making you crave him. Making you want to be his.”
I feel my breath catch at that last word. Coming from anyone else, I would absolutely be leaving in anger right now but I am rooted to the spot. I feel the blood rushing down from my head making me lightheaded.
“Grayson, are you saying you want to…?
“I’m saying, do you trust me at this moment?”
I am astounded that I am not fighting this just a little harder considering how annoying he can be but I feel my nipples stiffening underneath the built-in bra of my dress and my pussy tingles from his mere proximity. My breath becomes deeper and slower with every minute and it takes all my strength to pay attention to what he is saying.
“Yes.” I say, through the fog that has descended over my brain.
He leans forward so he is close to my face, and his finger lightly brushes the neckline of my dress, crossing the top of my breasts. My breath catches again and my eyes are glued to his as he moves toward my ear.
“And just so we are clear: Do you want to be mine tonight, Cassy?”
I know this man makes me so horny I can’t see straight, but I barely know him and have the choice to walk away right now. I take a long deep breath and I try to find some credible excuse to call a halt to proceedings… but I come up empty.
“Yes,” I say before I can change my mind.
He then takes my hand, eases me out of the chair carefully and leads me out of the room. I can’t see Lisa anywhere, and I know I will have to find her to explain, or at least text her, but that seems like something I can do later.
***
His arms are wrapped around me tight as we kiss and I press myself against him, feeling the door click shut behind me. My hands move down his body as he continues to ravage my mouth. His strength is palpable in every part of him.
His chest is exposed by the loosened buttons the more my hands move over him and my mouth moves up his neck to his ear. I even bare my teeth just a little near his earlobe. I then turn his jaw to the other side so as to work my magic again. He shivers and his arms move up and down my back before slipping down to my bottom to move me closer. My nipples tighten against the thin fabric of my dress and I can feel a warmth grow between my legs as he squeezes my bum really hard.
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